I hold you in songs and stories I narrate,
Turns out I was right all along.
We now know I did love you more.

We’ve had arguments before.
On who’s hurt who the most.
You’d say I did you,
And I’d yell “oh please”

You’d bring up the one time I slipped up,
And I’d hold onto the million times you let me down.
Your secrets mine, your scars mine.

Not that I was a better person, we were both kids after all.
And then I heard. you’ve been telling people.
Versions that don't exist.
What can I say,

I know we’ve had arguments before.
There will be no more.
I know it hurts, trust me,
I do.

However,
You did hurt me more.
And the price of it belongs to you.

And I’d rather walk away now,
Walk away and never come back
Irrespective of how much I miss you.
Irrespective of how it feels.
I’ll walk away, and never return.

Return to see how things could’ve been if I had stayed.

I hope in some time,
I would have moved on,
That you would replace me.

This is the way it is supposed to be.
This is the play we made to see.
It’s not our fault,
We were never meant to be.

People swerving in and out of my life
Like a drunk driver
These people are carwrecks
And there are no survivors
But I never thought I'd see you
Behind the wheel

Ive cried a tear for each person I have loved
I've planted seeds in a graveyard of memories
That I can only visit when I am brave enough
Because I never thought they'd leave-
There are still alive and breathing
No candles or flowers can relieve me
Because bits and peices
Are dead to me

With rose colored shades you placed on my face
I couldn't see the ugly colors beyond
The pretty,
And the pink
For the nights we howled at the moon
Went by too soon
And on the otherside of the shades
You never even saw me
I was a stepping stone,
A thing in between
Where you wanted to be
And you're not sorry

You are a ghost in my chest,
And its haunting
How quickly a bond thicker than blood
Can bleed out
When you've ripped up your own skin
Trying to find out
If our hearts would still go out to you

I was a stepping stone
I was the sign
Pointing to home
I was the journey,
Dropped off at the destination
And left all alone
I am still carrying your bags,
Its such a heavy load
You can have them back
Here you go

No wonder, it must be hard to think
With such a one track mind
You are not stupid,
Or blind
You have eyes
But you have never seen us
You took our love
And kept it,
Will always have it
But enough,
Is enough

Tough love

Goodbye

This is a product of my emotions
Messy as it is
Jumbled and in need to be released.

I’m saying goodbye,
To the past so beautiful and green,
To the darkness so bright and dull.

I’ve hidden myself for way too long,
Spent days running from the corners and hiding from my demons,
Accepting fate but not realizing it.

I’m saying goodbye.

As I write this my mind holds me back, it whispers to my heart that “It doesn’t hurt”
Yet my heart stares blankly, wondering “If it doesn’t hurt why am I so clouded with this pain, why do I want to fix us over and over again?”

It’s painful, having this need to fight
Having this gnawing feeling inside.

How does one say goodbye to someone they once loved?
Someone you would and still will do anything for them?
I’ve watched my hope wither with each second of empty promises, broken dreams and unfulfilling conversations.

I heard my heart shatter into pieces consistently from truths that I was hearing from third parties while you confidently orchestrated lies to me.
My mind warned me, sparks flew from then.
It told me that we were done but my heart refused, “This is all a misunderstanding”, “I’m not quite as open, I’m to blame”

Running on those words, I healed my heart with lies. But as flashbacks of when I teared my walls, showed you how defenseless I was as grief and mourning controlled me, was I not open enough?
Or was it too much that I was not worth the honesty?

I sensed my eyes ***** with tears as I noticed how much of a season I am to you.
It hurts, not as much as it should be and thanks goes to my mind.
“As long as you anticipate it. It won’t be that bad” it said.

There’s no fixing us,
There’s no being about this facade,
No matter how ‘happy’ I might have been.

But why,
Am I so hopeful that the lie you sputtered of fixing us will be turned to truth?

Why?
When my heart needs to understand that this is goodbye
Your silence and lack to reach out screams in agony of goodbye.
So why am I still hoping?

Those were the days
We saw each other each day
Things change, people change but pictures remain the same

All those little things you said
I think of them and they make me think
Is there a part of the story I misread?

Laying on my bed, all lights off
I look outside the window
See nothing but fog
Just like the weather, our relation seems hazy

I told you to love me
only if you can stay
only if you can learn to stand still and not drift away
Don't turn out to be like others
After all, people they come they go

I told you people always leave
You promised me you'd stay
Now there's no sign of you
I can't believe

I'm fragile that you know
Please tell me our love didn't outgrow
I'm only as weak as I am strong
Our friendship was supposed to last lifelong

Regardless of what you did
Just know that I love you oh
Maybe loving you was stupid
I'm dying inside but I'm putting up a show

We'd go to the gym, cook and eat together
We'd chill, we'd laugh, there was no pressure
Where did the good times go?
Now I look at your picture and just miss you so

Trying so hard to figure out
What went wrong,
My heart is filled with doubt
Asking myself why don't we hang out?
We really used to get along

So I say, come back and let's live again
Let's laugh until the end
Come back and let's start over
So much left to learn, so much to discover

So I say, come back cause I miss you
Life ain't the same without you
Let's stay up until 2 am
Cause you're the breath that I breathe from the bottom of my diaphragm

You play a song so calm,
To slow down your heart pace.
You try to cover up,
The sadness on your face.
The news that you just heard,
Although you already knew,
Has beaten you real hard
And caused something to brew.
Inside you feel like fire,
Like a smoking, bubbly pit.
It knocks you off your feet,
And causes you to sit.
You cannot answer how,
Or even question why,
But the first chance that they got,
They simply just said goodbye.
You play the song so calm,
To bring back who you are,
And remember that they're gone.
They're gone so very far.
And they never truly cared,
They never thought of you.
But these are facts you know..
It's just a harsh thing that they're true.