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MisfitOfSociety Jun 2019
I want to climb inside to feel your beating heart.
Let me show you another way to love that will bring us closer.
If you say no this may pull us a part.
Let me shoulder my way into you, to become your center.

Shouldering my way into the bunny's burrow,
Shifting my way through the darkness to fill what's hollow.

Something wet and warm is stretching over me.
It welcomes and embraces my entire body.

This is not even half as high as heaven,
But it is as close as spirit.

Many people could not get in,
But I am the perfect fit.

Up to my arms in you,

I am a quater of the way there.

Up to my waist in you,

I am half way there

Up to my feet in you,

I am nearly there.

All the way in now,

All the way...

In.
The shape of the poem provides an answer
Her home of a tree,
She jostles down,
As if height were but a myth.

She hobbles up,
And greets my hand,
With kisses of a little black nose.

She rustles up to me,
Her soft fur comforting me,
As all of nature sways.

"I haven't seen you in ages" I say,
Feeling as though too many years,
Years have passed since I have seen her.

As I think about my time as a child,
Naive and dependent,
I think about my adulthood.

She makes no noise,
But the ruffles of her feet—
My smile hers as I brush her.

After all this time,
I feel differently about this place,
This changed, familiar place.

She is the sun of Nostalgia's light,
A memory of the past.
I reminisce about the fallen trees,
And wonder how long she has waited.
"I'm sorry I neglected you so long" I say to her,
"I simply had to grow up".

Her whiskers warmly tickled me,
Her thoughtless happiness saying,
"I forgive you" in some way.

I think about the stretches of time,
In which all has changed,
Yet I stand in the back of the mystifying yard,
A slice of altered past, long swept by the seas of time,
Where she affectionately acknowledges me.



As her soft, large, round, greyish, white-brown face,
Pushes against my ankles as I squat,
I forget the strain of my body's weight.

She lifts my spirit into the air,
Leaving behind my grounded form,
As we gaze at each other from eye to eye to eye to eye.

"Come back any time", she says,
"And I'll be here.
I'll never be lost to time".


I open my eyes, sitting amongst the grass of a lonely yard.
The encroaching forest chirps with lulled noises, as I look at my hand, extended for naught but the short stalks of green that rise from the ground.
I feel my adult self, my life, pouring through my head.
I know, from within the realm of my heart, I  know that I can always return.
I can always return and feel her again.

Nostalgia.


© 2019 t.v. Amaryllis
Megitta Ignacia May 2019
You left me

s                            
h            
        h                          
     a
t
t                
              e
r
        e
d


in pieces
on the floor.
290519 | 13:39 PM abis beresin workshop diffable, perasan masih campur aduk, belum reda juga kemarahanku atas pergimu. Semalam waktu dibonceng diatas motor ditengah dinginnya malam, ada epiphany, bahwa kita pernah hanya bertahan karena lamanya waktu & kubaca lagi pesan-pesanmu, ada kesimpulan lain yang kali ini kutemukan, sepertinya kamu berubah setelah kuceritakan tentang koin-koin. Ah, dari dulu kita sama-sama tahu kamu benaluku.Perlahan aku berterimakasih pada Tuhan karena Ia menyelamatkanku dari parasit.
Megitta Ignacia May 2019
Us
Raguku telah kau hapus
Namun bungkammu sendiri yang membuatmu mampus
Tak terkesan serius
Mana kutahu kau mau berlabuh atau lanjut terus
Kamu kira aku jenius
Kau saja telah berhenti mengurus
Tiada perhatian, peduli, ataupun aplaus
Gelagatmu tandus
Payah kau, si rakus
Secuil sesal ini membius
Sayangnya tak ada rumus
Hanya bersisa putus
Ah sudah pupus
Tak mau lagi ku terjerumus
Kamu tetap jadi kultus
220519 | 2:54 AM | Kost's A
I can't sleep, feeling awful, incessantly listening to Sal Priadi's melancholist songs with tears running down my cheeck. I'm triggered again, my trauma. This is just how my body cope with a broken heart. Maybe it's just how my oxytocin levels fell down to the floor. I can't stop thinking why you put me in this unfair situation, hurts me, ypu playing victim, making a simple thing that can be fixed easily, massive. In instance you said I am the one who cause this relationship to end, without asking me why I did the thing I did. But yea, whatever, I believe God's way is for good future.
Megitta Ignacia May 2019
Lunas sudah
selepas kutelusuri
segenap
frekuensi relatif
tak bersisa
aksiku menghadang dirimu.

