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NitaAnn  Aug 2014
Lump
NitaAnn Aug 2014
I find myself tangled in the lump of my throat.  
Trapped somewhere between my mind of logic and my twisted and aching heart I am dizzy with conflict.  
I am worth something.  
I am worth nothing.  
I am worth more than words can offer.

That familiar lump squeezes and twists my weary emotions as I grasp for a momentary breath of logic.
A thought that reassures what kindness says; an understanding that I am so much more than what he said.  
But in that moment his words, his actions; they come crashing down on me as the lump threatens to engulf me.

Pain and bitter bile wash over me
The choices seem so non-existent.  
Why else would his hatred spiral?  
Why else would a child so young bear such deep and burdened scars?

It must be because I am worth so little.

The secrets that we shared.  
The secrets that I keep.  
These are the fuel to ignite a burning lump of torture.  
I struggle to move on
I struggle to let go while the lump clutches its tiny treasure.  
How do I feel my worth when all I feel is the pain wiping away even the smallest doubt that he might have been wrong?

I want to breathe.  
I want to feel the full capacity of worth expand until that lump of disbelief is pushed aside for good.  

I want to exhale until I know that he was wrong.
Silence Screamz  Sep 2014
Lump
Silence Screamz Sep 2014
When did it visit me?
I really don't know when.
It came out of nowhere,
I feel that it's a sin.

Naked in the shower,
washing up clean.
I felt this little lump,
scared and unforeseen.

Feeling all alone,
I looked up to the sky.
Fingers locked together,
I asked the Lord, "Why?"

Now, I lay in silence,
while the tumor grows inside.
Putting up these walls,
all I do is cry.

Months have gone by,
with the chemo and the draws.
The sickness took my *******,
now that's the final straw.

It's been six months now,
I struggled for my life.
I beat the **** cancer.
I AM HAPPY, I WILL SURVIVE!!
My mother is a breast cancer survivor. But I also wrote this for all the survivors and to the ones to whom that lost their battle with this disease!  PLEASE SHARE AND LET THIS TREND!!
Dan Schell  Oct 2011
Neglect
Dan Schell Oct 2011
Deep in the bottle,
where even the strongest minds fizzle,
perspective sways softly
and judgment is cutting
deep into submission
of stupor and stumble,
a profound lack of commitment
nodded off in the chair.

Wishing away
today and tomorrow,
but shadows can be patient
and wait for the dark.
The lump on the couch,
he bristles with anger,
fed whiskey and Winston’s
to dull those sharp cravings
for death ever-lasting,
for abyssal release.

You left the lump breathing,
withdrew your attention
to his core care and feeding;
you’ve taken to singing
serenades to the sleeping,
but memories keep bleeding,
that puncture your tincture;
for that lump is your fixture
of regret and remorse.

The lump does not whimper
until shadows are long,
the reruns on TV run into
the screaming of your song;
the drum solo hammers
on tomb-like front door;
a concert, just for husband and you;
the social worker’s knocking;
whatever will you do?
Published in the August, 2011 issue of Midwest Literary Magazine.
http://midwestliterarymagazine.com/archives/
© 2011 – Dan Schell
The Silencebreaker  May 2013
Lump
Sometimes
When there is suddenly this little lump in my throat
and my vision goes blurry
I tell myself:
"It's okay."

I don't realise that I have been lying to myself for
way
too
long.
Truth is
"It's not okay."

I watch sad videos in front of you guys
and cry
and then I realise that it's not the video that's
sad.
It's because they are excuses for me to cry.

I know people care for me
I know people worry about me
I know people want me to change
I Know.

So I'm really sorry guys,
I've been holding these emotions for way too long
way
too
long.
Trying to lie to myself that everything is fine
Trying to tell myself that things will get better
Trying to tell myself that it's okay.

I've been trying.
I really have.
I've been trying to fake a smile through everything
Doesn't mean I don't say anything,
I don't feel anything.
I know you guys are hurt by me too
and that I shouldn't blast at you
and treat you like punching bags
but
honestly I don't want it to happen too.

You guys say I can always confide to you
and you guys will always be there for me
but there's too many things I need to say
and these words form that little lump in my throat.
I can't find anyone I can confide to.
"My thoughts are stars I cannot fathom into constellations."
They all have their own problems and the last thing I want
is to have them worry about me.
They worry when I hurt them too
and I don't want that to happen.


