I find myself within the darkest night
One with inescapable pain
And rocks chipping me away
I am in the dark night of the soul
One of the worst times in my life
I wonder how the moon ever looked bright

'Will I ever come out of this night?'
'I don't really know'
My mother told me when I was thirteen years old
I was already tired of life
Worn down to a crackling wire
That sparks to the touch
I'm dangerous to those who know me
And even those who don't, know enough
I'm trapped in the dark night of the soul
Can someone please open a window?

The dark night of the soul
Envelopes me in its embrace
Smiles as it kisses my face
'Hush,' she says,
'Everything will be okay'
But I have run from this night that has taken me, hostage
I have escaped this cage of the day unlit

A poem can find a dark soul at night
The rebirth I had after I sat with my plight

The demons I held onto and encompassed me with their wings
Spoke of wild, dark, and wicked things.

And I felt warm there
I felt raw
Like an ice sculpture exposed to the sun.
Slowly waiting to thaw.

Or a cocoon forgotten in winter,
Made it to spring
I climbed out of my cocoon when I put down that drink.

I spread my wings when I had enough,
Enough of men who used me to feel tough.

And I flew high above the clouds
Right before my death I looked right into my shadow.
And she said, “I’ll see you again”
“You’ve won this fight, but not the battle”

eking out the ultimate gasp in my last breath of impulsion
i collapse without a touch of grace at race's end
how i made it i will never know
dazed and in bewilderment
i reminisce upon my journey

an aggregation of barricades assailed me
with iniquitous decadent delight
seeming to writhe in triumph at my possible demise
capitulating as it devoured and spewed me out the other side
i humbly reassembled fragments of my near annihilation

temporarily rehabilitated
i recommenced the toilsome climb
to the treasured peak atop the mount
when in would come the tempest with its furor
and render me asunder

mere exhaustion is not the word
for death experienced recurrently
ground to mulch and back again
screaming, pleading, surrendering
proved futile as i newly met the same demise

near incapacitation i miraculously emerged
and scraping pulled myself with broken heart and bones
scratching my way through the darkness
toppling at the pinnacle
to victory's end

with exhilaration it dawns on me
the long dark night is over
i passed the test to realize
it is not the finish line
but only the beginning

©2016janetaylor

Though phantoms may be howling at the edges of my mind
Ripping away gobs of flesh until my soul lies exposed
Rotting off my skull, hanging loose from my tired bones
Whilst the terrifying multitude of my unseen fear
Hath become like the vile, gnashing teeth of night's Reaper
As I bare witness to the demons rising and writhing
Within the silver pool of my own lean, haunted reflection
Yet I cannot turn away; Even in my darkest hour
I must summon the courage to stay; For this is my reckoning.