Mar 2021
I am a distract yourself from the problem instead of facing things kind of person
I am a ‘the problem’ doesn’t exist unless you think about it person
I am a scared to be alone with their thoughts kind of person
I am the maybe it will just go away kind of person
I am the we can deal with it all another day kind of person
But the lie awake at night not being able to think of anything else kind of person
I am afraid to cry
Afraid to feel
Afraid to tell anyone anything that might make me slightly vulnerable
I can’t procrastinate but I can’t do it right now kind of person
I am the think of all the people you will disappoint kind of person
I am the kind of person where you think about me and realise you actually know nothing about who I am
My secrets
My dreams
My aspirations
I am the don’t tell anyone otherwise you’ll jinx it kind of person
I am the obsessive
I am kind (out loud)
I have emotions that are far to complex to verbalise or comprehend
My weakness is caring
My weakness is not wanting to upset anyone
And I know that sounds like a strength but it internally destroys me when someone says something wrong and I physically can’t open my mouth to verbally respond
And I try my best but its when I’m alone with my thoughts it hurts the most
When I realise there is no podcast, no movie, no Tv show or book to distract me from the inevitable
And you’re probably wondering what the inevitable is
But I don’t know
And that’s what scares me
That’s what keeps me up at night
Maybe a fear of failure
Maybe a build up of all those thoughts I’ve procrastinated thinking about
Maybe all those tears I should probably cry
But I can’t
No because then I’m weak
No because then someone can manipulate me
No because then I show that I’m not strong 100% of the time.
Even when I’m alone
And I don’t know why because I think people that can cry are brave I see their vulnerability as a strength because only the toughest don’t care what people think of them even at their weakest.
Plus crying is beautiful
And feeling is too
Because sadness hurts but happiness is ecstasy
And you can’t truly feel one without feeling the other
I am the fix your problems yourself kind of person
I am the don’t be a liability kind of person
I am the don’t weigh people down with your thoughts kind of person
I have no idea but every idea of who I am as a person
I am a ‘the problem’ doesn’t exist unless you think about it person
I am a scared to be alone with their thoughts kind of person
I am the maybe it will just go away kind of person
I am the we can deal with it all another day kind of person
But the lie awake at night not being able to think of anything else kind of person
I am afraid to cry
Afraid to feel
Afraid to tell anyone anything that might make me slightly vulnerable
I can’t procrastinate but I can’t do it right now kind of person
I am the think of all the people you will disappoint kind of person
I am the kind of person where you think about me and realise you actually know nothing about who I am
My secrets
My dreams
My aspirations
I am the don’t tell anyone otherwise you’ll jinx it kind of person
I am the obsessive
I am kind (out loud)
I have emotions that are far to complex to verbalise or comprehend
My weakness is caring
My weakness is not wanting to upset anyone
And I know that sounds like a strength but it internally destroys me when someone says something wrong and I physically can’t open my mouth to verbally respond
And I try my best but its when I’m alone with my thoughts it hurts the most
When I realise there is no podcast, no movie, no Tv show or book to distract me from the inevitable
And you’re probably wondering what the inevitable is
But I don’t know
And that’s what scares me
That’s what keeps me up at night
Maybe a fear of failure
Maybe a build up of all those thoughts I’ve procrastinated thinking about
Maybe all those tears I should probably cry
But I can’t
No because then I’m weak
No because then someone can manipulate me
No because then I show that I’m not strong 100% of the time.
Even when I’m alone
And I don’t know why because I think people that can cry are brave I see their vulnerability as a strength because only the toughest don’t care what people think of them even at their weakest.
Plus crying is beautiful
And feeling is too
Because sadness hurts but happiness is ecstasy
And you can’t truly feel one without feeling the other
I am the fix your problems yourself kind of person
I am the don’t be a liability kind of person
I am the don’t weigh people down with your thoughts kind of person
I have no idea but every idea of who I am as a person
