I think too much,
much too much,
that I know;
guilt, sadness, worry all wash over me

and yet I am decidedly
content
I present myself as thoughtful
yet happy and if anything,
a bit dull

at the minute,
i'm running away from my head,
from my dreams,
from my plaguing personality,
rotting away at those I love,

let me tell you something,
there's a place I'd like to be right now,
and it's alone,
with my fingers and toes and inner thighs just
tingling.

Being as self conscious and
Insecure as I
Means fixing your hair before
Climbing into an empty
Bed
And sleeping alone,
Discontent with myself
In the dark.

Discontent and boredom battle mightily
To see which owns my addled wit.
Rain streaks down the kitchen windows
Making worm-like shadows on the floor.

The need to move nips at my torpor
And reads my dictionary of excuses
As I stare at crumbs on the tablecloth
And wish I had another biscuit.

What’s gone wrong, I can’t make right.
I’m stuck here with no options
And I don’t care which way it goes;
I’m too busy being grumpy.

There’s a cricket hidden in the hallway
Nine days now and it just won’t die.
The muted chirping stops and starts,
Loud enough to be annoying

But not enough to be a mask and hide
The thunder of my disappointment
When clouds and rain refuse to leave
And I am left with only empty musings.

My hands aren’t pretty any more.
They used to pose so gracefully
But time has bruised and twisted them
And they no longer reach out to be seen.

That’s just another loss to ponder:
Take a number - stand in line.
Everything depresses me, and then...
There’s that mother-******* cricket!
              ljm

The years are liars and they don't keep their word:
They promised me maturity,
But all I got was soft places where I should be firm.
They swore me wisdom,
But all I found was a different kind of foolishness.
They said I'd have new insights
But all I saw was how I miss the flowers of youth.

The years are untrue and make vows they don't intend to keep
They promised me contentment,
But all I received was a slower paced restlessness.
They told me I'd find fulfillment,
But all I've discovered is a bigger yearning.
They assured me these years would be golden,
But I can see through the veneer to the green beneath.

And I curse the days and weeks and years
For they lied to me and then ran away.
                                         vvv

Black mouths
Running down the walls
They gather here
But no one cares to see them

A dead worm sinks through the crust
And blood wells in

Where? Where? Where?
Shrinking to the bone
Where? Where? Where?
Kafka on the shore

They want more than a thank you,
Always wanting more than they need.
It never ends with a thank you,
Just saying more please.
Where did we grow so discontent?
Burning desires that never relent,
Why can't we just accept a thank you?
As a satisfying benefit,
This world is always wanting more.
Greed always knocking at the door,
But why can't it just end at a thank you.
Instead of always wanting more.
Remember to say thank you,
And never always wanting more.

You had secrets you'd been hiding,
But when the blood started spilling
So did they.

You always had an argument,
But when it erupted in discontent,
You had nothing to say.

And you hide behind your innocence,
Blame it all on ignorance
So that you'd be safe.

But in the concoction you'd been brewing,
It was problems you were stirring;
You just couldn't let them lay.

So go ahead and sleep soundly,
But this war that is surrounding
Will eventually make you pay.