Don't break my heart
'Cause I only have one
I've spent a long time keeping it,
mended it from what you've done

Now you, another person
Have it fragile as it is
Please don't break it again
'Cause I'm not sure I'll be able to fix it again this time
I'm not sure I'll find all the pieces
What a shame
I know, but this time, I'll hold it on

Love, oh my love,
you left me defenseless;
no gods above,
no miracle on Christmas.
.
Memories of you
slip through my fingers:
they leave me too;
melancholy lingers.
The protective veil
I weaved from our past
threatens to fail,
flags at half-mast.
Transparent and frail
like a plastic bag;
a soundless wail,
a threadbare rag.
.
My anemic hope,
my castle of denial -
a thinning rope,
dusk to a sundial.
.
And there are days when I surface
- gasp for air and scour for land -
till the waves pull me in the blackness,
back to the despair I understand.
.
And you won't read this one,
this one will stay
at the bottom of an ocean,
out of your way.
.

Fight against time, I try to remember;
it slips away like fragments of a dream;
our every moment - a winter ember -
fades as I silently scream.
.
And sweet oblivion doesn't follow:
it leaves me feeling empty and cold;
Without those memories I am hollow,
need them to warm what's left of my soul.
.
I cling desperately to pieces and bits:
each shared laugh and each kiss,
and then even harder the truth hits:
you're gone and I'm alone in the abyss.
.
I stare at our photo for far too long,
wonder if I could have done more;
I hear you in every love song,
still need you in my very core.
.
I bought a perfume just like yours -
pathetic, I know, but it helps me sleep -
I hold your hoodie like a protective force,
to feel like somehow a piece of you I keep.
.
And I need you to know I want you to live,
to be as happy as you can be;
I wish you the best life can give,
even if it's without me.
.

I miss you
In the way lovers used to love
- Urgent, daring,
Desiring more than
Just touch.

Your lips whispered a curse
and brushed against mine.
Soft, like sparrows' wings,
inebriating as wine.
I know I am lost now,
wandering so many city streets
wondering if you'd find me here
and take me off bare feet.
I am calloused, I've become raw.
How can you, so far away
remember me at all?
The street lights are turning on now
it will soon be dark.
Tell me how
to live without a heart.

You ruin me
You make me smile
You break promises
You make me cry
A bird told me you are sorry
But when will I hear it from you?

same man who told me i would be his girl
ripped my heart out and slammed it onto the floor.
haunted by betrayal, it twists around my room
it sits upon my bed and it refuses to listen to you
or me.
same guilt pressed against my skin
my own friends lost so much sight of me.
i’m sorry.
he was accidental tears falling from my eyes
makeup worn to disguise
the melancholy deep within my soul.
same man who told me i would be the one to take home
told me to go.
stretched out on the beach,
nothing but the sky and sea
reaching towards a meaning you would never give to me.
somehow now it’s all my fault
i misread all your calls
i had mistaken your sudden advances for something meaningful.
you’re a narcissist, a crawling goblin,
a regretted kiss, your knife still sharpened
over my silk body, over my salty tears
over all these doubts
you couldn’t heal
carved a heart shape out of my chest
left in a dying mess
i bet you’re happy
knowing you hurt someone like me
for the hundredth time
do you ever learn?
before you hurt people like
me
who just want to be seen
by a man who tells us we’re beautiful?
does it burn you to see the fireworks sink from the sky
beside your bedside?
or do you never regret anything
never apologize when you’re mean
never have to take accountability
for your stupid actions.
you are the glass shards in my back
aching intensely
the extra teeth in my mouth just puncturing me
you are a brutish maniac, a life threatening heart attack
you are a dead man
run ahead, man.
same man who loved me for months
says he’s done
with this.
same man who betrayed me
still thinks he’s holy.
same man who broke my heart
still thinks he’s an injured part.
oh, you never knew me
but i must not have known you too well, either.

i wish i never liked women, there’s so much going against it anyway. i’m a coward. i hate myself. i hate myself for wanting to be selfish, while knowing in the same thought that i’m the most selfish woman in my life. but if being selfish means someday i could look into your eyes several sunrises in a row, it couldn’t possibly be that bad. to see the meadows of wheat surrounded by moss in your eyes makes art from here to infinity look like mud. i would untangle the thorniest bush i could find if it meant your heart was in the middle. i can already imagine my thumb brushing a smile onto your lips, my hand cupping your cheek, while the softest nothings are exchanged. the thought of you, and everything you come with moving into my life sounds like a dream. but it’s not one to come true. i don’t get to let myself get lost in your eyes, running through meadows. my head knows that, my heart strings still wail, i try to quiet them. give them a drink… or a few. but after the glass is empty they no longer have anything to occupy them. and they sing your name again