When you’ve lived every human life there ever was,
You will finally be ready to join your brothers in the cosmos!

Look up there, really look.
The line of your sight and the path that it took.
Try to understand the truth of life’s vocation.
While you grasp the depths of its bitter isolation.
There is nothing up there, nothing watching.
Just a barren universe, casually mocking.
Existence is a catalog of aligned integration.
Just a system of knowledge and past information.
Your ability to experience in all of its brilliance.
Is merely the outcome of your required existence.
The world we inhabit, manipulate yet trust.
Is a game of mathematics that acts as it must.
For nothing can happen without the passing of time.
This is a terrifying, existential crime.

A Blasphemous insult
to road rages
gutted pigs
and pixie tricks lying
on the headboard
over my too-small bed.

i am malicious
in the way that i am so far
but so very
in
and out
of my head.

dangerous foreplay
numbing cigarette snubs of kitten licks
i pull and tug
at the cancerous death
of Life.

wicked ends of
nights begins
and your lips all over mine.
on repeat.
like a broken cassette until i lay
vomiting over
this projectile mess.

and i search for
words that could
would
describe this
. . .
lingo of broken down
younglings
who for god sings,
and screams,
and do not know.

God, they do not know.

they who have screamed,
for Adam and Eve
and lay wrapped in each others tongues.
noses bleeding,
never-ending
eyes perceiving
what we all have been needing
darkness.

its shrieking
shivering
cries of madness toppled onto
eyes
you have been searching for your whole
Life.

and the mind-numbing
drugs
that you inflict upon yourself
digging your fingers into your skin
searching for flesh
and possibly a soul within.

we are the knocked out
lie living
generation of drunks

losing ourselves
in what we call
love.


n.b.

A Love Letter to Lost Tattered Souls

I.

Why do I so desperately desire recognition
When I know full well glory is beyond time
Even hither
Praises too early gained would
Place one above all in the midst
Of the wheel of fate
Yet
Soon or later with only room to fall
And be crushed by the
Cruel reality
Of eventual and inevitable
Tedium

Unlike a life ever on the climb
Or of a timely return to the everlasting
That will be never be subjected to
The suffocating dread
Of such a loss
Of height

As
The roaring gale would always lose to
The ever-present calm wind
Vital yet unnoticed like the breath of being

And

II.

Why do I despair when my words
Don't glitter like gold
That would make wise men
Lament in fist-raising envy
And mock the children that
Don't understand them

When I know the truth are
In words that would move children
To tears of laughter
And laughter of comfort
As per The Word
That is equally
Ridicule by men
Of ashes and dust-
That will never understand-
Or remain upon-
This world-
As something beneath them-

Like the earth that supports
All living creatures
And the humble grass for lambs
To graze

Be the needed
Not the desired
But unnecessary

And


III.

Why would I feel shame to wail in despair
Beyond my control for a word of your love
When
What is love, without patience in suffering,
What is suffering without pain?
And what is pain without complaint?
There are truth and devotion in my lament
A testament of my bearing the constant silence
Yet still singing devotedly forever
For the suffering Nevermore

Love fearlessly your overlooked
Plain imperfections
And unbloomed seeds of poetry
Burrowed in the present land of a future
Undying forest
Far outlasting the abandoned and
Overgrown gardens of timely praises
That's now lost in maintenance
And translation

As with the minute storms
And only half-day suns
You don't want to plant your love
In bricks of spotless silver and gold
Nor do you want to bury them
In scorched earth
That have never greeted a
Raindrop or the
Stars

Smile, brightly, and make the world gay
In every way, the world is okay.
Uncertainty, the dread of existence,
Fills in the heart for more than an instance,
But softened my dread, did I do today
In realizing that I'll be okay

Some days all meaning disappears
I sit quiet in my wooden chair
Wallowing in existential fear
And wondering why I even care

Drive my mechanical pencil lead
Into the soft tip of my *******
Laughing at how I used to think ahead
How I still dream of being a singer

That little ***** of pain
Kind of brings me back to life
It leaves a blood spot stain
On the blade of my kitchen knife

When you sew my eyes and my mouth shut
And tie both my hands behind my back
Then I can't move but I can't cut
And you wonder why I resort to crack

Keep wasting all my time
Doing things I don't like
'Cause later you'll find
You need it for your life

Never mind, never mind
I'll just wait here and die
I know you're kind, so kind
And would never ever lie

Things get pretty dark for me
But I always seem to make it out
Just take my time don't hurry
Remember it's so normal to worry

But do I really wanna be like
All the other popular kids
I don't care if they call me a ****
It's girls I really wanna kiss

So when I'm down
And really just wanna die
Won't let myself drown
I will force myself to try
And be alright
I'll be alright
Make me alright
I wanna be alright

I'll just keep stabbing my finger
With the end of my precious pencil
I'll forget being a singer
And study ******* credentials
And be alright
I'll be alright
Make me alright
I wanna be alright

I have to stand somewhere
Until I find
A good place I can stand.
I really don't like shifting sand
Or muck that you sink into.
Isn't it much the same for you,
Looking for firm ground
As you're on the move?

And I have to hang onto something
Until something comes along
That I can really hang onto.
Isn't it similar for you,
Clinging to one thing
(The very best yet)
Until something else comes through?  

And I must find someone I can trust
Until someone comes along
Who I can really trust.
Leaps of faith I've made a few,
Landed hard and changed my view.
Isn't it sort of lie that for you?
Looking for the truth
As you're passing through?

Why do people like sparklers so much?
Do they just look pretty, or is it deeper than that?
Is it because for a few minutes we feel we're not
just human beings,
inconsequential in the cosmos,
a piece of dust on an old chair in the attic,
a simple verb that someone said 100 years a go,
a planet long gone, unobserved into history,
a droplet of rain during a desert downpour,
and we actually feel special?
Like we're useful,
Like we're needed,
Like we're
Something

I’m giving
You a night call,
To tell you
How I feel.

I’m living
At a slow crawl,
Who
Has the shot to ****?

Arms crossed defence,
Haunted
Head
Of dreams.

Standing on the fence:
Faded,
Lead,
Poison-lean.

Blighted youth,
Hidden truth,
Failure to jump…

Cant jump:
Autism,
Pride problem,
No- progress.

Can’t initiate
Relationships:
Doesn’t mean
-Can’t- feel.

Does not mean
I don’t
Need
The same.

Fighting mouth breathers,
At a distance,
Who can tell?

Infected by venom,
Crippled, narcissistic
Venom.

Veins are black,
Self made
Transfusion;
Empathy stack.

Barrier.
A language
I don’t understand,
Barrier.

Never have
Comprehended,
It feels
like…

Everyone knows something
I can’t handle,
Can’t see…

Like I miss
A sense,
Everyone else-
Proficient with.

Like everyone else:
Knows
A secret
That I don’t.

What’s worse:
Is when
I pretend
To know

Everyone
Around
Acts like
I know-

But I don’t,
I never had,
Had your
Super powers…

I pretend
To read
Minds
Too…

I mimic
The language,
The body language:
Eye movement…

Eye brow shift,
Wide open arms,
Pupil dilation,

Shoulders diminished:
Insecurity.
Eye contact…

I can manipulate
These rules
For
My effect.

So I know
Other people
Can do
The same.

Most likely-
Do
All
The time

So how?
Can I trust
A single
Person…

Or what they say
With their eyes,
Maybe I should trust
The words…

ha