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Oct 2021 · 229
To Jess
Ysabel Oct 2021
Thank you for breaking my heart,
Because of that I learned that I’m capable of feeling and giving love.
Thank you for choosing to leave,
Because of that I learned that I get myself attached to someone too soon.
Thank you for keeping the distance,
Because of that I learned to treasure my personal time.
Thank you for not loving me,
Because of that I know that someday, someone will love me and be sure of me.
For now I will continue to put up my wall and guard my heart.
Thank you for the memories.
Thank you
Sep 2021 · 117
Letter to Jes part 3
Ysabel Sep 2021
Hi, love!
It's been more than a week since you stopped talking to me.
I still miss you and still asks the "what ifs,"
but don't worry I know I'll get over you soon.

Last night I cried again because I came across your picture on my phone.
That was the night we head out for dinner and had a great time.
However, these memories will just remain as happy memories
because I know that you already made up your mind and nothing can change it.
I just hope we had time to properly talk for the last time.

Yet I know that having no closure is the closure
Since we are just dating each other and it's only me who fell in love.
From now on, baby, I will forget you as fast as I can.
I will no longer cry whenever I hear the songs you used to sing or remember things we did together.
I will no longer whisper your name in my dreams and write poems for you.
and I will no longer look for your face whenever I'm outside.

Thank you for being my first love, baby.
Thank you for breaking my heart.
My last letter to you
Sep 2021 · 122
Letter to Jes part 2
Ysabel Sep 2021
Hi! How are you?
I see that you're online.
What are you up to these days?
I hope you are not stressed up with your work.
I still dream about you, about us.
Giving each other tenders kisses and tight hugs.
I miss you every single day that pass.
Do you miss me too?
Or you really forgot about me?
How can you be so okay that I'm finally gone?
How can you be so okay that I'm hurting?
How can you be so okay when I'm not?
I miss you.
I really do.
You are the first man I've ever learned to love,
the first one I've ever kissed that hard,
and the first one that I risked everything just to be by your side.
I miss you.
I really hope that I won't miss you anymore.
Aug 2021 · 110
Letter to Jes
Ysabel Aug 2021
Goodbye my almost lover
Thank you for making me feel special in your peculiar way.
Thank you for the memories that I will cherish until I finally moved on from you.
Thank you for opening my eyes that there’s a future for me and I don’t need to sulk in a corner.
Thank you for giving complications in my life that help me forget my demons even just for a while.
Yet let me write about you for a while
Until this pain inside me subsides
Jul 2021 · 142
Please come back
Ysabel Jul 2021
I don’t know when did this start
that i long my old self:
the cheerful and optimistic;
the kind and always eager;
the girl who knows what she wants;
the girl who knows how to write;
because every time I stare at the mirror
all I can see is a failure.
Mar 2021 · 104
Swab Test
Ysabel Mar 2021
You came out of nowhere
but you emerged as a rising star,
now everyone is relying on you
to detect the unknown virus,

a lot have been saved because of you
a lot have lost their hope because of you
tho it's not your fault totally
but you scare the hell out of me.

I hate to see you again this Wednesday,
I hate to feel the agony of waiting for the result.
I hate to overthink that I might have brought the virus home and shared it with my loved ones.
I hate this pandemic. I hate COVID-19!
Dec 2020 · 109
Hard Rock Cafe
Ysabel Dec 2020
They say all is fair in love, but when I remember you I can’t help but feel pain.

Pain knowing that you’re not mine to lose.
Pain knowing that what we have was just a friendship and nothing else.
Pain knowing that no matter how hard I pray to make this work, we will never be.

And today, I hope that whatever emotions I’m feeling right now, I’ll be at peace knowing that I will no longer know this pain.
Dec 2020 · 65
Tragedy in despair
Ysabel Dec 2020
Why do my heart flutters when I see you?
Why do my heart beats fast when I hear your voice?
Why do I have this feeling that you’re bad for me, a disaster in the making, a broken heart that can’t recover yet I don’t know exactly what we are?

Friends?
Colleagues?
In denial-lovers?
Or none at all?

Because to be honest, I don’t want to overthink but I can’t help it. Your actions is quite difficult to comprehend.

But if writing my feelings about you would help me move on from you, then let the words inside me flow out until I cannot write anymore.
Jun 2020 · 30
To you
Ysabel Jun 2020
Hey, how are you?
I’ve noticed that you are not yourself lately.
You always stay up too late but wakes up too early.
You acts tough when you’re at your office, but so broken when you’re alone.

Hey, need a friend?
You know that you can count on me.
Haven’t I prove my loyalty to you?
That no matter what I learned from you, no one will know unless you let me to.

