if I told you I died 5 times today,
would you believe me?

now,
in the horizon there,
my passion hangs on
a weak branch
stained of copper.

oh,
so timeless is the upset of ruin...
feeding the crows who leave
their feathers upon me,
making me black...

he looks upon every
disturbing part of me
with faith,

as if I were never dangerous; forever delicate...

when we stare into
one another, the thousand
ghosts of everything
I am ashamed of become pacified...

there is a lovely green lotus

unfolding from the center of his eye,

as if the iris that looks upon my desperate body

is the darkened water from which it sprouts...

there, in that pool of blood
lies the evidence of my
arrogation to presume
i could make the world a fool

truths i declared were lies
swirl down the porcelain
drown in condemning pain;
my identity's demise

umbilical conceit,
crimson hypocrisy,
with this sure paradox
why do i not know defeat?

Isn't it a lonely world?
Watching from the other side
My life is just passing me by

"You naughty girl,
Questionably feminine,
You know you are a freaking sin!"

Gouge my eyes and watch me scream
Another day
Won't wake up to my dreams
What can I say
When you wouldn't listen?

I don't have your permission

Look into the massive sky
Feeling so inferior
I cry on the interior

"You shameful guy,
Excuse of masculinity."
I'm never allowed to be me

Gouge my eyes and watch me scream
Another day
Won't wake up to my dreams
What can I say
When you wouldn't listen?

I don't have your permission

What can I say,
But dream another day?

Not knowing if we would have worked out had I stayed in London.
Not knowing if you think about me as much as I think about you.
Not knowing if you ever thought about me all those days apart.
Not knowing if you had also wanted to kiss me that afternoon.
Not knowing if we would be together had I been born a boy.
Not knowing if it is me or my gender that is putting you off.
Not knowing if I will ever get to hold your hand.
Not knowing if I will ever get to kiss you.
Not knowing if I will ever see you again.
Not knowing if I will ever be with you.
Not knowing if I will ever be myself.
Not knowing if I will ever be you.

The world is hollow
And I am just a guy
I find it hard to swallow,
But logic must apply

Without it, I am lost
There's no alternative
I wish I knew the cost
To live how I want to live

You can't erase your face.
You can't retrace or displace
the lines you dislike.
Some people try. Why?
At best it makes a mess.

Why am I upset by a little extra bone?
The external effects of my natural testosterone?
How can a bit of unwanted hair excite despair?
Why do I care?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I pointlessly worry
about silly points
like the size of my shoulders
or my knee and thumb joints.
My hairline, my brow ridge,
the shape of my nose,
my masculine pelvis,
my crooked man toes...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My eyes are fine --
My only feature I like.
My shy smile is alright
but not too wide
'cause of my overbite --
-- the size of those incisors!

Now, some would say that I'm just vain,
so self-obsessed I've gone insane.
But I would say that's how we're trained,
At least in this day and age.

Others might paint me like Dorian Gray
praying to Satan for youth to stay,
but I just wish it hadn't gone this way.

Why would you keep your looks immutable
if you were never to begin with beautiful?