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Everyone says I have trauma,
But they don’t know a thing.
I always thought I didn’t do things by halves,
But I only do the last end of suffering.

There is no trauma there,
Should I hate to disappoint you?
(I don’t.)
Everyone thinks I have trauma.

And when I feel strong,
Is it ever good enough,
Or too much, too healthy?
Must I be faking,
Or am I just dissociating?
Everyone believes I have trauma.

There is no trauma back there.
Raven Jul 2019
I seem to always be in a constant state of fight or flight.
The worst part is that there's no one to fight,
and nowhere to fly to,
because the enemy is Me.
My own thoughts, my demons, they cling to me.
They've
     embedded
        themselves
                   into
                       me
like parasites.
Feeding off of my soul,
day in and day out until I am nothing but a husk.
The only way to escape the torment even for a moment
is to
    cleave
          my
             mind
from the present,
to float somewhere between this reality
and the one that the devil on my shoulder
tries to convince me is true.

But there's always still a part of me that holds on down below, in the present, in the real world, so that I can reel myself back in again. So I don't completely drift away like a kite slipping through a child's grasp on a windy day. Drifting on an updraft, whirling and twirling upwards and into the clouds..

    Hell...

       Maybe that wouldn't be so bad.

            Maybe next time,
I'll just let go of the string.
nellie Jul 2019
There comes a time
Where you wake up
And see
Whats reality
And whats a dream
And you feel The Glass Wall
Beneath your fingertips
Completely surrounded
Divided,
Helpless,
Unguided.
Searching for a way out,
a crack in the wall.
But Darling,
The Glass Wall
Only lies within yourself

n.b
the first parts of bohemian rhapsody basically,,,
rewrote an old poem of when i was constantly dissociating
Day Jul 2019
How am I supposed to plan a future?
When, I don't even know
who the **** I am today.
fray narte Jul 2019
my soul is stuck
in old, coastal towns;
a cup of strong coffee in hand;
i can drown in its taste
mixed with my heartbeat running amok.

the sound of the rain
threatens to deform the roof,
as if the midnight sky
was trying
to read her sadness out loud
to the unmarked graves
beyond my ribs;
as if the raindrops
were prison guards
chasing after my soul,
waiting to cage it
back in place.

the broken clock
tells me it's still midnight,
but for all i know,
it may yet be another
sleepless night kinda
monochromatic daybreak
and

i can no longer tell which is louder —
the storm inside my head
or outside.
aiming for that edgar allan poe vibe
purges Jun 2019
i stole the man in the moon
and now i keep him in my room

i hop into my portable radio at night
and i switch the channels
when I get a fright

outside the schools of silver coin fish,
outside, the turtle, who
for a shell, stole a gold dish

yes, you may touch me
but that doesn't make me real

this wavering water glass
is between us
in panes i cannot feel

a glint of gold smoke,
flash of a crystal cigarette

shimmered right out of the spot she stood in,
with one sparkling pirouette
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