The other night
I spent all of my tears & paid all my prayers,
I had hoped it would end it all.

My pillows
cashed in the huge streaming check
from every drop my eyes spilled.
My blanket held me down
while both thought took turns
throwing hard punches & kicks
at every square-inch on my body.

Then
my bones crunched
with every attempt
to fully drain the hope-
-ful air in my lungs.
I could only lay there.
Twitching out breathless cries,
rubbing blood out of my eyes
& taking it all in for the whole night.

The following day
I brought these thugs to work  
but no one else seemed to notice.
My doctor tried to numb me with pills,
& I must admit
although they did work at giving it all the cold shoulder,
it didn't take long
before I struggled to use my shoulder
With their knives & spears steaked into my skin.

Every night now, I sleep to their stories
& their bullying,
eyes-wide,
cut-throat,
focused on breathing all night.
I thought I could fake my way through it all
but now
these noices have started making sense
& I
don't know why I'm breathing anymore.

I'm 'k...
ling me ever so slowly but surely,
I'm 'k...
ling me and now one's there to stop me.
I'm dying, no one's crying for
This dead body to be
I lost reasons for living
They are blind, they cannot see

...Just 'k...
ling me,
Just 'k...
ling me...

Never thought I'd be my own Undertaker
Never knew in me there is an UnMaker!
Still waiting for things to get better
But it seems like forever...

Dark Dreaming Dexter, a book by Jeff Lindsay
Made me realize my closeness to insanity

Not allowed to ****
But I just will...

...if you hatch me
never enough entropy
welcome insanity
hey there, psychopathy
be free numerous noices
how much? infinity...

...punish me for their vices
they ignored all my voices
make me pay for their crimes...

I'D BE DEAD RIGHT NOW, BUT I JUST CAN'T SEEM TO FIND THE TIME

i’m just so tired...
i wish the world would just be
quiet
nothing but silent
no screaming - yelling - noices
or voices
i wish the world
and the voices in my head
would just shut up and be quiet
give me some rest for once
is that really too much to ask for?

*(s.m)

simple life
reaping crops
through the  sprouting shadow
pay attention
death's always around
a little unconscious blink is enough
shadow takes over
and welcomes the little simple man
called death
dissolve into nothing
a soft sound noices

Circling around a metal beast
A bliss of joy that could destroy
A triangle with two more points
Get rid of them, to sand them off

One, two, three
Full circles been
Four, five, six
We stop complete.

Loud noices but no warnings
No one said stop this madness
Slow down to one frame per second
Giant worm to tackled a moan.

Surfing through the air
My mind is not thinking astraight
Laughing at what's been
A spill of death for those ahead

No use for words, stupid thoughts
******* you people
I swear you're done
Is not against me, bad luck it's just

It's just bad luck for those who know
Aware of pain to think still
How come they panic
No hope for granted

Come and join us
We don't care
Each complaint
Ha, I don't care.

I'm stuck
Please give me a little luck
Pull me out in this place
So I can never see you face

I'm tired of all the lies
Now I open my eyes
I don't wanna fight
But I want rights


All this voices
Became noices
I am ready to shout
Please hear me out

Noices and voices scrambled far and near
Broken is wheel that my soul cant heal

Unworthy is the gifted, wounded is my pride
Wouldnt I be better off if my dreams simply died

Cancel the show, turn off the lights
Lets get over with and cease all the fights

My shadow in the corner, a silhouette in the hall
If I am winter, she is the snow

There will be,
last time of times,
place where time won't turn back no more,
so until,
I reach this foreign land,
I give you choices,
for voices within, makes all kind of noices,
ones I enjoy, some hurtful decoy,
but my life,
too short to think twice,
too many times, you preached I'm nice,
so leash is on, chokes once more,
stings deeply in my souls core