So I guess I'll just keep quiet.


I'm sorry guys,
I'm not going to say anything about my problems
and not say anything mean to you.
Don't worry about me anymore.
I will let that little lump in my throat
get washed away from the tears
and the little streams of optimism I still have.
Though these streams are drying up
from the emotions that have continuously been
heated up.
Holly M Jul 2018
empty is not the right word.
what is the word for
not quite empty but not quite full?
there is a glass on the table-
it is not half-empty,
but it is not half-full.
it is just a glass of water.
i am just a glass of water:
not empty, not full;
not happy, not sad-
not anything.
not anything at all.

the clear blue nothingness
reminds me of the fact.
it’s dotted with cotton candy clouds.
i wonder if they are as sweet.
my tongue salivates at the thought.
it is like a land of dreams
without sorrow or pain
yet i am here,
floating lightly
though i feel like a paperweight,
weighed down by the lump in my throat.

it’s hard to remember
what home looks like.
i can’t see in terms of
“where i belong,”
i only see in terms of
“the trees are like broccoli sprouts-” and
“the cars look like hotwheels-” and
“every single one has a person in it, and
they all have their own journeys, and
i am here.”
i don’t think they know how beautiful it is.
i didn’t.

home to me now is a backpack
a couple books
and a trinket from an old friend.
they are the only ones like me:
strangers in a strange land.
i’d like to find my way back someday-
if only i knew the way.
Scared of what life has planned
Thinking back to the past
Already been dealt a hard hand
Thought it was good at last

A lump in my throat
Scared to jinx the scheduled test
Too soon that I spoke
Holding hope too close to my breast
Another poem for my confessions challenge...  Just another things adding stress and depression to my life.
Big Virge Oct 2015
So What Does It Mean To Be .... " Corrupt " .... ?!?
Well These Days It Would Seem ...  
A Good Place To Start Is Within GOVERNMENT ... !!!

Allegations of Moves Corrupters Use ....  
Is Regular News From Government Crews ... !!!  

So What's The Score ... ?  
With Government Lords Who Have Powers To ENFORCE ... ?!?  
  
Some It Seems Are Now BOUGHT ...  
To Affect The Course of Future Laws ... !!!!!  
  
Surely Something's UP ...  
When Those CLEARLY In A Position of TRUST ...  
Affect The Lives of .... ALL OF US ....  
Because of Bribes From Corporate Ties ... !!!!!  
  
So Does This Mean That ...  
Corporate Teams Who Make BIG MONEY ... !!!!!    
  
CANNOT Make Bucks Without Being CORRUPT ... ?!!!?  
  
.... " SURELY NOT !!!!! " ....  
  
Those At THE TOP I'm Sure Would Say ...  
  
"We don't get paid to cook up plots !" ...
  
So What's The Need To Bribe MP's or WORSE Still LORDS ... !!!  
To .... MODEL Laws That DON'T Help The Poor ...  
  
It's Been Done Before And That's For SURE ... !!!  
  
And It RARELY Seems That They're Found GUILTY ... !?!  
Or Face Penalties That Affect Their Rights ...  
To AVOID Prison Time For What's Clearly A CRIME ... !!!  
  
They Affect The Masses Lives Just For A Money Prize ... !!!  
CORRUPTION And LIES ... Seems To Be Their Life ...  
  
But CORRUPTION It's Clear ...  
DOESN'T End With ... " Peers " ...  
  
Corrupted Files Seem To Set The Profiles ...  
of Those Online With CORRUPTED Minds ...

Like ... PAEDOPHILES ... !!!!!  
  
So If Your P.C. Starts To STALL ...  
You've Been Surfing TOO MUCH **** ... !!!!!!!!!!!
  
The CLEAR Sign Being Of Course ...  
What Is Called A ... Trojan Horse ... !!!!!!!!!!  
  
NOT THAT I Would Know ...  
Somebody ... TOLD ME SO ... !!!!!
  
I've Watched My Share of Shows ...  
That Feature .... " **'s and Pro's " ...  
  
Does That Make ME CORRUPT ... ?  
Well I Guess It Kinda DOES ... !?!  
  
But CORRUPTED Flows Within My Prose ... ???  
Well Just Like Coc' ... My Answer's NO ... !!!!!  
  
