is it okay to die?
is it okay to just die?
is it okay that i found peace in being trapped?

i just wanna lay 6 feet under the ground,
unable to move,
unable to breathe.

is it okay if i wanna escape?
is it okay if i slit my wrist?
is it okay if i hang myself?
is it okay if i swallow pills?
is it okay if i do what i wanna do?

no, it is not okay.
no, it is not acceptable.
no, i shouldn't do that.

but, i want to.
and i'm only strings away from doing it.

now, let me ask you again,
is it okay to die?
yes, it is.

Lonely path

I tried to write my sins away.
But they have stayed another day.
No freedom comes,  though I believe.
No soothing call. No curt reprieve.

If I succumb this very night
If I walk, lost, to the grey light.
Would you remember all we had?
Could you recall when you were glad

to hold my hand and breathe in time
with my own breath, with my own rhyme?
Or would you know,  deep in your heart,
forgive, forget, regret... depart.

I know I lost. I know I failed.
I know the songs of me regaled
just wrath and pain, and tears of mist.
When all alone,  you cried and wished

that God had not sent you my way.
To walk the night. Deny the day.
And you would curse the God above.
In screams to take away this love,

which holds your hand, and guides your feet
to where,  at last,  our souls will meet,
within the clouds, or in the flame.
With the regrets, or less the shame.

I tried to write my sins away,
and so I kneel, and long I pray,
that God may turn aside my fear.
That God again, will lend His ears

When you left
You left a gap
A hole in a once strong bond
Our family slowly drifted apart
We wept and cried but not for long
For we knew we'd see you again one day
When our time has finally come
But you're not here and I feel alone
I'd like a little advice, just some

you never feared death;
you embraced it.
you let the demons linger
in the background,
gnawing at faded photographs
and grey memories
of the years past-
when life was simple.
when recollection didn’t
fester up in open wounds,
and your darkest secrets
weren’t crawling in grungy corners
amongst the hidden truth.

you never feared death;
you welcomed it.
you allowed the beasts to creep
into the depths of your demise,
conjuring up nightmares within
the shadows of your subconscious,
screeching to be saved,
yet you can’t hear it.

you never feared death;
you accepted it.
you fell in love with
the anatomy of a gun,
how bullets gracefully leave
the barrel until
the entire magazine is gone-
and the glorious recoil.

but somehow,
there was no warning,
no bright yellow caution sign screaming,
“help me”
no “i love you’s,” and no “goodbyes”;
now,
all we have left is
the ghost of you-
the blood-stained wall,
the haunting images
of your bloodshot eyes
and limp carcass-
on a bed i used to sleep in.

See the depressed deed

Delve deep

Cry, the elegy's creed.

Elsewhere:

Breeds new

Bzz-bees, elm trees, electric eels

Ever-steel freeze

Sweet revenge's creep, then screech

Wed, cheer, speech

Fresh breeze, meets seeds

Frees weeds.

Here:

Wet cheeks, we weep

Regret seeps

Need jeers.

Yes, we bleed

Yet

Every eye never sees

Every remedy. never felt

By the helpless.

Starry-eyed, I peeked at you through the shop window
The salesman’s toothy smile was nothing to your new-polished glow.
Your fake leather belts and stiff rubber soles
Made me dream of journeys sans mud, debris, and potholes.

The salesman whispered the ‘discounted rate’ delicately into my ears,
I glanced down at my slender wallet and blinked back my tears.
My feet slid into your gentle folds, a warrior coming home,
I was fifty short but in your embrace, the world I wished to roam.

Your beauty was unsurpassed, though the insoles did itch,
And your buckles gleamed like fairy dust, when the toe-cap pulled a stitch.
You helped me traverse wet sand heaps on under-construction roads
You stood with me on the roller-coaster of rush-hour public transport.

You were with me through the muddy puddles, of early monsoon
Caked with dirt, you stayed alert, through alleys litter-strewn.
You held me in your hard embrace on broken footpaths
Helped me slink through curfew gates not even the cat could surpass.

And I should have known, you were too good for this town
My fake leather sandals with the rubber soles of brown.
As I hung off the bottom step of the spasmodic minibus
Beneath me the buckles ripped, the outsoles gave up.

And I know that over the months, we’ve had our fights
And I’ve said more than once that you were overpriced.
Though it’s true that I think you could have done with a discount
Never let them tell you, our bond wasn’t profound.

All my neighbors know of your tales of valor
What you lacked in durability, you made up for in glamor.
So what if the heels were rickety and the insoles tickled?
The road to affordable beauty with potholes is riddled!

Just breath and sit still
gentle numbness creeps in
like a cat through a catflap

Crimson and purple and grey
greyness leaks from prime,
colours dotted on the walls

dust swirling through the grass.
Scratched.  Whispering fields
emptyness of green and yellow

drought runs its fingernails
through the spines of. doors
left ajar but slowly closing

transcending the closed place
of clouds slicing the
deep blue.

My breath is quite intense and raw, I shout, I scream; Alèe!
This was not how it was supposed to go, my Dear Alèe!
Oh God, what dreadful, vile disaster!
My one and Only; Dearest Master!
Lying there with eyes all clear
but pale, these dark membranes
do no more reflect those thoughts
of wisdom once conveyed.

What now, what now, what now?! I scream: what more is now to come?
all of the things we fought for – in a blink of eye is gone!
Oh God, he’s lifeless, Dearest Master!
Our work is silenced – vile disaster!  
All we worked for, all we did
for Earth, for our future worth
this was answers for us all
but now it lies in dirt.

Alèe! Alèe! My Dear Alèe! I shout, I scream, I cry:
How could they break their saviour’s jar! I sob, I weep, I wry.
My Dearest Master! Dearest Soul Friend!
How could this day be our tragic end!
While humans dance for freedom
a broken heart remarks
they’ve only ruined for themselves!
They’ve killed their inner sparks!