i am an inside child,
handles are red-hot
doors terrify me with
screams only i hear if i dare
breathe the fresh air
of scary eyes i am afraid.
mom, why am i not
normal why am i stuck
inside why am i a
hikikomori who
hides why do i cry if i try to
go outside?

Apathy is a killer of children;
Oh great poisonous snake
Don’t you have any compassion?
Apathy is a killer of children;
Anna, Steve, Sebastian,
Will you make it to the kingdom?
Selfish preservation persists
From the inside of each one of your lips
But was it the times that did this?

Or was it the trauma of your siblings both getting arrested
And when your dad started calling your mom a *****?
Or was it the fact that your dad runs the ******* off Kirk
And you spend your days there watching women strip?
Or was it the fact that your older brother dealt drugs
And it was easy enough to get him to give you some,
And now it’s common practice to smoke **** at your house,
And when you feel numb you let yourself bleed out?
Or was that your parents never parented you
And they let you do whatever you wanted to do,
So at eight R-rated movies were nothing that new
And you watched ****** and ****** like daily cartoons.
And where were your parents when this happened to your hearts?
Oh right, they were screaming and yelling till you fell apart
And then doing the same things that they bruised you for
And then eventually not caring if you did them some more!

Was it your parents?
Was it their parents?
Was it this cycle?
Who can bear it?
Who can we blame?
Who will make the claim?
Who can you place all our burdens on and then walk away?
I can’t bear the weight
I can’t bear the weight
I can’t bear the weight
I can’t bear the weight
We can’t bear the weight
We can’t bear the weight
We can’t bear the weight
We can’t bear the weight!

And who’s going to stop and care about Sophie,
Not unstable enough to try to **** herself
But she’s feeling confused and she’s  feeling lowly
And she hopes she can have better mental health,
But the hospital will only make sure she’s calmed down
And her mom and her grandma won’t help her figure it out
And she’s been hurt from therapy and is afraid to go back
To a stranger who’s just there for a paycheck and that’s that!
Who’s hands will stay and hold all her blood
When it trickles down her arms from all her poorly hidden cuts!
Who has her blood on her hands, who is to blame
When her mom kicks down the door and screams her name:

“Sophie I’m sorry!”

Name the killer of children,
Can you name the killer of children?
Is there anyone specific
Who taught them to do this?
Name the killer of children.
Can you name the killer of children?
Was it their parents?
Was it this cycle?
Was it this world?
Was it their idols?
Name the killer of children.
Can you name the killer of children?
If anyone causes these little ones to stumble
Let them be tied to a millstone, drowning deep in open waters!
Can you name the killer of children?
Or do you have at least a spot to bury them in?

All adults were once children
There are no exceptions
And that's what's truly heartbreaking
Villians are made, not born
At least not always

Every angsty drug dealer
Every teacher
Every depressed poet
Every grave

When you see a homeless person
Do you ever wonder what their life has been before?
They were just a child
With hope
Hope which died along with their innocence

Lawrence Hall, HSG
Mhall46184@aol.com

                         I’m Gonna Tell Santa Claus on You!

                                            Nora and Theo

The children scamper across my grassy lawn
And bring me wiggly worms to identify
Big acorns to admire, lemons fallen weeks before
Sticks and leaves, pinecones, flowers, and bits of bark

They lose their shoes and socks beneath the oak
They drink from the water hose and don’t turn it off
They chase the dog and the dog chases them
They shriek out joyfully because they can

I growl that if I mow another bit of brick
I’m gonna tell ol’ Santa Claus on them

They laugh at me, and bring me another worm

Because I am my father's child, forgive me whilst I observe your character without allowing myself to fall for you pretences.

Because I am my father's child, ignore me as I ignore you watching me, you thinking that I cannot see you watching me.

Because I am my father's child, hold me back when I replay my past hurts in my tone.

Because I am my father's child, observe me as my doe-like eyes observe the beauties of The Father's world for me.

Because I am my father's child please pull me out of my tornado of self doubt and self hatred when you see a cloud of darkness over me.

Because I am my father's child, do not bother me when my face seems distorted with confusion, I am only dissolving into my thoughts.

Because I am my father's child, ignore the voice you hear when I think I am alone, at times it is the richness in my own tone that I  wish to hear the most.

Because I am my father's child, do not be fazed by the guttural sounds of my prayers, it shakes the ground because whatever I bind on earth is bound in heaven.

Because I am my father's child, please think before you spit words of despair into my face, he and I are still healing from how our father's treated us.

A dead baby
  is a baby that's died
      in anyone's language.