the dreams are forgotten quickly
no longer a source of interest
of mystery
or even sadness
they are simply accepted and left to vanquish
into the ether
the years
the words
the search for fire
in a dormant soul
the light is flickering
the voice is quieting
the vision of a kindred spirit
is all but blind hope
the poet in me
meanders alone in his thoughts
that are short and void of secrets
he no longer hears the call
no longer seeks the path
to discovering
the perfectly articulated
thought

I don't really know what exactly is hurting me. There are few people and few things that have gone bad, but I can't pick a person and say that I blame you. I have tried to ask myself, but all I get is that I am sad, for some reason. I get irritated by small things. I don't enjoy the things I used to enjoy earlier. I don't smile the way I used to smile. I feel that something is missing. Some part of me is lost somewhere. Some feelings of mine are lying bruised within my soul. I feel a darkness lurking inside me, but I sparkle in bouts of desperate attempts at happiness. It's almost as if I am screaming for help, without making any noise.

And then sometimes, I blame myself for being so emotional about the things other people just don't even care about. I hate myself for having a heart that is too pure in this soulless world. I have done so much for others. So when I find myself standing alone, fighting my own ugly battle, I do feel betrayed by all those people. I feel used. I feel like ****. And then I just want to say goodbye to all those people. You know, never talk to them, delete their numbers, or block them. I get almost ready to do it, but then I stop. I don't know why I stop. Maybe, I still want to give them a chance. Or maybe, I just want to see how much more they can hurt me.

I deserve better. I deserved more love, care, affection, and loyalty. And that's why it hurts when people just change. They still smile. They are still happy and proud. No trace of shame on their double fake face. They are still beaming as some sort of proud "pure soul", ah! the irony of black souled vultures. And to be honest, I just want to end this all. I want to trace all my pain and punch it dead with some reality-check and self-love. I mean, who wants to stay sad for people who don't even care? So, maybe soon, they won't be able to find me. Soon, the doors of my world will be shut on them, forever. Soon, they won't even exist in my universe. And, I mean all of them. You know, I don't need anyone. I am just so tired of this ******* and drama. Just, go away. I want to live, happy and alone. I am done with people.

:)

These days, these days
conflate a man,
Don't you listen to thee

I'm decibels on a hill
mistaken by sand,
My candid lunacy

Spurned one, spurned one,
take my hand,
Forever in company
Forever in company

I'd traveled the distant vessels
of many an emptied lake
Sojourned fallow desert paths
praying for ancient rains

Great clouds in graceful conduct
Danced their lonely lover's gait
Quenching thirst of other grounds
With such a timely rain

I found upon a poesy
hidden in the shade
Took them gentle to my breast
to kiss away their pain

In creatures here the loss is felt
In summer sun the byways melt
No place for sacred waters run
When Her decisive motion's done

Placed beyond this bowl of stone
The ordered clasts of city grow
On mausolea of daffodils
Her voice forever ceased to know

The glow of sun in zenith speaks
To Her and me through haze and dream
Through knotted rock and speckled sky
I came undone in Her sweet eyes

This is the first time
In almost 4 years
I did not say goodnight

It feels so unnatural
And so surreal,
That for the first time
In almost 4 years

You aren't going to say it back.

I can say it
And you will say it back
But I don't want you

And I see now,
For the first time
In almost 4 years
I don't need you.

You're not the only thing in my life.

this isn't fair
my soul
screams louder than the blizzard raging on outside

life isn't fair
i'm tired of this whole living thing
it's not a type of tired that sleep can fix

i don't want to feel ever again.