I'm made of cobwebs, shaded grays,
echos faded by the murky streetlight;
Festive blobs signal the holidays -
and ricochet off me into the night.
.
A thick, dull fog 'tween me and them,
a brick wall no one can see;
seamless weights in my hem,
and dust inside what used to be me.
.
And then there's you, a year away,
waisted tears, and prayers null;
an end thought for each void day,
a whisper-scratch in my old hull.
.
The words avoid me, skittish things,
like birds that flutter fragile wings;
the right ones are only fledglings,
too young for new beginnings.
.
And I wish that I could care for cold,
worn out flat 'tween mortar and pestle,
a forlorn growth ring in a tree of old,
trapped inside a rotting vessel.
.
.

Once upon a time there was a little girl
a girl who was smiling and laughing
being a happy little girl
but then she lost the most important woman in her life
she lost a piece of her heart
she wasn't smiling anymore nor laughing
she started being by herself


she grew up
lonely and sad
carving her skin
starving herself
crying at night
missing her mother

Then she met him
he said he could heal her but instead he ripped her heart out of her chest
leaving her alone to die

she had lost everything
and to this day
she sits by her window
and wishes that she could jump and feel how the wind hugs her and holds her tight for a second
and then she could be in peace
and no one remembering her or missing her

thats the story of a girl who lost everything

Here's a red carnation,
A piece of my once shattered heart,
One red for a yellow,
If only you could see how much you still mean to me,
Here's a yellow carnation,
I’ll be in denial,
Holding onto the little sanity I have left,
I still see you everyday,
Hoping for the time we’ll meet,
When our souls would form the base of Yin and Yang,
You look so happy with him,
While I still hold on to the Yellow Carnation,
One heart for a piece,
Let's go gambling,
I’d give all I have, just for little from you,
I’ll be here for a little while
Hoping and wishing upon every star,
Pretending that I didn't receive the Yellow Carnation,
Printing  every single details of you in my head,
While giving a different script,
Imagining a different world,
Where you like me like I do,
Here's a purple carnation,
And a red,
And a yellow
With colors that blend,
In words unsaid

Perfect on a first glance
On the inside, I built a fence
A fortress and summoned soldiers
While you threw your pain
On my shoulders.

Prepared for the war,
You didn't think I'd go this far;
I now live to outshine
The day you killed me inside.

Hey there little Brother

You've left is once again, I know that this was not by choice but God needed you there, I know that you hurting, the same way we all do but you have to know this Louboy, you've won the race and now you get to see God's face, please don't be so disheartened, your mom's and dad's  are okay, you were truly special that's why God couldn't wait, for you to come back home and take up your rightful place, today we are mourning but we also celebrate the beautiful memories that we got to make, no no don't cry, dry your eyes and celebrate your life is now eternal we still have to wait. So please little brother, please prepare our place for we pray to meet you once again face to face.

The gentle bite of silence
In night seems like a kiss
My gaze held as a weapon
Ignoring risk

So I remain free from fear
Doesn't work too well
Between eyes and mine is space
Day after day I miss your smell

Turn not ahead but towards me
Me and you formerly had it all
Stars used to shine for only us
They have since begun to fall

But if you remember
I'll love you til I die
Depths of devotion
Give me one more try

Love, oh my love,
you left me defenseless;
no gods above,
no miracle on Christmas.
.
Memories of you
slip through my fingers:
they leave me too;
melancholy lingers.
The protective veil
I weaved from our past
threatens to fail,
flags at half-mast.
Transparent and frail
like a plastic bag;
a soundless wail,
a threadbare rag.
.
My anemic hope,
my castle of denial -
a thinning rope,
dusk to a sundial.
.
And there are days when I surface
- gasp for air and scour for land -
till the waves pull me in the blackness,
back to the despair I understand.
.
And you won't read this one,
this one will stay
at the bottom of an ocean,
out of your way.
.

Fight against time, I try to remember;
it slips away like fragments of a dream;
our every moment - a winter ember -
fades as I silently scream.
.
And sweet oblivion doesn't follow:
it leaves me feeling empty and cold;
Without those memories I am hollow,
need them to warm what's left of my soul.
.
I cling desperately to pieces and bits:
each shared laugh and each kiss,
and then even harder the truth hits:
you're gone and I'm alone in the abyss.
.
I stare at our photo for far too long,
wonder if I could have done more;
I hear you in every love song,
still need you in my very core.
.
I bought a perfume just like yours -
pathetic, I know, but it helps me sleep -
I hold your hoodie like a protective force,
to feel like somehow a piece of you I keep.
.
And I need you to know I want you to live,
to be as happy as you can be;
I wish you the best life can give,
even if it's without me.
.

As the snowy days grow colder,
I'm in the trenches, like a soldier:
a war against my own heart.
.
Shrapnel, bullets, drying blood
surround me in the mud
since we've been apart.
.
My enemy knows no reason,
cares not for negotiation;
moving on for it is treason;
accepts no explanation.
.
And I keep fighting through the pain,
survival instincts wax and wane,
But in my chest I keep a hope.
.
Weak and battered, yet alight,
a single candle in the night -
the only thing that helps me cope.
.
I let the embers of it seethe,
grip it tight and grit my teeth,
like a drowning man to a rope.
.
It whispers softly: "he'll return",
that flame doesn't cease to burn,
its heat is my heliotrope.
.