Bukan khayal
angsa anggunku
satelit jiwa kala lampau
heranku dibuatnya
gamblangnya usaikan
cerita.

Benarkah
kesembronoanku?
Dambaku, kau tanya nalarmu.

Buram rekamanku
namun tak lagi
ada inginku berceloteh
per kau lempar ke kolong
tak beri sela kompromi.

Mustahil pudarkan rasaku,
hanya pikiranku,
luruh binasa.

Setakar janjiku,
ini kali terakhir aku datang padamu.

Makasih ya
Kini, aku berhenti mengugat
walau tanganku bergetar pelak
Tuhan buat yang baik menyeruak
kutenang, tak lagi koyak,
toh jika baik, kembali dipersatukan kelak.
demikianlah.
akhirnya kulepas juga genggamanku.
210519 | 14:42 PM | meja kayu bundar
Setelah berdoa sepanjang malam dan pagi, akhirnya memutuskan kirim pesan lewat nomor baru, nothing to lose. Aku tak akan pernah tenng kalau tak begini, akan kuusahakan apa yang kubisa, daripada diam menunggu & menebak-nebak apa yang ada di kepalanya. Janjiku, ga masalaj jika hasilnya bukan seperti apa yang kuhendaki, yang penting udah kucoba perjuangin. Untuknya yang memilih menjauh, kenapa bergegas segitu cepat? kamu pakai ayat-ayat kudus menyakitkan, karena akupun menyerahkan semuanya ini ke tangan Bapa yang mengirimu padaku. Kali ini, ini yang terakhir, aku doakan yang terbaik bagimu. Makasih untuk 7 tahun ini, agar kau tahu sampai saat ini hanya kamu yang kubiarkan masuk ke pintu kehidupanku I put 110% jiwaku ke kamu, di bali ini kalo aku liat makanan enak aku mikirinnya kamu, gimana caranya biar aku bisa buatin itu buat km pas berkeluarga, walaupun mungkin sebaliknya aku justru suam-suam kuku di semestamu. Sampaikan salamku pada keluargamu, aku pamit, maafkan apapun kesalahnku padamu. Semoga suatu saat nanti pintu silaturahmi yg kamu tutup itu, bisa jadi baik. Entah.
Megitta Ignacia May 2019
Let me tell you, it happened to me once,
---------

She left.
The worst part of it all were the questions
Why didn't she give me a reason
Why didn't she waits for me
A puzzle to be decoded,
I carefully studied past memories,
dutifully analyzing every words I said
What was wrong?
It's unfair how she left without a reason

Every night & day
I spiralled downwards into despair
The pain barely registers
My world were gray
Hyperbolic, but it is
Life was pointless
The future was a fog
I cursed myself, hoped something could happened so I didn't have to be alive

"Should I go find him? I'll wait for him, I trust him, he exclusive to me."

Don’t be fooled
On the first 3 months, I thought that too
But she cuts her hearts into 3 & gave it away
That's how she cope with the pain
She heals faster that way
No point to stay like a dog sitting & waiting for its owner to come home behind the closed door
Complexity of human beings
Don't be a burden of feelings
Yours and another’s
There's still a residual damage

Eventually after 4 months I got her back
My heart was so happy that she comes home
I loved her, but she wasn't entirely mine
I could force a marrige & have a family with her
But I realized if I did that, it will be only pressured me
Everything that's not supposed to yours will slipped out of you grip sooner or later, no matter how hard you hold it.

