The way I loved you was exhausting.
Throwing every fiber of my being in to loving you,
Only to hit a brick wall.
Your closed heart had me searching for doors,
Or maybe a window,
****, I would have been fine with a crawl space,
I could crawl through to get to you.
I was like a book to you,
One that you could never bring yourself to read
Past page three.
And you,
An entire novel I wanted,
First edition,
Signed Copy.

My apologies leave a dry throat with a sting
Another and another fall from a limp jaw
Another from pale lips
And again from bleeding wrists
My apologies are written in blood
And spilling from one last kiss
Soaking into your skin
Sinking through the surface
And my apologies burst from my skull  as the bullet shatters my bone
And regret splatters across the wall
Written in blood is nothing but
**"I'm sorry"

mornings ****. mornings are the worst thing in the entire world. i wake up every day far too aware of your absence in my bed, on the window side. You’d face the wall and let me cuddle up and touch your hair until you fell asleep, snoring. I ******* loved your snoring, and I don’t really understand why. You’d lie down for just a few moments, and then fall asleep mid-sentence, parts of you still awake. You could be snoring and still braiding my hair, or kissing my hands. Sometimes you’d fall asleep on an angle and your breathing would scare me so I’d wake you up just for a second to try and get you to face the right way, but you never remembered in the morning, so I figured you weren't too bothered. when i told you, you said that you wished i were as nice to you when you're awake as i am when you’re asleep.  I wake up wanting to hold you and want to call you and say “love, i’m so so so so so sorry. forget it, let’s try again. one more time,” but you always said I was awful at apologies. i probably am. i don’t know, i haven’t apologized to anyone in a while.

There are things I try to avoid
many things in fact
I try to avoid the creepy guy staring at me on the bus
I try to avoid my teachers outside of school
I try to avoid gum on the sidewalk
I try to avoid you sometimes
Sometimes to protect myself
Other times simply to do it
There are things I try to avoid
one of them is you
and I am sorry you have fallen into that category
but I am not sorry for the reason why

"i've never been this sad before,"
she cries, the tears burning her cheeks like acid
they say words can never hurt you
but she's never been so hurt in her life
she feels the sorrow overflowing in her brain
her lungs
her heart
the shattered glass lays on her floor
as she weeps underneath the sound of a running bath
knocks on the door pierce through the silence
apologies- which real or not- drift through one ear
and out the other
she doesn't want broken promises and meaningless apologies
she wants happiness

You don't have to love me
but I will not forgive you
because each and every morning's
another finger
in a bullet wound.
(b.r.o.)

Maybe...
I don't wanna say goodbye..
Maybe I want you in my life.
I want you to be there throughout my changes.
I'm truly sorry..
Can you ever forgive me?
Its okay if you don't..
I just want you to know..
I care.
And, I want you here..