I am not okay
I don't know what's wrong
but something's not right
And I am not okay

I wish you could borrow my eyes for one minute, just so you could see the world the way I do. See my view, my thoughts, my fears, my insecurities, and my memories. Feel what I feel through my eyes. See the way my eyes see you.

Having low self-esteem *****
It has shaped me in ways that I can't even look at myself in the mirror

I do not want anyone to feel what I feel about myself
It is a terrible, terrible feeling
when you can't accept yourself
when you doubt everything
when you can't trust yourself
when you can't love yourself
when you give in to the voices that little you and,
and start to believe every word of it

I do not wish this upon anyone
but for some reason
when I find someone who is going through this...
it helps

I know I can talk to them
I think because they are the only ones who truly understand
Who will not make fun of me
Who will stand by me because they know,
they know what it's like to wish you could rip this skin of yours and be a different skin
because you just hate yourself so much

I am still getting used to this skin

You deserve to be happy
You deserve that smile on your face
That smile that we don't get to see often
You deserve to get what you want,
what you desire

Don't apologize for what's in your heart
Don't apologize for what you want
Don't apologize for who you are

Have fun
Smile
Laugh
Love
Live
Fly

Oh dear self
You deserve it all
So take it
Without feeling sorry
Without feeling guilty
Just take it all
and be
*happy

No one cared until I started holding a pencil
until I started writing
let's call them poems

Did writing make people actually care about me?
Or did it just make them curious enough to ask about me?

Do they like my writing?
Or do they like how I can describe things in ways they can't?

Has this pencil brought me closer to people?
Has it made them finally see me?

Questions start to occur
every time I hold this pencil of mine

questions question question
so many questions
and not enough answers

If you ask me to speak my feelings
I will not be able to utter a word
I will not be able to form a comprehensive sentence
However
Give me a pencil
and I will express... gladly
Whether through writing or drawing

I suppose I owe a lot to my pencil
You might see it as a wood that leaves mark on papers
but to me
It's a whole world,
a world that I'm eager to explore

Thank you pencil
Thank you for being there for me
when my tongue isn't
Thank you for speaking up for me
Thank you for being my voice