That wasn't how I thought it'd go.
I'm left feeling useless and confused.
Why do we text all the time, if you can't even form a sentence on the phone?

Pure silence filling the room and my heart.
Maybe you were upset and tired,
But you could have at least tried, that's all that I ask,
for you to try to get to know me.

Maybe they were right about you.
You haven't figured out life yet,
and you don't seem to be trying.
You complain about life,
yet you do nothing to change it.
Maybe you were right about you.
You constantly putting yourself down,
Me constantly trying to encourage you,
But maybe all this time, you were right.

Once again, my wanting to see the best in people puts a knife in my back.
I guess this is what I get for being kind.

I am scared to write a hello to you.
Can you be brave and text me first?
I hope it will not hurt your ego cause'
I am already afraid when I'm at my worst.

I am really scared to give you a call.
Can you be brave and take the fall?
I hope it will not hurt your ego cause'
at my worst I just cannot stand tall.

/i love you forever, oliver. you hold my heart./

hand on cheek, soft, a caress. i melt under his fingertips.

/i love you for always, my elio./

i kiss each knuckle, dimpled. the tears fall, as i did for him.

/you’re like peach ice cream, you’re the breeze through the window. how on earth did the heavens let you leave?/

/they had cast me out, i didn’t agree./

mouth on mine. hand under the shirt. the sunlight catches the eyes locked to mine, and i plummet into his ocean.

/god help me./

stumble, towards the bed. land, on thin cotton freshly laundered. ruin the folds, crease them. peaches dance in the air, trickling down my throat and my collarbones and my ribs and my stomach and-

/oh!/

warmth envelops me, those ample lips softer than they appear. flesh, tongue flickers.

/oh, oliver. your mouth is dangerous./

it’s a curse, bittersweet. i am trapped, though why would i ever wish to leave? this soft cacophony of pleasure, this intimacy that holds me close and rises like a wave. i am close to the surface, i can feel myself breaking-

/you’re so pretty with your head titled back. but let me see those eyes, i want to know what you really feel like/

locked, caught. deer in the headlights, an owl in the road. he does not let me go. a sticky grin, wiped on a sleeve. roses, pressed. teeth, not as sharp as they can be.

he kisses up towards my nose and leaves a delicate print. a hand in my hair, smoothing the erratic curls. his eyes smile, brighter than the sun beams streaming through the window.

he lays his head on my chest, my arms wrap round him protectively.

/elio, don’t let me leave this bed. don’t let those arms fall to your sides, hold me for as long as you love me./

a kiss, soft and on the forehead.

/then we shall both die within this bed./

I don't know your story, I've never read
a paragraph of you life..
                    I'll not lie I don't know when

your life became a doodle circling around
                                                despair.

But I've been through things you've never
                 wrote about.
  
                                              But I'm still here.

Don't think that a page will never turn,
              that a paragraph became a sentence
                 then a singular word


                                                           END....

I cant hold you I've never even met you.
              But if I just listen to your voice
its cutting me inside.
          but I'm here for you, a voice shining
in the dark places where your own voice
                                         had deafened you.

We can talk for as long as you want.

                         please insert coins in..
                         this call will end in
                                6.
                                   5.
                                     4.
                                     3.2.1.....

Then your gone..

But I redial and I hear the tears circle the
                  phone cord, tightly grasping around your
                                                              vocal cords.


I'm here for you, ill stay till the silence isn't so profound
         when your  voice inside isn't so loud.

Just sleep on it after weve talked.
            No your not alone, after I'm gone
                      talk to a friend, realise that they'll
be a brick in the wall to hold you up,
                                                          not to crumble.

Remember that I'm hear, now lets just talk.

Chants in droning, layered voices
spin around me as the portal whips and swirls.

Vision leaves for blindness, then
returns again in purple tunnels, bending, twisting.

My mind appeals to enlightened reason
as a pain begins to escalate.

Somehow, I know the feeling coming,
and this one, I do not want to come.

My feathers and my skin, then reject
my body in its whole. I feel it peel away.

There's nothing but death ahead.
A right angle to admire in flight.

Falling, free, yet truly contained for the first time.
What's left? An ending far past my feeling's edge.
Beyond all comprehension --

Why would I strive for gains in paper and credit,
when breaking the boundaries means I may well
never know human contact, again?

From the womb, I've squeezed from a trigger pull.
I'm a representation of cyclical self destruction,
until I lose my velocity to life.

Where's my beholden, blue light ignited soul?
A siren throat is bone dry, floating on the ocean,
hopelessly croaking the notes.

Would any human ever ignore their good senses
just to commit to an abomination, who is sin
simply in their existence?

There's nothing but death on the horizon.
A right angle to admire in descent.

Raise the flag!
The lucky lost
fighting waves of inky stars.

Sleepless soldiers
on silent streets,
waging war on the wild and wistful.

Fall in line,
learn our song!
These ragged ranks have room for all.

So long as dreams ne'er come
and nightmares run,
we will whisper our violent lullabies.