So CORRUPTIVE Quotes I Choose To CHOKE ... !!!  
  
No Tell ... NO ** ... !!!  
But Corruption Now Is How Cameras Roll ...  
And That's Just How The Story Goes ...  
In Most of These ... Net Videos ... !!!  
  
Does Corruption Mean A Need To See These Girls In Scenes ...  
That Were Once Deemed As Being ... " UNCLEAN " ... !!!!!  
  
Well I Guess That's Me But What About .... THEM .... ???  
Women YES Who OPEN LEGS And Show Off ******* ...  
To Get FAT Cheques For ... Having *** ... ?!?
  
Are They Corrupt For Doing Stuff ...  
That In The Past Would of Had Them Cast ...  
As You Know What ... A ***** **** ... !!!
  
Well NOT Nowadays ....  
As Long As They GET PAID ... !!?!!  
  
Now I'm NO ***** ...  
But Corruption's MOVED In How It's Viewed ... ???  
  
Which Is Why I Asked At The Very Start ...  
  
"What does it mean to be corrupt ? " ...........
  
It Seems To Me That Being Corrupt ...  
Can Fulfil Many Dreams of ... LIVING IT UP ... !!!!!!  
  
So What Would You Do If You Met A Crew ...  
Who Offered You A LOAD of CASH To **** Another Man ...  
Or To Build A Plan To INVADE Foreign Lands ... ???  
  
Well If You Would Accept That Type of Payment ...  
Do You Think You ... SHOULD ... ?!?  
  
Corruption Could ... Affect YOU TOO ... !?!  
Or People Who Are CLOSE TO YOU ... !!!  
  
Which Goes To PROVE ...  
Corruptive Moves Can Lead To ABUSE ...  
The Kind of Abuse That Has Moral Issues ... !!!  
  
So Maybe It's MORALS ... ?  
That Have Hit The Rocks And Have Now Been LOST ... !!!  
  
So What's The ... " COST " ... ?  
A Lump Sum Payment To Affect Government ...  
Which May Well Affect You More Than It Does ... " THEM " ... !!!  
So Do You Think It's COOL ... When This Causes PROBLEMS ...  
  
Like Todays .... " Credit Crunch " ... !?!  
I'll Leave That To You To Consider Your View ...  
  
But Here's My Last Question ... ?  
For Corruption To LESSEN ...  
In This Modern Age Where CASH Is The Aim ...  
Whether By Getting Laid Or By Law Breaking Ways ...  
  
When You Think of This Stuff ...  
What Does It Mean To You To Be One Who's ...  
  
.... " CORRUPT " .... ???
The parameters of society keep changing so much, that it's getting hard to define what is now seen as being, corrupt !?!
Ashley Nicole  Feb 2015
Charcoal
Ashley Nicole Feb 2015
A lump of coal
Tossed into the fire
Before it even stood a chance
Of becoming a diamond

And all it needed was time
She remembers the lump of joy on her breast
Where love made a permanent nest,
What she didn’t know was between smile and sigh
Years would quickly pass by.

Years would quickly pass by
Years would quickly pass by
Riding on smile and sigh,
She would never know
She could never know
The nested love would soon die.

When I held the lump of joy between my hands
I saw only love quietly making its nest,
But now in my eyes sorrows’ rain lands
Knew not the years would pass in haste.

The years would pass in haste
The years would pass in haste
Riding on smile and sigh,
I would never know
I could never know
The nested love would once die.

When we brought the lump of joy between us
Love made a nest in our heart,
We never knew the years would quickly pass
Leaving love’s nest a barren desert!

