When you stopped touching me, did you think I would be needy for you?
When you said "its over" , did you think I would cry?
When you walked away, did you think I would crumble?
When you pushed past me with your new *****, did you think I would go crazy?

I did become needy, everyday wishing your ice cold glare would shoot my way just once.
I did cry, all night, wishing I would wake up and realise it was all just a dream.
I did crumble, I fell like a statue in an earth quake and you weren't there to piece me back together.
I did go crazy, but long before your *****... I went crazy the day I met you.

My sister's friend broke his back
when he wrecked his car.
The night of, I met her, coming in from work late,
she was fumbling across the gravel to her car in the dark,
murmured a few words,
when I asked her where she was going.
Mum told me someone had called.
I remembered
Dad meeting me in the kitchen
murmuring a few words,
Making a few phone calls, late.

The next day
I went with her.
Walking along all to familiar hospital halls.
I remembered playing Amazing Grace
as a woman died,
her friend's eyes, glass.
And the man who told me my
Catgut and horsehair
sounded like angel's singing.
I thought it sounded hollow,
empty, cold,
like the corridors.

The ICU hummed quietly with beeps and whispers.  
His mother thanked us for coming
she embraced us, pressing her soft body against our ribs.
He lay there honest, disheveled.
The morphine loosened his tongue.
He told my sister he loved her,
over and over again.
"Your sister is great. Don't you just love her? I love her."
he told me.
She held his hand, blushing.
I remembered your voice
on the other end of the phone line,
scattered, your tongue loose and
saying anything that fell into your mouth
half-formed thoughts
mis-pronounced words,
and a thousand impotent
"Don't worry"s.

He healed.
Left hospital after a few weeks.
My sister had to tell him
she didn't love him like that.
and he hated her for it.
You left a few weeks after,
said you loved to easily.
I couldn't hate you.
But I also couldn't love you
like that.

Sometimes neither of you are bad people
And he's not a ****
And everything was so beautiful
But it still
                has
                        to
                              end.
Because the pieces just don't fit quite right
And it feels like time
Even though there's not really much fighting
And he says he wants to be with you
For the rest of his life
Even though you'll miss his cuddles
And the silly jokes he makes
Even though he understand soo much other people don't
And he listens without excusing
Even though...
You'll miss him dearly.
Everything was so. ****. Beautiful.

Sometimes neither of you are *****
And things aren't even explosive
And no one has cheated
Sometimes... all the reasons for it to end
Are nice.
And calm.
And sad.
Sometimes that's just it.
No movie black and white contrast
No real drama here
Just real life calling at your doorstep
Saying
"Hey. You've learnt and grown and it's time
                           - it's some time."

Hi. Hey. What's up, how's it going?
Not much, nothing really, *** it's snowing!
You're so cute, we should meet soon.
Where? What time? I have a meet at noon.
I'll pick you up, I'll be there to cheer you on.
At my school, after my parents are gone.
I can't wait to see you, *** you're cute!
I have to sleep, be up early, phone on mute.

Hi. Hey. What are you doing?
Not much, laying down, just chilling.
I love you, I love you, I love you.
Um... I don't know what to say.
It's okay, takes time, sooner or later.
You sure? You know I'm a fierce debater.
***, I love you, you're super funny.
Thank you, let's go, it's kind of sunny.

Hi. Hey. I have something to tell you.
What is it? You okay? Got the flu?
No, last night, I'm sorry I told you a lie.
It's okay, I don't understand, tell me why?
I don't know, it felt right. By the way there's this guy.
It's okay, but this is a break, you didn't have a to tell a lie.
I miss you, please! I'm so sorry...
It's raining, I cant .. Do you hear your story?

Hi.
Hi. Hey. How was your day?
Good.
Wanna come over? I'm bored.
Busy.
Oh, well, I have something to tell you!
What?
I love you, I love you, I love you!

Oh...
Oh.

you always had a pull on me;
you were my moon,
and I, your tide

many moonless nights have passed since the moment you decided it was over
the waves cease to crash against the shore

stagnant

the vast, black ocean
waits for someone to wade in
swim around
and make her feel whole
again.

you are a beautiful garden
but sadly
i am only a bug

One day our paths will collide, again and I will be stable.
I will be tall with hair untouched, eyes wide and lips relaxed.
He will have a baby on his hip and 3 women holding his hand.
We will smile through tears and I will kiss his cheeks 4 times
to remember the weight of his lips and become dizzy.

But I will not stumble.

I will be a tree with shiny leaves and roots deep into the earth.
My branches will reach high into the sky

with Light to be the only lover I ever know.

I let my mind wonder for a while,
yet my thoughts always
come back
to you