It doesnt fit
Theres an itch,
like a wrong suit and I'm pulling at the sleeves
To relieve the wrong ness,
Because it shouldn't hurt this much.
It shouldn't look like hand me downs and disaster,
like patches and a picked at lack-lustre lie
But it is, and I sit in it like the youngest.
Not my style, not my choice
Not my face or how I feel
This unrealness is someone else's.
The pattern is loud, proud of its garish
Flambouyance, as it shows off the ache
The geometric shape of my sharpness
Against the soft of sad
How it frames the sag around my shoulders.
If only I were older,
And time could take in the waist
Sew the hems and make
Me fit
Somehow this is my skin
How am I supposed to wear it?

The past,
Something some people try to forget
And something some people revel in.
Everyone's is unique,
No past is exactly alike,
Mine is different than others.
I grew up too early,
And learned that emotions were obsolete.
They hindered more than helped,
The only thing they brought was more pain
I grew up,
Knowing the things I go through
Will shape me in the future.
I grew up,
Knowing I would always have to be strong,
So I can protect others,
From the horrors that I endured
I grew up,
Knowing the past will help shape my future
The past is the past,
And you can’t run away from it,
No matter what,
It will always come back to haunt you.
You have to deal with it,
And move on,
No matter how hard it seems,
The rollercoaster that is life,
Will always have its kinks,
But it will always end,
In either a terrifying way,
Or a satisfying way.
You pick the way you want it to end.

The fingers slowly play the piano -
The life that you have let be down
But the melody remains silent
It turned out one to be uneasy violent

In lonely nights you disappear
Losing sanity again in days
You’re chained in a shadow sphere
“You’re lost in dark” it says

The wasted time you no care
Living in a constant less
Seems to belong to nowhere
You ****** up I guess

No more music this piano makes
Nothing’s left but silence
The melodies no person plays
In your world of violence

I feel like I'm going down the road
With no destination
And I am leaving this place
That I once called home

I feel like I'm going down the road
An open highway
Without the lights of other cars to guide me
Far from this place I once called home

I feel like I'm going down the road
Stuck in the passenger side
At at the helm of this machine
A beautiful face
Her name is depression
And she's become the one I love

So take us where ever
Sometimes I wish she'd drive
Us off the road
So I can finally feel peace

I never believed in luck just simply cast my fate to the waters and forgot it's direction.
There's a dead promise in chasing others perception of yourself.
It breathes a summer nights existence no breeze of jasmines scent to relive .

I awoke today to see  the bottle empty my hand sliced open a pool of dried blood a reminder this **** is so far from controlled I have become a monster the clock is ticking and my time is borrowed at best .

I don't ******* know how to put on the breaks it was never in my process of thought to begin with.
All my idols are corpses.

The brightest flame only burns for a spilt second before life extinguishes it and leaves it not even recognizable to it's former self.

I began my day as all the rest.
Why fear what you cannot avoid to begin with?
I cleaned up swept the glass and buried my thoughts within myself.

Ignoring the page was the worst crime of them all.
And I was guilty on all counts

Laying all alone
Wrapped in a blanket
A blanket is all
All alone
No one to hold me,
But my own two hands
They caress my naked skin
I shiver
And the lonlyness consumes every inch of my flesh

Contradictions fly through the air around me
Should I keep holding out?
What about the wreck of a life I've made for myself here?
Where do I go?
No one is here for me anymore

All alone
Abondond
Neglected
Abused
Thrown out into the gutters of life

Hated
Spat upon
Lost
Forsaken
Left all for dead

She has always been the love of my life
I've waited
I've held out
I've tried to do what's best for her

Yet I've fucken shattered inside
Nothing in me can hold it in anymore
Every last drop is gone

I think its time.I leave this hollow shell