I am a distract yourself from the problem instead of facing things kind of person
I am a ‘the problem’ doesn’t exist unless you think about it person
I am a scared to be alone with their thoughts kind of person
I am the maybe it will just go away kind of person
I am the we can deal with it all another day kind of person
But the lie awake at night not being able to think of anything else kind of person
I am afraid to cry
Afraid to feel
Afraid to tell anyone anything that might make me slightly vulnerable
I can’t procrastinate but I can’t do it right now kind of person
I am the think of all the people you will disappoint kind of person
I am the kind of person where you think about me and realise you actually know nothing about who I am
My secrets
My dreams
My aspirations
I am the don’t tell anyone otherwise you’ll jinx it kind of person
I am the obsessive
I am kind (out loud)
I have emotions that are far to complex to verbalise or comprehend
My weakness is caring
My weakness is not wanting to upset anyone
And I know that sounds like a strength but it internally destroys me when someone says something wrong and I physically can’t open my mouth to verbally respond
And I try my best but its when I’m alone with my thoughts it hurts the most
When I realise there is no podcast, no movie, no Tv show or book to distract me from the inevitable
And you’re probably wondering what the inevitable is
But I don’t know

And that’s what scares me
That’s what keeps me up at night
Maybe a fear of failure
Maybe a build up of all those thoughts I’ve procrastinated thinking about
Maybe all those tears I should probably cry
But I can’t
No because then I’m weak
No because then someone can manipulate me
No because then I show that I’m not strong 100% of the time.
Even when I’m alone
And I don’t know why because I think people that can cry are brave I see their vulnerability as a strength because only the toughest don’t care what people think of them even at their weakest.
Plus crying is beautiful
And feeling is too
Because sadness hurts but happiness is ecstasy
And you can’t truly feel one without feeling the other
I am the fix your problems yourself kind of person
I am the don’t be a liability kind of person
I am the don’t weigh people down with your thoughts kind of person  
I have no idea but every idea of who I am as a person

This - getting glimpses of all that could have been - it is torture for the soul

It all started in March with
the people on television claiming
that it will be back to
normal in three months but
now it’s  here for
it’s first birthday  as I watch in
horror as the death toll rises from
nearly zero to half a million and the
stupid curve never deflating i’m
sick and tired of people being sick and
tired and “forgetting” that humans are
dying as if it's okay to go out just because
you’re some kind of ******* celebrity why
can’t you understand that the
world doesn’t
revolve around you i
stand helpless while
corporations boast that we’re “all
in this together” when we’re
not because unlike me you can
make a difference but yet you
sit on a throne made of
cash while essential workers struggle to
breathe their mask digging into their
skin tears dripping onto seagreen scrubs
i’m starting to
think that the real
virus is
you.

it won't be long
this time won't be too long
i promise it will not last forever.

but somewhere deep inside
wrapped in the darkness of my insides
i enjoy this mental desert - or whatever

this is,
of nightmares in daydreams...

we flee from the sudden chase of heavy harms
bursting out from frightening dreams.
the hot pursuits that flashes past
like lightning over cloudy skies.

we saw sore shelter in the blood
whistling out a call to find aids
even as hunger was betrayed
and tongue wails as scary birds flew.

fleets of ebola fevered our voices,
rising from the shores like angry waters
to drown our rats in the poison of their own fever.

our defenses ran naked every single time
till it becomes a passage that leads
from frightening dreams to pleasant images.

beneath this angry shower
comes yet another nightmare.
a corona,
that comes in to lit the lungs from dark shades.
a chase by moonlight that stretches into daylight.

we flee on
from this sudden chase of heavy hounds
holding on to the hope
that our defences would run them out
and save our neck once again.

#El_Magnifico™

The last 2 months have made me a changed human being,
I have learnt new things and have improved my skills.
The time told me to stay motivated all the time,
If or if not the situation is under control of mine.
Tons of people are diagnosed,
No more warm hugs from the one's we love the most .
Still a Ray of hope Rises along with the brightness of the Sun,
After a dark night of gloom a chutzpah may come .


The last 2 months have made me a changed human being ,
A human who now have a different picture of Superheroes in its mind .
Not Marvel Avengers or Spider-Man,
But doctors and policemen .
A person who used to have many tantrums earlier,
Have become a person who learn to pay gratitude to everything smaller than smaller.


I have a lot of people to talk , thank god !!
Now I know how lucky I am ,
That I have a shelter a loving family and food to eat,
Yes , the last two months have made me a changed human being

three small words

the first time
i felt sick
could not believe
never heard before
never felt before
called you foolish
but only after
did i understand
your painful truth

people always leave

and so did you