Hey, don’t be too harsh to yourself.
Remember that it’s not always your fault.
Some people just want to power play and bully others.
As long as you don’t do bad, be at peace.

Smile more often.
I haven’t seen your genuine smile in a while.
Take risk and fall in love too.
Life is indeed not full of rainbows and butterflies,
So be with someone who cares for you.

Be strong and keep going.
Jun 2020 · 54
Therapy
Ysabel Jun 2020
The moment I stopped writing
I knew that my life is about to change.
The words inside me that are flowing,
Has started to dry out,
Made me feel alone, left out.

Two years since I left this site,
My mind has gone haywire.
The words I used to meet,
Now seems like it doesn’t exist.

Writing has been therapeutic for me,
It just sad that it’s too late now for me,
To recover from this depression and anxiety,
Despite of hundred talks from the therapy.
Jan 2019 · 306
Leader’s wage
Ysabel Jan 2019
You’ll seat in your chair feeling all their eerie disappointments, high expectations and endless rants.
You’ll see them laughing and having fun at your wide window.
You’ll hear them talking about you, other people, the office.
You’ll begin to feel small, dizzy and worthless.
You’ll beg the wall not to squeeze you hard because you cannot breathe anymore.
You’ll beg your laptop not to scream memories and endless list of failures that he witnessed.
You’ll beg your mind to stop reminding you of your faults, of your wrong decisions.
But a knock on the door will save you. A small talk from the people who laughs at you will make you calm.
You’ll act nothing is happening.
You’ll act as if you do not care
Then you’ll repeat this until you cannot breathe... at last
It’s hard to manage an office at a young age :(
Dec 2018 · 236
Lost
Ysabel Dec 2018
Im so lost that I barely know myself.
My work ate my existence and their words made me lost my motivation to live.
If ever I could no longer keep this emptiness, please know that I did my very best to fight it but Im sorry I failed.
Believe me that I love my life and Im enjoying it but it feels like Im too overwhelmed and exhausted now.
Humans are so cruel that all you need is to cry yourself everyday
Oct 2018 · 219
Apology letter
Ysabel Oct 2018
Dear God,
forgive me if I told you not today.

When the rope inside my cabinet suddenly fall
and my brain cells start screaming to try it on.

When I saw a car driving at 120kph
and my feet itches to stop it.

When I saw my brother's sleeping pills
and my throat yells to swallow it all.

Or when my eyebrow shaver waves at me
and my wrists want to be written at.

Forgive me if I told you not today.

When I saw my niece smiling at me
and I suddenly want to witness how she grows.

When I saw the sun shines the sky even in light of the storm.

When I feel so down but people start cheering me on.

Maybe 2 weeks from now.
I can finally agree.
But maybe not.
Ysabel Oct 2018
I had another breakdown today.
I was walking in our street, the sun is out and the sky is beautiful, but it didn't stop my tears from flowing,
telling me that no matter how strong I thought I am is, I still need to step back and breathe.

I wiped my face after two, three tears fell, because my 3-year-old nephew was so happy waving his tiny hand as I pass by.
I smiled and asked God to keep me sane... even just for today.

I went to work feeling down and hotheaded. It feels like my colleagues don't want to do their tasks. I hate myself for a minute in accepting this job, but then I remembered those who don't have any on their table. 'I'm still blessed,' I said.

Then a minute ago, Mom called me up, asking me if I'm fine. And I said 'Yes.' because I don't want her to worry. I don't want her to see that I'm slowly dying because of my job. That at night I cry myself to sleep, thinking all the belittles and anger and curses that my boss throws at me. Hoping that tomorrow, if I'm still breathing
I will walk in our street
the sun is out and the sky is beautiful,
Oct 2018 · 298
Lost girl
Ysabel Oct 2018
I don’t know what to do anymore
I keep on making decisions, I don’t know if it’s worthy
I want to cross the road and feel the pain caused by the car
I want to inflict pain that I wanted for so long
I want to be gone
But I can’t
Because I have work
I have responsibilities
I have obligations
That I need to do
I need to fulfill.
I hate wandering around and feeling lost and empty
I hate this feeling
I hate myself
Jun 2018 · 154
I killed the mockingbird
Ysabel Jun 2018
Its not the first time I did it,
Nor the last that I plan,
For there is something good about it,
something refreshing.

It was still dawn when I found her
slightly sleepy yet alert.
I think she knew what was bound to happen,
yet I pray that she don´t.

I slowly focus my 9mm,
a little low from her bowed head.
Her eyes flickered a little when I sighed and pulled the trigger.

I hit her!
I hit her hard!
She fell from the branch she was sitting,
her body now lying on the ground.

