I escape to a shiny lake
where waters are calmer,
my mistakes are not raked
and the waters are warmer.
But without sting rays
and cold-ness of days,
This town is deserted
and the bar is so empty.
I dream of flirtation
and of illumination.
So much for singularity,
bringing one to peace,
and thoughts come tumbling.

I remember you,
And I know you remember me.
At least, I bet you do,
You were obsessed with me before.

When we were younger,
I thought you were quite the character.
I thought you were a nice person,
Little did I know what I was in for.

It started off small,
You would tell me how discontent you were.
I would try to cheer you up,
To no avail.
You would say that you hated yourself,
I would give you reasons that you were amazing.
We agreed to disagree.
I thought this would be temporary,
I thought it was a phase,
Yet, to my dismay,
It set the stage,
For the rest of the First through Seventh grades.

I would give you everything,
My heart and my ears,
For you just to complain,
About your pain,
Amidst the breaking of my heart.

I can’t remember what year it was,
When you showed me your scars.
When I saw what you would do to yourself,
It made me go numb.
Reality kicked in,
My mind started racing,
I was speechless,
I didn’t know what to say.

Your discontentment,
Turned into resentment,
For your life,
All you could tell me,
Every day,
Was how much you wanted to leave it all behind.
I would plead,
I would beg,
Give you reasons to hold on.
I made the mistake,
Of giving you my heart.
I would go home every night,
Afraid for your safety,
Stay up late and cry,
Wondering if you’d be back at school tomorrow.
Or if you had done what you said,
You’d do…

I started to wonder.
Was this life worth living,
If some people were so determined to throw it away?
Was it worth climbing the mountain,
And experiencing all the pain?
Is the view from the top worth the journey?
Is the hike worth the effort to walk?
I asked myself countless times,
And I came to the conclusion that I,
Think it is.

Seven years,
That’s how long I listened.
How long I let you pull me down,
With your depression.
I didn’t know how to help you,
But I just wanted you to be okay.
You said you cared about me too,
But I don’t think you did.

You began to rub off on me,
The colors had faded to a melancholic gray,
Apathy started to materialize,
And it hasn’t gone away.
You dug us both a hole,
And tried to bury us alive.
I let you have a hold on me,
The biggest mistake of my life.

One day in seventh grade,
You nearly got your wish,
I don’t know all the details,
Ignorance is bliss.
I was broken that night,
Wondering if I,
Could have done more,
Didn’t do enough,
Did I do what’s right?
Or was I hurting us both?
This wasn’t what I wanted when I met you,
All those years ago,
Being around you for seven years,
Was taking its toll.

I snapped,
I broke,
I couldn’t take it anymore.
I cried,
I prayed,
Like I had done those seven years before.
I thought,
I decided,
That it would be best.
If I,
Stepped back,
I couldn’t listen to any more discontentment.

Eight grade was hard,
I didn’t want to push you away,
But I couldn’t stand worrying,
Every single day.
I had to break the chains,
That tethered us together,
I felt like the bad guy,
But sometimes,
Even the villain of the story is justified.
It hurt my soul,
To let you go,
Because I cared,
About you.
You were my friend,
But in the end,
I don’t think it was reciprocated.
I think all I was to you was an ear,
To tell all your thoughts,
To someone willing to hear,
And while that’s fine,
I think you forgot,
That I have a life,
As well.

Ninth, high school began,
And you weren’t there,
Or at least I shut you out,
So I didn’t notice.
Ninth, was the greatest year of school,
In my life,
I felt joy,
I felt at peace,
But most of all,
I felt free.

I hope you’re doing well,
Better than you were.
However, I don’t think I want to talk with you again.
You hurt me,
You cut me deep,
I’m still repairing,
The damage you left me.
I opened my heart to you,
And you brought a hurricane,
You dug us both a hole,
And you left me to fend for myself.
I don’t know,
If I’ll ever escape,
But I’ll dig a tunnel,
And find my way.
There’s always a light,
And I believe I’ll find it,
And bask in its rays.

I wish you the best,
But I’m saying goodbye one last time.
If I’m to move on,
I have to leave you behind.
I’ll put you on a boat,
And push you off into the ocean,
And I’ll hope,
That you too find your way.
I’ll remember your name,
Etched in my brain.
I just had a few things left to say,
A few more thoughts rattling in my brain,
Even though it may have seemed impolite,
I had to give you a piece of my mind.