"What about my theory if some black magic witch played a trick on him? we're in Indonesia, you know sometimes it happens illogicaly"

Feelings become stronger than reasoning. Even though I’m ideologically opposed to your theory, if it happened then it happened with God 's permission. It could be a way to save you from him. All for a good cause.

It's his choice
An active action
Accept that
It's just a matter of breaking a habit you're attached to

I'm not forbid you to go there
If you still wan't to fight for him, does he deserve your efffort?
Choose your battle wisely
Don't go alone & promise me
If it's not what you expect,
If you encounteres a road to disappointment
Do not do anything stupid
I don't want to hear you did any lame attempt to escape from this world

Don’t push the thoughts away
Let them in,
Embrace the sadness and heart break
Accept them and let them be there
This is a learning journey, you'll be fine
Time will erase the pain away.
160519 | 5 PM | Office on a sundown curhat session with my beloved coworker. Aku percaya tuhan segitu baiknya sampe kenalin Ipul ke aku & dia bisa ceritain kisahnya biar aku tetep kuat. I'm still undecided, cuma nunggu konfrimasi dari tante ttg tiketnya dibiarin hangus atau tetep pergi. Tapi buat apa kita coba kejar sesuatu yg gamau dikejar.
Tint May 2019
Now is the seventh
The day for simple hugs
simple laughs, tears, confessions
the day for simple love

The day I thought it was over
I collided with blue-red lights
fear and happiness ****** me in
but I had you in my arms

Do you think about the seventh?
when I am forgotten
and you go far
I'll be the stardust for the nights

Maybe people will think pretty
for me you are the gem
even if everyone thinks me badly
you will always stay my gem

Show me love in this seventh
the day I found the one
when the closeness became romance
when I kissed my love goodnight.
Happy seventh to you.
Megitta Ignacia Apr 2019
Pasir memeluk kakiku, tak mau melepaskanku.
Licinnya pasir berkali-kali membuatku terhisap.
Sama seperti pelukanmu kala itu,
yang terus mengunciku,
berontak tiada artinya
sampai akhirnya jiwaku tunduk pula padamu.

Kita pernah bahagia,
Bagai burung-burung yang terbang rendah, bermain-main diantara air,
Mengintip manisnya pantulan diri air biru.

Yang lama terasa singkat.
Seperti langit merah muda yang lama lama termakan kabut pindah ke kegelapan malam yang menenangkan hanya dalam hitungan detik.

Bagai kapal yang mengapung terombang ambing kencangnya ombak,
Ia tetap teguh karena telah menjatuhkan jangkarnya.
Begitulah aku ketika pada akhirnya hanya kau dijiwaku.

Namun arus laut begitu kuat,
begitu sulit untuk berenang pada arah tujuan.
Semesta punya ceritanya,
berkali-kali kupaksakan tubuhku tak terbawa arus,
namun kakiku lemah, terus menerus terobek tajamnya batu karang yang tak kelihatan.
Mungkin itu cara semesta beritahu
bahwa disana bukan tempat yang aman bagiku.

Aku menyerah.
Seperti butiran pasir yang kugenggam erat dibawah air laut,
satu per satu rontok,
aku tergoda untuk membuka tanganku di bawah air
dan menyaksikan kemegahan pasir-pasir kecil yang jatuh menghilang terseret air.
Itulah kau.

Laut punya caranya.
Semuanya akan terjadi alami.
Semesta poros pengaturnya.
Biarlah laut hapuskan kau.

Tenang saja,
aku akan kembali baik-baik saja.
Seperti debur ombak yang menyapu kasarnya pasir, ia mampu mendatarkan lintasannya yang sebelumnya hancur teracak-acak angin.

Bagai tapak kaki di basahnya pasir,
berjejak namun akan segera hilang begitu terhanyut ombak ataupun angin yg berhembus.
060419 | 9:38 AM | Kost Warmadewa
ditulis sebelum berangkat kerja,setelah kukirimkan teks panjang padamu.

"are we done?"
"
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