{ impasse }

Non action –again
Under a dim sun
I read the world

and miss the encounter

Di nuovo inazione
Al sole fioco di lucerne
leggo il mondo

–e non t'incontro

An encounter
that shook the stars
made them shoot across
the sky, urging lovers
to throw wishes
here and there
with no hope in mind

She time-traveled at  his "hello"
he shook at her reply
what happened to the cosmos?
could they have re-arranged?
what magical power took over the Earth
to make gravity none-existent?

She felt weightless
but heavy with her past
he sweat out all his mistakes
or was his body too close to her sun
that he melted at her sight

He wanted to speak almanacs of his years past
but choked at the dense night sky
his lungs shrunk in capacity
his mind forgot the ability to verbalize
vocalize,
his mind forgot all sense of language
except that of none-verbal nature

She wanted to strangle him
with the chains that left marks on her heart
the wounds that she turned to beautiful tattoos
the pickled emotions she had left on that shelf
in a desolate basement
She wanted to give him a taste
of what "hurt" felt like back then
and how it morphed her into a beautiful
thick skinned creature, fearless of rollercoasters
who's highs are intoxicating and who's lows
are deadly
But..

He...
Her...
Hell visited Earth that day
all its fires burned all sense of logic
turned emotions to ashes
it anesthetized what drives the heart
into overdrive

The universe confused its laws of physics
gravity lost, oxygen reduced, weightlessness ruled
everyone was high

Something was wrong
it didn't feel like it was happening
She had her taste of inception
a dream within a dream within
a mind diluted with nothing but sobriety
how could this be?
He was speaking in intervals
cut with silences that caused earthquakes in meaning
intercepted with glares that burned the wildest of wild fires  

Life you threw one hell of a curveball
that changed the orbit of her being
Turning her the other way
slowing down time
or so it felt

What the hell is happening
She has this under control
When her schizophrenic selves
came out to play
they failed miserably
She gawked at
his jittery hands
eyes
dilated with confusion
glazed with hesitation
filled with questions


surreal
ethereal
not happening
pinch me
Please

So frail she is, aged too,
but what I see every time
is a frozen leaf resisting
falling snow and whistling gale.

The grace she exudes grips
every time she passes me
in the morning or evening
her smile electrifies me without fail

In my bones it echoes, I felt
each smile brings instant delight,
I feel like it spreads in to my being
unlike the hollow smiles thrown at you.

What remains after one is gone
is to be felt much later by others
but to make the hollow deeply felt
in absence, their gifts in mind should persist.

what makes that huge difference,
now I grasp, her heart that has seen
many seasons, of human predicaments
and beaten in resonance.instantaneously
strikes a chord, with all, it's music to ears.

And it's a moment none would easily forget
she reflects the timeless grace humans acquire
through a life lived fully in mindfulness
I am embraced by grace, when her smile is gifted.

What remains when she has gone
is a serene sense of fulfillment, for having met
a luminous being, who without even a word
or touch, could make others feel nice and be better.

I sat in my classes
not paying attention.
Why you ask?
Because I was so
consumed in my
thoughts of you,
that I started to
write you a letter
in which you would
never receive,
But I would
indeed receive the
closure that I deserve
except without an
encounter.

Just minding my own business
Standing in a line
With a basket full of shopping
In a headspace that was mine
When suddenly a voice piped up

'What you cooking love?!'

And being kind
I turned around
And stood gazing from above ....

Upon a short & greasy man
Who's eyes were firmly fixed
To the swelling of my *****
He really was transfixed!
I cleared my throat and said 'hello'
In an attempt to raise
That shiny head with thinning hair
From it's penetrating gaze

'Well I'm cooking chicken'
I said without a beat

'That's a shame' came his reply
'coz I don't really eat meat'

'This is for my family'
My response was firm & clear

'So you're not inviting me then?'
He said - without raising an ear

'Well no not really'I replied
Turning my back again
And then tap tap upon my arm
Hard enough to cause some pain
And so being well bought up
I turned again to face
This strange companion in my wait
To get out of this place

'I think you're very pretty'
He said - not raising up his head

'Ummm Thank you' I returned
Whilst fiddling with my bread

'So you know what really bugs me?'
He spat with quite some venom
'This thing that girls have got
Wearing double denim...'
'And all of these tattoos they have
Do they really think
That men find it attractive?'

Well - I didn't stop to think

I slowly turned my back again
And quietly pulled down a sleeve
And removed my arms one by one
Not wishing to deceive
And revealed in all its glory
The ink across my back
And glanced across my shoulder
To watch his fast backtrack...

I wear my self expression
Emblazoned on my skin
I am inked & I am proud
I'm not going to keep it hidden
So my advice to you is this my friends
If a date is what you seek
Talk to my face
Don't be rash
And don't call me a freak!!

(C) Pixievic 2016

I'm so mesmerized my heart is pounding fast my hands are sweaty, his eyes are so beautiful I've never seen something so clear and blue my whole life. He reminds me of the ocean but he seems tired - bags underneath his eyes. He's human I know it - tired from life, ***** from work. His brown natural hairs the complexity of his skin. I want him to look at me so I can fully feel what it's like to be inside of his eyes - I want to know what's like to touch his lips, I want to know. I truly want to know but I'm scared. Scared that his heart is already taken, by some frivolous beautiful blonde girl. Because you know I'm not blonde. I'm just this fierce brunette with hazel eyes and rose lips. I'm insecure in front of him, I'm listening to music, wishing that this ritual bus ride slows down. Please slow down I wanna watch him a little bit more. Grasp into this infatuation. His scars along his arms, his old wool sweater- I wonder what's his name. He looks like an artist - or maybe a drug addict, I really wish that he's an artist or something it would be such a waste of his eyes if he couldn't see the beauty above this superficial world.  I wonder what you're thinking about - is it the ocean that you dream of ? Is it the warmth of a women that you desire? Tell me all your secrets and I'll tell you mine. I'll let you in world this world of imagination where maybe one day I'll have the courage to say to you : let me love you.

Let me love you for this ephemeral bus ride, let me love you in my imagination, hold your hands and caress your lips.
The ride was short, it's over, I now walk towards my monotone work  - as I leave those fleeting thoughts disappear. I go back to reality and I will forget every features of your beautiful eyes.

Goodbye stranger maybe one day I'll see you again - maybe one day but I doubt it in the end. I know I felt love this morning -

This beautiful blue morning.