I,
for a moment in a vast space of time,
was angry.
Not at myself,
not at the world,
but at you, for you, *because of you.

I try so hard to change myself,
Yet it isn’t enough for you.

You force me and push me,
Yet when I bleed, it’s too much for you.

I can’t do what you wish of me,
Yet that’s not satisfaction enough for you.

I want you to stop,
*Is that too much to ask of you?

Why can't I cry?
I am numb -
Lost and confused and upset and diffused,
And I just want to cry
So I can at least hold on
To the sadness rolling down my cheeks,
Yet I can't.

Just let me cry,
Please.

Fear of myself should have been fear of you,
The venom itself in my veins.
Thickening my blood and corrupting my soul;
A time bomb held down by your chains.

My home cannot be here,
Which is where I choose to stay,
For I gave my heart to you,
And you are far away.

I will,
You just have to trust me.
One day, I will wake up and decide that it is my time,

To focus on me
And allow myself to be happy,
But right now, I need to feel this way.

I can't tell you that,
You wouldn't understand.
But feeling this is so much better

Than feeling nothing at all.
You just have to trust me,
I will.

I fill myself up for you to take it all away,
Watching the flood commence as you do so.
The broken waters that refreshed my being;
Smiling through the day, crying through the night;
You always liked putting old agonies in sealed bottles.

Falling faces as sunshine turns to dust inside,
Stuck telling the time on a long-broken clock.
Minds wandering as beasts draw nearer,
Blood in their eyes. ****** on their breath.
Killing it and taking me with. Instant relief.

I breathe.