you say  
love never
pried
so much

i say
love never
knew you
enough

Please don’t call me beautiful
when your hands are between my legs,
and god forbid you say it as a seg-way
between you’re so hot
and my caution, your response
you’re sure you don’t want to?
I’m pretty sure the way my body looks,
nineteen and stress-infused with an Oreo belly
isn’t really what you pictured beneath my blouse,
and I’m positive you didn’t listen
to the story about my dad and the bad prom dress
because you cared. It was just sentiment. You said it was beautiful,
but really you wanted me to believe the act
like a description in the Playbill
and ride that trust all the way until the curtain dropped.
Please don’t call me beautiful
when the word ******* is before it
or if we are ******* because making love
is for married couples and you don’t even want me
sticking around for the ****** sunrise that peers
underneath your shade every morning.

Tell me I’m beautiful when I’m crying—
crack me open and watch the colors bleed
like a painting that hasn’t dried. Admire
the light that peaks through the clear parts
like a windowpane, no blinds.
Tell me I’m beautiful when I’m laughing,
when I’m reading my favorite part of a book,
when I’m stuffing my face with peanut-butter
pretzel bites and I haven’t washed my sheets in weeks,
and I’ll know you can’t be lying
because I’ve listened to the waves your heart makes
when you’re sleeping and I’ve called your smile
to the surface many times when you’ve tried
to deflect it back inside. You’ll know that
and you’ll know I’m beautiful.  
Call me beautiful
when you’re not even trying.
Call me beautiful when you’re by yourself
and the smell of my hair is still on your pillow,
or the memory of how dumb I sounded
singing my favorite song breaks your heart back
to the best little pieces.

I’ve been wrestling this since last fall,
peeling my socks off around 2a.m.
and crawling into my nightmares
like a child on her hands and knees.
I’ve tossed my hair in the towel,
examined the scratches on my back
or the bite mark on my shoulder,
juxtaposing them to my flaws,
prying myself open and watching
the little memories flood
from my arteries like insects.
I’ve ******

the energy from my cheeks and given it
to my bones so they may carry
the weight of last year into this year,
the heavy balance between leaving your room
and sitting myself against the frame,
legs to my chest, listening to the unheard voices
telling me to stop loving you.
I’ve cut

you out like bruises on a strawberry,
throwing the bad parts into the black hole
to be grinded and deposited as to be rightfully
grown into something new. But this time,

after we made love on your floor
and counted the stars that left my mouth
every time you touched me like that,

I let myself cling to the light.
I stuffed the empty parts with your remnants,
and latched onto the goodbye kiss.
I’ve been wrestling with you

our bodies so close

since the summer ended and we rejoined
the feelings we spared just to pretend
that we didn’t hear the kettle roar
when we were finished.

I've never felt this,
It feels like true bliss.
My heart changes its beat,
dub-lub, lub-dub, dub-lub.
Every time you make a glance,
I grow cold, almost still in my stance.
That smile,
I bet you I could see it for a hundred miles.
I yearn for the warmth of your embrace.
dub-lub, lub-dub, dub-lub.
I've never wanted someone so desperately,
You make me feel like a kid.
Do you see what you did?
I wonder how it would be,
If you were here with me.
dub-lub, lub-dub, dub-lub.
I imagine us jamming to the station,
It's obvious which one is your favorite; the rock nation.
You with your hand on my leg,
I can feel my heart racing once again.
dub-lub, lub-dub, dub-lub.
Please forgive me,
But I think I'm falling head over heels.
Maybe because you make me feel at ease,
Maybe because the way you make me feel is natural like the summer breeze.
*dub-lub, lub-dub, dub-lub.

My lungs are collapsing,
My breath is growing short,
My mind is relapsing.

My feelings are caving in,
My heart is beating slow,
My face is craving for your skin.

My eyes are fixated on  your lips,
My hand wanting to be intertwined with yours,
My body longs for you to caress my hips.

My nose loves the smell of your cologne,
My ears can't help but hear a ringing in the distance,
My mouth hates the way you say "I'm sorry to leave you alone".

In my school,
     is where her aptitude
     was viewed
     in grades,
     and girls in heels,
     leered in contempt,
     and even attempt
     to fake a smile
     in her direction.

In my home,
     is where her heart isn't,
     where her own mother,
     never forgets
     to mind her own mess
     and never asked
     her reasons why
     and fakes a smile
     in her direction.

In my room,
     is where a girl,
     sits in front her mirror
     who left this note
     on the floor,
     as she took too many pills,
     finally peace fulfills,
     and fakes a smile
     in my direction.

"I was happy, when sadness gently walked into the room and served me the most brutal slap that my feelings ever tasted."

KD || Sadness