I look inside your eyes
we're burning
we're vanishing
away
'don't touch me please'
oh please  
just don't
ever touch me
again
like you've touched
me
once
i can't stand this pain
you see?
i can't stand this anguish
in my
heart
in my eyes
so we burn &
we vanish
just over and
over again.

This palpable air is an organism.
Each movement penetrates its wraith-like flesh.
Each step is a dagger into its still breast.
It weeps and bleeds. Beaten daily,
It is wont to anguish.
Weeping hourly, slowly it shall perish.
Each minute chimes its piercing toll.
Soft and dreary shall each minute roll.
From these whetted hooks shall it hang.
And from your hands shall come the pangs.
Wet and weary, cold and heavy shalt thou wake
To find the dripping body that thou did forsake.

On a lonely night
when my moon
refused to show her face,
even after pleading
till my heart broke,
in to pieces of gold
and diamonds,
dedicated to her
all covered with love
dripping like drops of blood,
darkness forced me
to confess the love crimes
I never did commit
I thought it will set everything right
but in vein....

Wolves howled with
a mad glee to make me
nervous thinking that
you'll be frightened,
the owl, in silence
pretended to be all knowing
but not a wee bit
about the gravity of our love
registered in his mind,
hooted again and again
"She doesn't love you"
in a  voice reeking vengeance.

My love, I never thought
of a cup hemlock, a bodkin
or a flight to darkness
from the hill, we used to sit
heart beating against heart
when
          you
                  gave
                             me
the portion of your love
for the first time from your
trembling lips....................
I am enscorned in you
you are in my veins
immortal I am
I'll meet you in your abode,
even if you fail to keep your word
and don't turn up in our rendezvous.

the jasmine bush, whose
fragrant buds just bloomed
took me in her ***** and
wrapped me with her scent
of love, what a solace!

"Your love is immortal
never grieve, your true love,
never would perish, it would
stand the tests, however tough
she is always yours, you are hers
in this life and lives to come"

I slept like kid under the jasmine bush
like a kid in his mother's bed
she covered me with her tears
of falling flowers, till dawn appeared,
at last I saw my beloved in my dreams.

The drive
From Orange County to Los Angeles
Had never been so long.

Broken wipers
Black drugs
Psychotic episodes
Wet roads
And

“This is it.”
(I thought)
“I’m going to die this way.”

High
Too thin
Frightened
And
Without a Home

He continues to speed North
Trying to get his emotions to go South
And I’m frozen in the passenger seat

I smell of dirt
***
And blood

Spiraling into the abyss
I tried to remember his eyes
Inside the elevator

I stared his way,
But only the drugs gawked back

I prayed to a God I’d never seen
Begging to be saved from
My own decisions.

The demons pounded on the van
Some more
They weren’t going to rest
Tonight.

Tonight
We were dressed in black
The van shrouded in it
Tonight
We belonged to them

“This is it”

I inhaled the fumes

And surrendered.

There is a fine line between love and hate

I walk that line with you

Hand in hand, looking into your glass eyes.

Eyes so blue...eyes so cold

Hands that are warm but not kind

A heart much too cruel

A mind blinded by a false truth...

A soul..your soul...is left to wander in anguish.

Along its way, it scatters the foolish to a sunder.

No sound of desperate despair from their quavering lips..

But tear drops never the less.

I was sold to pain
in a slave market
that  didn't  look like one,
auctioned by a civilized crowd
of people just like you and me
in everyday life,
posing as my comrades, acolytes or lovers.
I stood firm on my ground
unrelenting even in pain's intimidation
and said, what  Valmiki
                 the first poet found,
        "Grief gushes out in verse"
                                 and I sing
                                        alone.

How can you feel that you are being loved?
Is it with tears on your pillow every night?
Or is it with screaming bad dreams out of light?
Maybe when you felt an ache just like a stab in the middle of your heart.

How can I feel that I was being loved?
Was it during those times that I felt betrayed?
Was it whenever I felt lonely and alone?
Or maybe when I feel being ignored and taken for granted all along.

If all of those strange feelings we're called love,
If all of those anguish feelings considered as love,
If all of those hurtful things I endured was being loved,
Then I would refused to be loved, I would resist to be loved.

a green leaf in the swirl,
        as the maelstrom ***** in
stands tail up in anguish, for a moment
         then goes without a trace

A sad whimpering wind,
came travelling great distances
bringing her wistful sighs
and solitary pain of her heart,
broken in to many pieces,
but somehow still held together;
repeatedly bangs at his closed
window panes and wait for a response
then desperately sobs aloud,
on finding it wouldn't open
even after such desperate
expression of anguish
on behalf of a love once was
a bloom of rare red hibiscus
it's color  would never fade, it seemed.


But who would understand
his sad predicament, still unnamed!
hiding in a dark corner,
not to let the messenger
know his pathetic condition,
flames leap up from his heart
lighted by his lost love,
none could ever put it out.

They parted ways to never
again come back
both know there is no life
for each without the other,
still couldn't avoid this fall
breaking a golden dream,
and lots of promises of beauty;
their budding garden went barren
for ever, why why they don't see?

How am I to take care of you,
Take care of us,
When you live life in such a rush.

I can't fix myself and your addiction,
It just adds on to my affliction.
And I'm the only one who cares.
The only one who stares
Truth in the face.
I'm done putting your desires in place.

Tonight you looked me in the eye,
And told me to accept some lie,
To listen to your sad escape,
And expect me to accept this fate.
I am dying in your sad attempt
To forget your weakness and leave you exempt,
From consequence.
And I'm expected to love you.
Expected to just trudge through
This mess.

I'm so angry I could just explode,
Concern myself with how you erode
And let yourself burst up into flame.
While I stand still alone to blame.
This is why I cannot leave,
Alone and lost, left to believe
This garbage you call love and honesty.

In death I find my truth and peace,
I can't erase this life I lease.
But I'm **** near cause and effect,
This cause your pain, deflect
The rest.
I would but nought to die before
This life you let fly and to soar,
To my defeat and this weak roar.
I'll **** myself to flee the poor
And sick excuse you call a lie,
Into those clouds I wish to fly.

You're selfish.
My anguish.

I'd bring to death those you call trust
And sacrifice this pathetic lust.
In the corner of the bathroom stall,
Fighting this fight against your brick wall.
You told me to accept who you are,
But this young man is far too far
From who I once loved and believed.
I'm done being beaten and deceived.

I would **** for you.
This truth may be the only brew
I'll let you have again.