When I was about to pick her up,
I was caught frozen at my place.
A chain was pulling me back,
holding me hard that I can´t breathe.

'Stop the stupid storytelling,´ a man said.
'Stop believing that you can make a change.´

The woods turned to walls,
The ground turned to cold granite floors,

And her I am again
lying on the floor,
staring at the broken mirror,
remembering each my unfortunate luck,
while the dead mockingbird stares back.
May 2018 · 248
Distress
Ysabel May 2018
Sometimes I wish I'm a different person,
Sometimes I wish I could easily be in a relationship,
Sometimes I wish I could be normal,
Because I'm tired now of being the person they want me to be.
I'm tired of bridging things just to save everybody.
I'm tired of being the strong one when in fact I need someone whom I can hug, kiss, and cry my burdens to.
I'm freaking tired of this life.
I'm don't know what to do anymore.
May 2018 · 237
Singlehood
Ysabel May 2018
I'm so afraid that one day all this love I´ve saved up will not be given to anyone.
That the years of asking for the one, will be wasted
And I will be alone in an apartment with a dog and goats,
computer and notes,
Writing poems and scripts,
Wishing that fantasies were real.
I miss giving love and be loved
Apr 2018 · 152
I wish
Ysabel Apr 2018
'you seemed happy,´ said he.
Mar 2018 · 141
Anxiety
Ysabel Mar 2018
Why do I feel I'm such a failure?
Why do I feel I don't deserve anything?
Why do I need to reassure myself every minute?
Why do I need to stop myself from inflicting pain?
Feb 2018 · 196
ART
Ysabel Feb 2018
ART
It won't pay your bills
It won't pay your debt
It won't pay your dream wedding
But it can fill you whole.
Hats off to all the artists who keep on creating masterpiece!
Feb 2018 · 218
Meme
Ysabel Feb 2018
I'm the class clown,
The bright yellow icing in a dull cupcake,
The rare music fair in town.

I'm the internet´s viner,
The one who tells joke in a party,
The one who secretly have tinder.

I'm the joy in every occasion,
The sunshine in every rain,
The one who never had permanent position.

Though sometimes I love who am I,
But this is not the path I like,
For making everbody happy is hard,
When you are breaking inside.
Live. Laugh. Love
Feb 2018 · 1.3k
Caught
Ysabel Feb 2018
Have you ever felt different?
That you are slowly sinking to a void you cannot resist.
That you are leaning to a wall that slowly crumbles from within.

Have you ever felt lost?
That whatever direction you take you just keep going to the same place.
That no matter how long you seemed you´ve walked on, you still can´t go far.

Have you ever felt dead?
Because this is what I feel right now.
I'm caught in a void that ***** me,
I'm caught in a path I can´t walk on.
I feel dead, I feel nothing at all
Dec 2017 · 526
Dilemma
Ysabel Dec 2017
When you finally find a job that is decent, that pays quite enough and you love but your body betrays you, weakens you, and sabotage your dream.

Will you continue working despite the sleepless yet satisfying days? Or will you quit and listen to your body?
Its hard you know. I need an advice
Nov 2017 · 1.6k
Inay
Ysabel Nov 2017
Ang aming salita ay unti unti nang naglalaho.
Ang mga karanasan noong unang panahon ay hindi na nababasa.
Ang mga masining na kultura´t tradisyon ay mistulang larawan na lamang ng nakaraan.
Ang mga masasayang okasyon ay isa na lamang pangarap.

Ang lahat ng ito ay nawala sa pagdating ng bago, Inay.
Pilit ka man nilang palitan, ang dugo mo pa rin ang nananalaytay sa amin.
Ang pagkaPilipino ay hinding hindi mapapalitan gaano man karaming lenggwahe, kagamitan o oportunidad ang dumating.
Ako ay titindig at magsasalita pa rin ng lenggwaheng aking ipagmamalaki saanman sa mundo.
Para sayo aking Inang Pilipinas, kami ay aasenso nang hindi nakakalimut sa nakaraan.
Nov 2017 · 890
Pangako
Ysabel Nov 2017
Patawad Inay sa walang pakundangang pagsuway sa iyong mga pinaguutos,
Sa walang kagatol-gatol na pagsumbat sa bawat pangaral,
Sa walang lamas na pagwaldas sa mga pinaghirapan niyong salapi,
At sa patuloy na pakikipagkaibigan sa mga kaaway.

Ako,
kami,
ay hindi na nakikinig,
hindi na natututo mula sa mga nangyari noong pahanon mo,
mula sa mga karanasang hindi mo malilimutan.