I remember how I used to wonder.
Was this life worth living,
If some people were so determined to throw it away?
Was it worth climbing the mountain,
And experiencing all the pain?
Is the view from the top worth the journey?
Is the hike worth the effort to walk?
I asked myself countless times,
And I still conclude,
That I,
Think it is.

Farewell,
My former friend.

Where's there's dreams,
there's always disbelief,
clouds of silver lining
coins tossed in fountains,
ages covered in grazing,
wishing for lover lazing,
blinded as such to poison,
sprayed on every flower.

Lit up is the exit sign &
evil the twin that binds,
and for love we give a sigh
wishing moments to rewind.

A wish to do it differently,
comes across all too frequently,
Does the diamond ring sparkle
worth divorce & note hackles?

I'll tell you all a story,
of my past glories
My dad was proud
but look at him, now.
Don't believe the wishbone,
standing under the mistletoe,
Dreams will come crashing,
and the blood stops rushing.

The raven's beak smashes into the eggs,
to eat up the yolk and take one for the road,
for his mate who distracts the humming-birds,
by flying close to the nest and causing distraction.

By the time the hummingbirds realize,
what's left in the nest is a yellow slime of a mess,
their babies lost to the hunger of these evil birds,
smart, intelligent and as cold as their deadly eyes.

darken sharp wings and no love in their eyes,
they'll snap up anything that can easily die,
worms, insects, eggs & the babies in the nest,
Satanic birds, be at your wariest.

little cracks recedes in the pavement,
weeds growing between cement blocks,
the random-ness of fruit placement,
some get bruised and hard around the clock.

the mystery of cutting of the arms,
when the ***** bleeds inner turmoil,
a hair-pin's gold in every barn,
hidden within the hay and the soil.

Her gentle eyes creates my tomb-stone,
a dove comes to pick seeds of the red roses,
over time the flowers dry and rot,
like first day I was placed in a cot.

Suffocating
The one word that describes me
When people say
Slums
Ghetto
Those are my thoughts
Fighting every second
For the right to come out of my mouth
Their jailer
Watching their struggles in cruel fascination

My mind is a battlefield
No scratch that THE battlefield
If I'm angry it's my mind
If I'm sad it's my mind
Is this normal
My thoughts raging
Screaming
For a chance to be released
Am I normal?

That's not for you to answer
I already know what u think
You see me
You think smart kid
You think quiet kid
You think normal

But none
None of you are aware of the world war 3
Inside of me
Sometimes I feel their bombs
I feel the chaos
The struggle
the pain
When I speak of these things
You claim they're headaches
Now I'm on so many meds
I can't feel a thing
Sometimes
I shout back
Getting a moment of silence
But then the memories
Oh God the memories
My mistakes
All my falls from grace
Dumb things I've tried to do
I can't deal with them
So I leave them be
My thoughts that is

All I want is silence
Pure undefiled silence
But I can't get that
I look at the jailer
He looks back
Reminding me of the abyss that is my heart
I have lived my whole life like this
In this perpetual state of detachment
Of seeing life but not living it
Wishing that one day I'll understand
Why people smile
Why they jump with joy
And why
I seem to be the only one trying to live
And why
My struggles seem to be surreal

And one last thing as I get down from this stage
I saw the jailer's face...
It was me
I'm the one causing these thoughts
I'm the one wishing for them to die
A creator trying to **** his own creation
Very philosophical in a sense
But here's to hoping that I'll understand
Eventually.

I'm skip hopping the ropes
Tired of trying to cope,
losing sight of all hope,
taking all the dope.
On a slippery *****
A random  country goat,
the paddles without a boat.
I try to warm the air,
but arn't no country fair,
I'm in the city,
and a zombie.
Tells me to stop writing
I want my old life back please,
Before I'm deceased,
but wouldn't you believe....
In 50 years , I have my legacy.
It will be my poetry.

There's a constant buzzing
its in the nearby garden,
I can see the unique beauty
of the butterfly wings.
But I refuse to engage,
I reinforce this cage.

The colors so much captivate
but there's a drowning to the wait.
Can't you just understand me?
I've driven in with all my pleas

Its not a square but the stanley,
I'm trying not to get so wasted,
A screwdriver can never always,
sometimes the screws will run and run,
but never settle in and to the stead
A square though replaced the Stanley,
can't bring upon a release of the breeze.