I’m 19 years old
I’m ambidextrous
I hate bell peppers in my food
I still don’t have a driver’s license
And for as long as I can remember
I’ve had a fascination with hugs, Ginger Ale, and other people’s names
I believe there are only two people in the world:
Those who like spoken word
And liars
I’m not religious
My faith in God died before I could even figure out who He was
But in June 2019 I saw my nephew’s face for the first time and thanked whoever created humans that day
I go to a pretty standard college
Where thankfully my disabilities are taken seriously
And I don’t cry so much anymore
I know the best way to lawfully cheat to make your essays longer
Hint: the font size
But I don’t know the last names of any of the ladies who serve me food every day
I’m the transgender son of a man who still doesn’t want to believe it and would rather I be non-binary
The son of a woman who finds happiness in putting her children’s hopes and dreams down
I’m only 5’5”…on a really good day
But being built like a haiku in a poetry book is a lesson in finding ways to be seen as the tallest in the room
I don’t know what it means to be a man
And for a while, I thought dressing like a ******* could tell me
I’m still learning to unlearn the self-hatred inside me
Reminded every day that the ******* I have on my chest can be seen as male body parts if I had the humor to see it:
******* can be my misplaced ball-sack
I know that we all carry an addiction to property in our blood
I know that love cannot be owned in any way shape or form
Somedays, I am still the fourteen-year-old on the ground with my wrists pinned, being told to “shut the **** up” every time I see someone who looks like Him
I only watch two shows now but I know deep-down, iCarly and WOWP will always be the best **** Nickelodeon or Disney created
I know that the best actual company is not Disney or Pixar but DREAMWORKS
Because I like owning the fact that I am a male Yzma from The Emperor’s New Groove
I like being the first person in my life to go to a human rights march and actually WANT to be there
I was the tree that fell when no one else was looking and dared to make a sound
I am the Thanksgiving buffet that depression, anxiety, and an eating disorder tried to take apart piece by piece
I am living proof that those ******* didn’t know what they were getting themselves into
I am both survivor and boy
Every night, the sky opens its mouth and swallows the sun in a single gulp just to make room for the room
What a terrifying but amazing way to see our lives
To be so full of so much light but always hungry for more

Our tribe imagines war.
We weigh the cost in terms we agree mean
what we say.

The barking dogs always dis
agree,

we wannabe free, but the urge to howl, it's

spiritual.
Y' know, y'gotta howl,
it really, eh, that little ly on real-- gotta watch that
imagine
knowing real
some times, your left hand knows what your left brain
can't find a word for,

y'know, though, it feels like this, but real.

Coyotes teach us better error lessons than wolves.

We all laugh, wannabet. We won, been there...

Ode to the hand that's held.

Leaf blower suicide.
German going in & out.
The precious things.
Lay on back.
Looking up.
Doing only what is known.
Wondering what isn't.
Going side to side.
Talking.
Talking.
Talk the ride home.
We only went to Wyoming.



Garrett Johnson.

We can’t be friends anymore,
When you are in my mind,
All the time.
When I keep thinking about,
Your eyes and smile.
Thinking about,
The home we will never have,
And the kids we will never raise,
Do you think of me when,
The darkness closes in,
And the stars shine out.
Just give me a sign before my heart dies like the sun at night.

i don't know it's a show
i'm a **** and a macho
most liquid form of a nacho

and if you don't read that poem
it blackstreetly remains poem
no articles necessary
look: my curses vary ms. berry

ain't no curses necessary
but my necessities vary:
peeing loving being feeling
i'm a breed of dog and buddy
when you see me on the street; ermh

i can't beat the street it's nothing

indifference is requirement
i get never tired man
writing these poems:
20 a day
140 a week

come over stay and read
i just stopped to feed
writer's block
but it's cool dial
1-800-writers-mob

this stuff ain't fun
cause it's just a pun
this stuff ain't a pun
it's like purple in a raindrop

my first name is mainshock
last name will be morlock

have a good one baby
say hello to tizzop

My heart breaks in seventeen different directions.
The white realm between my eyes glares back at me
Initially, I think he’s trying to hurt me
Forcing me to stay
But then hope effervesces in 1 new direction
Up, out.
Stay and feel he says
You need to heal he says
He's just a mar stapled upon a pure surface
He's just blank and broken
Clean and vast and warm and open
And can’t I be this wall
And can’t I just be free
From all this pain that's hindering me
“Stay” he says
“You'll never be the same” he says
And so he holds me
Compelling me to stay in the most rugged of places
Shifting when its time for me to move forward
He wasn't trying to hurt me
He just wanted to help me
Relieve the scar I painted for myself
When I cast my burdens upon the shelf
And never bothered to look
Never bothered to feel
And chose to reject what was so devastatingly real
I’m enamored by this blank space
I’m mesmerized by my own old pain
I want to leave but I finally listen and stay
The white wall becomes me
We hold each other’s gaze
And we stay and feel and then move away
To a new pose where the false okayness
Is really okay.

like the space,
i am square
because i was
was not there.