Yesterday you were what a kiss has always been,
A promise that means what a ring has meant.
To belong and find belonging in another's being,
To love solely and sold out but never spent.

Like a seed reaches for the sun and earth,
And yet is never stretched but grows from the reaching.
And in touching both sky and stone finds worth
Tangible and intangible, and branches like fingers budding.

Flowers like rings,
Limbs like fingers,
Fruity things,
Whose sweetness lingers.

Soft to touch, sweet to taste of sunshine grown.
This is what a kiss is, the loved are never alone.

We always walk through rain trying to get under something to avoid getting wet.
We do this in life also.
We rush along, holding things over our heads, and try and take cover.
We never bother to stop and actually take in what's happening around us;
We're too busy trying to not get wet.
We never stop and understand what is actually happening and say:
"What a wonderful combination of hydrogen and oxygen molecules falling from the sky!" Or
"How amazing is it that my skin repels the water?"
Instead we curse the rain, and call it ridiculous.
But every once in a while, sharp darts of
reality will come and slap you in the face,
Reminding you of the season,
And how you're way too early for your next class,
Or that you need to be somewhere in 5 minutes and you're 20 minutes away,
Or that he stopped loving you after a while.
We try to avoid such thoughts because we know reality is painful,
Just like fall rain on warm skin.
We can try to avoid reality for the rest of our lives, and never accomplish a thing,
Or we can come to terms with the fact that if we step outside we will get wet,
Allowing reality to soak into our coats,
Making us cold for the rest of the evening.

And I'll admit I don't really like the rain,
Despite the beauty of it that people speak about.
I don't find it all that great.
I've been lying and trying to understand it's warmth and
Embrace the cold droplets that somehow singe my frail skin,
But whenever the world cries I can't help but feel sad.

Must we all lie and claim that these tears bring joy?
Because when I see her cry I don't smile and call her amazing.
I feel myself cry a little, too
And realize that she is in fact beautiful.

With this I realize we live in a world of lies.
We lie about our feelings,
Our experiences,
Our tastes,
Our professions.
We lie about religion,
And expressions,
Knowledge,
And passions.
But sadly enough we lie to ourselves about these things and give ourselves headaches,
And look outside just to see we're not the only thing crying.

I love the way you kiss me,
As your frigid hands caress my *******,
I yearn for your nakedness to be closely nestled.
Your voice is raspy and deep, yet calming and smooth;
"Let your guard down, I want to see all of you."
Honestly, I felt weak in my knees, hearing the truth.
The delicacy of your lips pressed against my body,
Makes me able to barely whisper, "I'm ready, baby."
Unzipping my jeans,
I hear them drop to the floor.
I can feel my airways grow tight,
While I'm spread open.
I need you to stay overnight.

The tiniest detail about you she will never forget, and I doubt in a year you'll remember her name.
She will soon enough become another pair of lips you kissed twice while drunk in what seemed like love but was actually urge.
She will be the junior you had a crush on for what seemed like forever, only to find out she wasn't worth a title.
It began to hurt the minute you whispered for her to stay, your breath smelt like ***** she should've known better than to believe in a drunken thought. But then weeks went by and he stayed, and for then it was enough. Except it wasn't, she began fading into him, she ignored his obvious lack of interest towards her.
She was so blinded by a desire to try and make it work that she missed all of the departure signs.
And things were never comfortable between them two, you should've known, it always felt as if he was following someone else's instructions about what to say on the first date and how to hold her hand, it was as if these simple gestures were over-rehearsed. Too mechanical. But she'd let that pass because she was happy.
Because she really wanted it work.
I suppose it is no surprise it ended just the way it started. Us making out completely wasted with no idea of what was actually going on or what was going to happen the next day, without a clue of the day or the month.
Nothing mattered but us, whether you were asking me out or breaking up with me. It was all about us. Everything else just kind of blended into a blurry landscape, was that not good enough for you?

And I'm utterly sorry darling, I know you wanted it to work, I know you poured your soul and thoughts, I know you tried. You gave your best. But let me tell you it wasn't enough, your best was never enough, you were never enough to make him stay. He may think he left because of his own choice, but it was all you. You should've been better.
Silly me, for a moment there I actually thought this time you'd stay.

//////
Still is that a proper way to leave?

Today has been an accomplishment.
Eight months ago, I decided to stop giving myself the ultimate punishment.
Self harming was my escape,
The blade had such a perfect shape.
I loved the way the blood dripped,
It used to just go across my skin; becoming an addict.
I've overcome so much in a short amount of time,
The mountain is so steep; this is such a hard climb.
I'm becoming someone I love,
At least I have a greater plan from Him above.

Someone once told me that you'd wash away my sins,
Take away the pain and make me feel good about the skin I'm in.
So if you can here me honestly I don't know how
Or why I'm even worth it, which is why I'm writing this now
Can you hold me? can you love me which has no worth here?
Can you take away my pain?
Can you turn away my rain?
please I know I've been weak and flawed
I know I've kicked scratched and clawed
for the wrong things in life, and in love just to find some sense of power


But I was wondering, Lord, can you hold me now?

///

when I think you haven’t recalled me
and you are wondering to flee
I have discovered myself alone

the evening star is moving under the dark
and the road seems like arc
the time goes underneath the memory hark

I move with the wrong
and my guitar is longing too long
the birds are singing so melancholy song

I don’t know then
why I feel you very
feel you very

when I am coming back to home
and you are running to roam
I have discovered myself again alone

my dreams are floating in bubbles
and I feel you are in so many troubles
dry leaves are falling on the floor

I am walking alone on the shore
and hearing your voice into my core
love moves with so many more

I don’t know then
why I feel you very
Feel you very-

///
@Musfiq us shaleheen