Kaya´t Inay sa susunod na mga taon ay sisikapin ko, sa tulong ng aking mga kapatid, ng aking mga kaibigan na patuloy na nagtitiwala sa akin, ay babaguhin ko ang aming bansa. Kami ay magiging radikal upang ang pagbabagong ito ay hindi masayang at maging isang panaginip lamang.
Oct 2017 · 159
She finally decides
Ysabel Oct 2017
She chose the latter,
the easiest way,
the less complicated,
the less bumpy way.

She chose to be selfish,
she chose to inflict pain---
instead of feeling the pain,
instead of loosing the leash.

She chose to ignore the signs,
she chose to act normal,
she chose to live by,
before pulling off the gun,
atlast.
Oct 2017 · 249
Happy birthday, self
Ysabel Oct 2017
With all the adversaries she is facing,
With all the issues she is enduring,
With all the wrong things that cover her goodness,
On the night of her birthday, she finally took her last breathe
Just
To
Be
Free
At
Last
Probably my last note
Oct 2017 · 158
ONE
Ysabel Oct 2017
ONE
Of all the things I love to see,
Nothing compares thy thee: his
Eyes, his mouth, his heart.
I would always choose you my love, my only ONE.
To you  future love
Sep 2017 · 312
Break it
Ysabel Sep 2017
It's thursday and you just want this week to end,
You're tired, you want to sleep, yet you still have things to send.

Your Mom called you, you didn't answer.
Your boss yelled at you, it didn't matter.

You finally got home and ate dinner,
You suddenly felt alone and bitter:

Your ex is now married,
Your best friend will have kids.

You're now thirty but seems like you still don't have a lead,
on how you'll live your life, on how you'll be free.

The clock ticks at midnight,
you put on your PJs,
you close you eyes and pray,
'One day I'll break this bubble, I'll be happy and free. I'll no longer be alone, for I will live the life I long to see.'
Break from anxiety
Ysabel Sep 2017
Lately you made me cry:

I'm crying for the people we should have helped when we had the chance,

I'm crying for all the soldiers who fought and still fighting because of wars that started because of politics and absurb ideologies,

I'm crying for all the children who have lost their parents by fighting for their rights,

I'm crying for all the books we should have read instead of staying up late with our social media accounts,

I'm crying for the person we should have been,
for the person we changed,
for the dreams we dismissed because of self-centeredness
and norms we continually adopt to.

But a little cry is not enough for you to answer, 'what really happened, humanity?
It pains me to know that we are becoming the person we're afraid to meet
Sep 2017 · 410
Mom
Ysabel Sep 2017
Mom
Home is not home,
if you're gone...
A sad loss for us. We will miss you Aunt Bernadette.
Aug 2017 · 222
Half across the world
Ysabel Aug 2017
In our dreams
let's share our stories,
our failures,
our passion,
but not our hearts.
We are totally stangers to each other. It *****.
Aug 2017 · 188
Alienated
Ysabel Aug 2017
Dont worry if you feel weird,
Dont worry if you feel you dont belong,
Because you are not meant to be here,
You are meant to outshine this world.
So smile, your planet awaits.
Jul 2017 · 201
Longing thy love
Ysabel Jul 2017
I long for thy love that makes me blush:
The sweet notes every morning,
The random kisses when you meet,
And the cuddles at night.

I long for thy love that makes me sane:
The endless calls that motivates,
The simple touch that keeps you heart alert,
And the silly winks during dinner date.

And I wonder if I will still have the chance to feel those,
Because I know that there's possibility that I won't.
So should I prepare myself being alone,
Or I'll keep waiting for thy love I long for?
I feel Im not beautiful anf attractive. I've been single for 5 years now and no one had asked me out or is it because I reject those who tried? I really miss being in love. Sorry for this note.
Ysabel Jun 2017
I saw you staying late at night,
in your small dark room
staring at your ceiling
asking for answers.

That day, I saw you getting anxious
at your office around nine.
'Coz your hot headed Boss yelled at you
because you failed to send invites.

Yet I know you did your best,
staying behind just to finish
the letters, the inputs,
the programs even the script.

The bags in your eyes get bigger every night,
While you cram to send it all.
Your eyes get watery, you become jitty,
But no one knew because you accepted the call.

I saw all your hardworks.
I saw all you pains.
I heard all the belittlings.
I heard all your pleas and cries.

Yet despite all these,
You're still here fighting.
Finishing the fight you've started.

The rope is no longer hanging,
Those blades are now kept.

To the girl who thought of death lately,
I salute you for being brave!
Live life despite how hard it may seem.
Apr 2017 · 303
Just don't
Ysabel Apr 2017
Don't let her fall
If you don't intend
To keep her.

