I hold you in songs and stories I narrate,
Turns out I was right all along.
We now know I did love you more.

We’ve had arguments before.
On who’s hurt who the most.
You’d say I did you,
And I’d yell “oh please”

You’d bring up the one time I slipped up,
And I’d hold onto the million times you let me down.
Your secrets mine, your scars mine.

Not that I was a better person, we were both kids after all.
And then I heard. you’ve been telling people.
Versions that don't exist.
What can I say,

I know we’ve had arguments before.
There will be no more.
I know it hurts, trust me,
I do.

However,
You did hurt me more.
And the price of it belongs to you.

And I’d rather walk away now,
Walk away and never come back
Irrespective of how much I miss you.
Irrespective of how it feels.
I’ll walk away, and never return.

Return to see how things could’ve been if I had stayed.

I hope in some time,
I would have moved on,
That you would replace me.

This is the way it is supposed to be.
This is the play we made to see.
It’s not our fault,
We were never meant to be.

smoke.

the smell of nicotine
rests on my black
graphic t-shirt.

the dwell of misery
rests on my back,
while music reverbs.

my black vans are
filthy with the weight
of pain.

a wallet,
filled with little notes.
writings from her
in my back pocket.

a very lonely bench awaits
my place as i sit and
try to out smoke
this familiar mental state.

i look out into the
water ahead, the creek’s
liquid mirror reflecting
her aura.

“oh god, not again.”

a sudden and sharp spike
of sadness runs through
me, a longing tear trails
my frozen cheeks.

then i remember him,
and how much i miss him.

i remember him calling out
for me along with mom,
and how harmoniously my
heart would pump gallons
upon gallons of hot burning
blood.

hot burning love.

i take another drag to mask
the molecules of reality
that i wish i wouldn’t have
to inhale.

i look up
at the aligning stars,
and by the grace
of the god i do not
believe in
do i tell you
that i let out a cry
so loud, that he himself must’ve
felt heaven shake.

with water flooding
my brown eyes, i
yelled and pleaded
whatever being
that could hear me
to end me, because

i tell you that
all this pain,

of missing certain people,
of longing for lost love,
of experiencing incompleteness,
of feeling so ******* unable to stand up,
of combatting the poison guilt is,

drags.

at my soul,
harder
than cigarette

smoke.

-melancholicreator