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Esther May 12
you live
in my memories now
and i like to
revisit
every now and then
@2:50am
19/08/24
Esther May 12
for the first time
i understood why children cry
and beg for their favourite toys
not to be taken away

because darling
that's exactly how I feel
when i imagine
ever losing you
@5:57am
28/02/23
Esther May 11
i have just moved all our pictures
into the hidden folder
the graveyard of memories
my heart aches with endless yearning
sorrow, grief and regret

our love was so short-lived
like a helpless little kitten
that died before it ever got a chance
to fully experience the wonders of life

our love was a flickering candle flame
that burnt so bright
and fizzled so soon

my tattooed golden retriever
my soldier, my love
you said it was "right person, wrong time"
but what if the timing could never favour upon us?
what if we could never find our way back to each other?
𝘺𝘰𝘶'𝘳𝘦 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘭𝘺, 𝘺𝘰𝘶'𝘷𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘭𝘺, 𝘵𝘰𝘰 𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘨...
Esther Sep 2023
i met you when i was 14
and like an addict with their first dose of ******
i had a taste of you, liked it
i grabbed and hooked on to something
way too soon

i met you when i was 14
had my first kiss on a train in the sunset
something so strangely intriguing
it was beyond perfect, felt like home
and i thank you for that

had my first kiss on a train in the sunset
i gave my body to you
i thought that one day i was going to marry you
your fingers and lips traced every inch of my skin
our love was naked and raw

i gave my body to you
you were there in my room
we shared a playlist of stolen lullabies
i could see you up against the closet door with me
i closed my eyes as the moonlight washed me through

you were there in my room
i reached for you and you pushed my hand away
in the darkest crowd of the busy station
i saw you cry for the very first time
as the unforgivable words slipped out of my mouth

i reached for you and you pushed my hand away
we danced under the christmas lights
we never made it 'til the season
the decorations were put up too early
just like us

we danced under the christmas lights
you left me like my soul had left my body
phone call, 19:35
i guess you were relieved
but nobody else would care for me the way you did

you left me like my soul had left my body
i was a **** mess
no food, no shower, no friends, no life
i couldn't leave the couch due to my fear
that even seeing the littlest something would've reminded me of you

i was a **** mess
you had blades running down my skin
we were toxic
our love had both of us walking on a tightrope from the very beginning
i guess you fell off first

you had blades running down my skin
i found myself
you stold my highest passion - taylor swift
we were going to see her show later this year
but i was left with a spare ticket

i found myself
i was getting over you
sleeping, crying, dancing
until the music came back into my life
until i saw the sunrise for the first time in 6 months

i was getting over you
in the end, you were just another poem. i don't want a man who became 11 stanzas. i want a man who's my end game.

@3:39pm
06/10/18
Esther Sep 2023
i'm trapped inside my own mind
watching the world go by
with this burning desire for freedom
yet struggling to leave the past behind

this mental cage i've built
my trapped soul like an helpless bird
drenched myself in darkness
i cannot fly

i thought you were my guardian angel
but you clipped my wings
said you'd give me the world
but you took everything from me
they told me all of my cages were mental // so i got wasted like all my potential
Esther Sep 2023
your touch

the sweetest glaze of heaven's gate

honey dripping from your lips

i swear, i could almost taste it
you weren't mine to lose
Esther Jan 2023
the cold fan running
the people chattering
i'm in the waiting room
biting my own nails
my brain is wired
my mind as blank
as the white wall in front of me
it's half past the scheduled time
of the appointment i never wanted to show up to
the psychologist is not here yet...
where is she?
i'm sitting here anxiously waiting
shaking my knees, rocking back and forth
can she just get here already?
so we can go back to that same old room
talk about the same old useless ****
for what must've been the hundredth time
and does it even matter
because none of it will fix my problems?
i'm still sitting here
my thoughts are consuming me
with each ticking of the clock
the fan feels a little colder
and the chatters seem a little louder
@3:16pm
23/05/19
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