Don't fix her heart
If one day
You'll break her.

Don't say promises
If one day
You'll leave her.

Just say what you feel,
Do what you want
Without secong guessing,
For that it what she deserves.

No lies,
No sweet words,
No broken promises.
I dont love him but Im trying to
Feb 2017 · 217
Contrast
Ysabel Feb 2017
The more I learn to hate you,
The more I appreciate your flaws.
Aug 2016 · 641
Unknown farewell
Ysabel Aug 2016
"Paint me yellow," was the weirdest line i got from you.

"I like my egg as raw," was the silliest prank you've ever thrown.

"People cry, so let's laugh," was the best advice i got from you.

"Dont come looking for me," was the line that i didnt see coming.

because with the endless things i learn to know about you,
you just left me with a letter,
with no words,
no letters,
just our last picture taken this summer.
When memories are all you got.
Jun 2016 · 535
White lies
Ysabel Jun 2016
You were my sun,
that lit my life.
But you are the same sun,
that blinds me up.
He change. He moved on. Yet, I'm still here stuck on the idea of us.
Jun 2016 · 689
Forgotten Promise
Ysabel Jun 2016
I won't
let myself
fall for
you again,
I guess.
Jun 2016 · 375
Doctor's Advice
Ysabel Jun 2016
I wake up this morning
with a loud **** in my heart.
I slowly caress it but it won't stop
and it feels more heavy than before.

I went to the mirror and see if it has hole.
But it just my body and nothing more.
I continue to caress it but it won't stop
and it feels heavier than the last.

I called my doctor and ask for his help,
but he just laugh at me and said,
'Don't worry ysa, its not a heart attack,
Your heart is just beating for someone,
And it seems you didn't notice
you're already falling in love.'
One of my ideas of confession.
Jun 2016 · 519
Dreams
Ysabel Jun 2016
Know
that
One
day,
it
will
be
worth
the
fight.
Dont give up on your dreams.
Jun 2016 · 238
Transform
Ysabel Jun 2016
Have you been wondering why everything doesn't fall into places?
That no matter how hard you try to fix it, you would still stumble along the way.
Maybe its time for you to stop fixing and start asking help.
You need to acknowledge that we all need help from another.
But if a man can't help you then look above, for He has always planned a great future ahead of you.
Trust me, He changed me.
Now its up to you if want to be transformed.
Jesus is amazing God. He transformed me and freed me from sin and condemnation.
Jun 2016 · 573
Sonnet to Dee
Ysabel Jun 2016
Standing before the dusk had arrive,
Waiting for the dark to come and subside,
Remembering the pains before I dive,
And your memories left me as my guide.
I can still smell the fragrance of yours,
The beat of your heart I still hear it's boom,
Your smile and chuckle are my golds,
Gives me strength to fights in every storm.
But now that I am alone in the dark,
Sitting at one corner that I've been cried,
Hearing your voice and the dogs howled and bark,
Then I saw our picture, though sad I tried,
To forget everything even your eyes,
But I can't I want you to be back 'gain.
A five year old poem. I made this when I was still in junior high.
May 2016 · 259
Mornings with you
Ysabel May 2016
A little bit of sweetness,
Plus a spoon full of love.
Stir it with perfection,
Then drown it with warm hugs.
This is how my morning goes,
A day started with smiles and warmth
May 2016 · 294
Drop it
Ysabel May 2016
I was hollowed
I was shattered
I run before but I couldn’t run away.
You were there
Watching me from afar
You tried to catch me but you didn’t try actually.
We were lost
And we will never meet again
Like a parallel lines that will never intersect.
They can give us new life
They make us happy
But not as the happiness we had before we drop it all away.
May 2016 · 500
Casting Magic
Ysabel May 2016
You might be wondering how you craft your poems,
Or how your hand paint endless songs,
What matters most is what you've got,
To make your readers cry then laugh.
A tribute to Simon and Baz because I got too much Simon Snow in me.
May 2016 · 380
Why we are writing
Ysabel May 2016
To defy our existence,
In this mundane world,
We need to write
With no fear and rights.

To found our voice
In every song,
We need to cry
With words and tone.

To be drown in our emotions,
Inspite of support groups,
We need to be free
From people we cannot see.

More than wanting to disappear
In between of classes,
I write,
To keep my sanity.
May 2016 · 930
Eargasm
Ysabel May 2016
Hush darling,
Don't moan out loud.
Tell when to stop this,
Tell when you had enough.

Like that darling,
Tap the table but not too hard.
Feel the rhythm,
Dance  the beat.

Because this won't end soon,
before you knew it.
Music is everything.
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