The years would quickly pass
The years would quickly pass
Riding on smile and sigh,
We would never know
We could never know
They would leave a gulf between us.
vircapio gale Sep 2012
wakefulness demands a certain clearness when asleep . . .
it doesn't come as planned
"tat tvam asi"
LaBerge says to me in dream of me
"this world you are, withstanding even torments thou art never seen."
and that's enough to suffer aching, opaque psyche summit, forward
heart to rise an interspecies knell when danceless fades the bee in droves...
aimless whales who singing deep in love are cut from evolution's murky chain...
fungal blight of hibernaculum, in deafened sonar sending sudden drop of death;
to horror fragment melt, the ocean swill from ancient caps to sunken polar paw
diverse in massacre of tropic forest fertile mists, lives dispersed
and balance tipped from blindness not unlike the sterile statue's, there
                                                          i­n dusty courthouse corner, shadow-lined with infamy...
what imagined cartoon causal Captain Planet              
                            villainy to blare across oneiromantic globe? and (dreaming?) civil strife,                  
       eradication's alter triumph pose to measure blame in inner life?
of empiric meditation's top, in *******
churning out abuse in deeper,
                                                         ­   younger hidden traffics yet to terrorize the net...                                  
                                             the scraping of the sky had punctured through                                
                         ­                                      from metaphor to fact
                                       the sooty barbs
                            in radiance rebound    
and irony affected 'green'
                  folds crisis and solution into one                            we hope
                like what we say we are, becoming change                      in wartime summer fling    
we                                                        
say we can in world of 'me'                                      
in guilt-assuaging verve
                                  the heifer-gift to village fief
    but then to rest against organic pillow-conscience gray                                                             ­       
                                                               soundly snoring smokestacks fill from ground to sky
still for sly investment windfall   fog  billow, shake...                             
transcontinental scape of dream imbued anew:
i am the genie of my ownmost inner lamp
in dreamtime-being spacious constellational of reach distilled
in contemplation's tratak zoom mInute
   with jet black finger trace
    i net                                                              ­                                        from out the inter-earthen air                
                                             ­                                              the lump on lump of coal
                massaging from                                                             ­      as if an ivory atmospheric                  
lift                   of      weight  
                           the sculpture of our past condensed in elephantine ******
                                                 miasmic fossil shower-haze of sporogenic fear,
mneumonic nail-tusk night of carbon-spirit back into its hold -- originary dark,
Dark light from burning black                                                 once again contained                                                      in elemental subterrain                                                       ­                                                       
         ­                                        --now it underlies the ground inside for triple shielding outshine
--outer-- light to cool us breathing once again . , ,    
false convenience in abeyance in a human time!                                
i am right now of inward self my soul supernal carbon imprint copy                             
for accounting every speciesistic mind to open wide enough and quell the "all-too human plagues--                                                                           ­       cheering all penultimates, in beams reflecting ante-truth          
                                                 down halls of mirror-minds that lightly discourse
on the ingress of a centaur saving power
channeling the leylines of inception,
ecstatic dreamworld of apotheosic glee:
parting the eidetic clouds,
commune an avatar intentionality . . .
ensorcelling the foodstuffs of the world to feed a dozen million refugees,
insectile diet pride attends in homes of affluence,
the abstract mass of media, become eupeptic cud of understanding bats and even bees--
for biospheres a Goodall stewardship arrives
(her perfect chimp call too resounds across the earth!)
and dwindled frogs their former ponds (unknown, destroyed without a sound)
return to chirping vibrant green symphonic swooning life
the glacial march of tears to halt . . .
all ecosystems rife withall
the panegyric of marshlands globally reborn  
along with shining waters, algaeic sun alive at play
in double-helix breath of dolphin families' bubble art
a sudden resurrect from ****** harvest cove arise cascading joyous leap
on final absence of the metal herding knock of trapping pods
no longer hacked in waves of pink, mere preparations for a restaurant sink--
they are free to swim the depth of worldheart dreaming unknown dream entire real again
marine apsaras dip in spectra (flicker eyelid) rays, reintroduce the dawn
her fine apparel calling forth transhuman destinies
unsplicing brilliant minds from ****** task of splicing GMOs
recycled randomness accepting death before we die
mycelium in runs of spilling-- all undone --
migrational attuned our resource use
and CSAs to thrive in eco-city scapes
no solopsistic somniac pretends
--the dream imbued in final hue
a momentary lapse, creationary flux--
the bombs defused in flick of wrist
indentured and enslaved, imprisoned innocents, oppressed and even self-deprived released
through selfhood's metaviral claim
ground of each dependent intertwining
whatness will to be
a place in which to hum in tune or out of tune
to heal and in a another dream aside from this perhaps with me partake
in true oneiric panoply of conflict held
--with permeating rigpa geogaze--
colliding ideologies transmuted into trust
in panharmonium of varied vision
and what the ever present boons of real, imagined symbol-real
create awake












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