I pray for my younger days to be filled with adventure,
for my mind to be vast and generous
without any preconceptions or prejudice

I wish that some day my written words can stir
a non-believer,
a person who does not yet know
that poetry can change a person

I hope I will raise a family and in my own way
rectify the mistakes of my parents
but pass on the values they taught me

I hope to stray from anyone whose ideals I do not believe in,
I will be quiet when I'm correct
and I'll be silent when I'm wrong

I want to follow my gut instinct
the hollow feeling in my belly
that is there for a reason

I pray to be naive but vigilant

I pray to never be satisfied,
but to always be content.

broken promises and chapped lips,
taste of rebellion and tears shed from missing home.
when I think back on the 20th year of my life all of these things and more come to mind.
what a year it has been, I can barely recognize myself when I first turned 20.
how was I to know this year would take me on such a crazy ride marked by a few major things.
first off-the dingy carnival lights that glistened in his deceiving blue eyes.
lesson learned: people will say and do anything for certain things that most certainly aren't in your best interest.
secondly- the harsh realization of what it really feels like to be all alone (independence is hard)
lesson learned: you never are truly all alone; even if physically nobody else is around, loved ones are only a call/text away to cure the feeling.
thirdly- it's hard sometimes, real real hard to love yourself when you feel as though people from your past have suggested that you're essentially impossible to like, let alone love.
lesson learned: when you are unsure of your own worth your heart often stumbles into the wrong hands which isn't your fault BUT with the right amount of self love- your heart will not fall or stumble but will be placed in the right hands. (I promise)
and lastly-
I learned that life stops for nobody.
It's ok to dance like a complete fool and if people judge, then cool.
we aren't going to be around forever
and essentially people's opinions
are little blips of information that
mean nothing.
i'm sure I'll forget this advice a few times once I turn 21 and onward,
which is why I've written this poem.

(Happy 21st to me- stay strong)

today my mother said i should get married and i can think of a thousand other things i'd do before I became somebodies wife

also, **** patriarchy and capitalism and all my ex's and my last best friend and my father and my depression

August is the twilight of summertime
the nagging sensation of things coming to a close
tugs from the collar of your shirt, downwards
until it lifts itself up with your shoulders
wrapping its arms around your neck

Everytime we makes moves
There always a critic to prove
Keep us down we violate
My peeps can even create
Our own money militia and business
Instead we recreate
More problems
Its too **** deep to resolve em
Wish i wasnt born in the first place
Eradicate my race
Cuz i gotta brown face
So i gotta slow pace
And jealousy aint never leavin' this place
Earth is hell hell is on earth
Why you think women give pain at birth?
Cuz the sin is brought in
Unconscious to conscious
Being hypnotize by the societies eyes
Learn the game and get wise
Kick the wickedness good bye
Enticing adversaries they die
In vain through much pang
No sympathy from me
**** the haterd police and the grand jury
The courts is mad
Since we got emancipated from slavery
50 years later we still aint free?
Fools singing same ol
***** hymns
Aint going no where
We shall overcome
By dumpin' rounds in the heart of city
Make all them politics feel ******
Since i ****** all the milk
Out my mothers tittie
I gain knowledge from being fed healthy
Stealthy
We my moves we aint playin' no more
Knows it's time to even the score
**** peace we want war
And let this dumb muthaphukkas have it
We aint takin no more! !!!!!!

Me and my buddies, just gettin high. Sitting on a roof top. In the middle of the night. Staring at the stars, not a cloud in the sky. And I'll tell ya how it all happened, if you got the time.

My friend Alex, turning 21. Me and 2 others out on the run. We fought like hell to earn this night, not a minute was wasted, we didn't have the time. I kept us driving thru that ol country side, til we saw  the glow of that ol familiar light. We stopped at one place, stepped inside, place was dead. So we did decide to stroll on down, give another one a try.
**** we were ready, clean shoes sharp clothes. Opened up the door, she said, I'm sorry, we're closed.....
****.
I said hey I know a place you guys, follow me, it's right around the side. We heard jazz music as we hit the door, we grabbed a pool table for just us 4. We settled in the music, feeling the groove...then she walks in, not a one of us could move. She had long blonde hair in a bandana, looking like a hippie angel, banana-rama! Every one of us wanted be by her side, but she sat next to me and simply said "hi". I almost **** my self, I wanted to cry. But I choke it all down, and simply replied, my name is Alan, may I say "that you are fine?". She said hey I'm Whitney, and this is Josh, but the weren't together, Oh. My. Gosh.
They all got to drinking, all except me, I was drunk off of her, wiggly in the knees. We all kept talking, between 2 pool tables, a stranger walked up and said, if you're able,
I got place to party, so let's blow this place, we all agreed, he seemed fairly sane.
He lived around the corner not too far, so we all walked, no need for the car. Whitney just walking, we're all just watching, all of us wanting her, to call us Big Poppa.
The stranger we met, come to find, had one hell of place for a hell of a good time! We walked in, a place meant for a dude, then he said "HEY! I got a window to the roof!"
Now, naturally, we all complied, said hell yea man! move aside. We climbed out that window, into a new world, we all sat down, me next to the girl. We packed a few bowls, and passed em around, getting a bird eye view on this busy town. We felt so high, everything seemed right, wishing we could sit there for just one more night. Old friends and new, under a blanket of stars, we saw a new world without going too far.
We all sat and talked as the hours flew by, jamming Van Morrison as day met the night. I didn't want to leave, here by her side, but it was time to go, so we said our goodbyes. We crossed back over thru that ol countryside, we all just smiled at our adventure that night. A million other things we could've done, but none meant more than the four on the run.

I am the black sludge poured into morning mouths
The thickening blood like mucus oozing from the nose,
the failed vandal on the doorstep wringing
I felt this ick coming before, like bricks in the bell tower… Grimacing
I am the shifting surface of your beach front property
The wax of mudslide and sleep of glacier drift wiped away
You once tried to save me…,
But you should have saved yourselfrightchoseless… Sickening
I am the quite traveler giving ride to whomever
Provider of spectacles no testicales can compare
Hope you are ready for the next one cause my revolution’s in the air
Get the Mayans and the Call Lenders Cause I’m the blender you’re the pear!


Your thoughts fickled mine things
My water of youth your cesspool for fuel
The conduit of my poles peeled for golden rings
Have the nerve to say I’m not self-sustaining
Uninhabitable!   I’ve been more than hospitable!
What a virus that makes it self service unsuitable
To favor ill behavior for the sake of a savior
Your heads may bow to the east
But your *** still ***** none the least
Time after time provide I with a bountiful feast
So you Land on my Lover to satisfy your lust
Hover her then leave her collecting trophies, Moon Dust!?
Even the God of War has been fondled by your touch
They whisper, Oh how they want to flee me
They satellite and bend the light
And fore tell of my death
Well, Be Gone! And leave your clothes behind!
That flesh, My skin of desert and shore sand given.
The enchanted threads for your living experience
Be Gone! And don’t bother with packing up and cleaning
There will be no interrogation no exile from Eden

I’ll burn this wicked garden to the ground
Arrange my poles, and swish waters to cool it down
They are white clouds in my blackened blue atmosphere
Casting shadows on the crusted earth of my flesh
I frown a deep sound like bass clef
Their tall tale torn apart
The last vault too big to fail now broken Bonaparte
My molten core resurrecting to the surface
I smoke out for every hemp plant chopped and burned in vain
I offer fruit for Gods and you look pone it with distain  
These Human parasites stuck to my feet!
One whim of solar wind should cure me of their feverous heat


Ignore the Calendar your end will be what I vendor
NO refunds or replays back to binary Control Alt Delete’
You say the past will repeat yet look in a mirror, tongue and cheek
What is it that you seek? Have you forgotten My rule?
What you sew into me is what you reap
I’ve soaked in seeds of blood and tears now its harvest thyme to weep