Tumbling and roaring
Froth-water came soaring,
To bash on the rocks below
Up, it rose as hazy mist
And on my  face, a dewy kiss,
A gift, to let things grow
Rainbows, bold with golden light
Upon the splash, its glowing bright
The tumbling and the roaring Might
Goes crashing down below
A river, wide above it crawls
To the edge of gushing falls
Then cascades a crystal show
And on the floor, beneath the trees
Goes gushing on towards to seas
And I will watch the water go
Will watch the water go

A monk sips morning tea,
it's quiet,
    the chrysanthemum's flowering.

I took a class in psychology,
But who could ever hope to know
The inner wanderings of a lost soul,
The mechanisms making you tick,
You, conflicting conundrums and
Cautious contradictions...
You have classically conditioned my mind
To fumble over your chapter,
With your classical ways..
Heuristics never applied to you,
You are Freudian; hopelessly undefinable
And impossibly right

I wait upon the morning star
Beneath the sullen trees
And from the lonly wind I hear
A bittersweet melody

Well, it was a voice, truth be told,
A maiden dressed in black
And as she turned, and stood I saw
The tears fall down her back

I knew she was crying for the star,
The new one in the sky
Perhaps hers would keep mine well,
Though old, it shone nearby

Beneath the trees I met her,
The willows weeping too,
Side by side, she and I cried
While the world carried on its tune

Gold lines and the light in your smile
Humid nights and spring intentions I can honestly say that it's been a while
We used to drive around this city until all light was gone
But even after all,
the light never left
Even when I slammed the door and you broke my ribs and the night swallowed us both whole
Just when you thought the distance killed me and that I had lost my soul
The distance only maintained the surreal beauty of it all
The evenings on that hill watching the city light up and the sunlight flee
The evenings I showed you the inside of my chest and you showed me your scars
The evenings we were so high above the city and the smoke that I thought we might go back down
But even angels sometimes fall from heaven
Even Adam had to leave the garden
And so fall we did
Far from the radience of our finest nights
Far from the comfort of each others presence
Far from the freedom of our adolescent dreams of grandeur
But the light lingered on
And it will never be the same but
Maybe we'll live to see the garden again
Maybe we'll go back to that hill
Maybe we'll drive around the city again
Maybe we will
Maybe we will.

a kind of cosmic static -
the background noise lurking behind everything since that fiery moment in which everything came to be.
human beings are the only beings with big enough ears and smart enough brains to hear it.
and it’s killing us.
it whispers about the space.
the vast, yawning emptiness that is 99.0000000000000000000058 percent of the universe
and how small and unimportant we are in the face of it.
the stars are deaf to the call of the void.
and all of the less arrogant animals simply don’t care.
but humanity is smart, and intelligence has lead to efficiency.
we’ve optimized and agricultured and technologized ourselves into a vast wealth of free time.
and in that free time we’ve taken up the hobby of thought; of navel gazing; of looking within and without.
and when we turned the rods and cones of our eyes inwards the void stared back. unflinching, unblinking. and it roared, and every one of us heard.
we try to block it out with our various vices but in the end they are all in vain.
we inhale glittering ivory dust, conflagrate various flora of every shape and size,
gulp down poisons like desert floors that have never seen a drop of rain, genuflect before effigies of deities of questionable existence, sing and dance, **** and **** and **** and steal and covet, all in search of a kind of purpose.
some soft cottony bliss to plug our ears to the roar of the void.
but we cannot stop it. the slow bleed of grains of sand out of the hourglasses of our lives is one wound we will never be able to heal.
for void thou art, and unto void thou shalt return.

i read you religiously
every morning
every night
study your passages of speech
your context clues that lie in the corners of your pages
feeling the curve of your wrists,
your chest.

your shrine grows in my closet
hoodies and tshirts and basketball shorts
new additions hung up, worshiped.

i never wanted another god in my life
already have too many
one in the sky, one at home, one in the past
who frightens me more than any

but i am an addict
i have a taste for pain like no other
there is nothing like the rush of losing you violently
and then talking you back into love.

even if it takes hours of my time,
days
watching your face through a screen
writing long text messages that are as untrue as the curved eyeliner you fell in love with

the rush of being the one to win you back
the pride in my ability to manipulate you into coming home
into wanting to be with me again
despite the ugly words exchanged
returning to your family
after months
of not knowing where you were...

me
being able to convince you to come home
having the conversation end not with a dial tone
but with you relenting
giving up

that is what
i live for,
mother

We're still staring each other in the eyes, it's nearing 6 am.
We're still in that dingy hospital room, us and 5 of our friends.
You're still a mess, and broken down.
I still wish it was from being loved.
I wish like you wish, that my love could make you real.

Where did the time go?
I nearly begged my father for more.
So, I gave you all of me.
The serious sides,
But it wasn't enough to settle scores.

It wasn't hard to give away, it was just more that you was searching.
I remembered your smile at me your eyes had made it worth it.
The baby smiled at our world with warmth and so much love.
Held your heart in his hands, promising no matter what, it will be safe in his touch.

Tonight you're alone.
We're all split up, for some reason.
You're back in your room having visions of the park we used to visit.
Where our love was literally made tangible by etchings inside of wood.
Our barks now crumble,
As things no longer seem so good.
"The gradual corrosion of what once was,
And what will never be, again."

-Lij.

All I wanted was someone to love me
All I wanted was someone to love.
All I wanted was to love them more than anyone else and supply them with love.
All I wanted
All I wanted was to love you
All I wanted was to show you how much you meant to me

All I wanted...was for you to deal with me...even if it got hard...
All I wanted was someone who would hold my heart

All thats left is stitching....from the heart that you took..and the person you left cold.

All I wanted was for you to love me...
All I wanted was for you to....
All I wanted was to love you.

your hands
tediously twist
and pull
the rubix cube
not to impress
others
with your
speed of completion
but for your own
satisfaction
it will sit on your side table
for years
the mountain
you will never climb

before
your older brother
gave it to you
he rearranged
the stickers
an impossible puzzle
his prank
forgotten by him
amongst hundreds of others

your arms
scrub painstakingly
to wash away the
dark stain
on your
kitchen floor
which never fails
to catch your gaze

it has become
your routine
to spend an hour
every Sunday
cleaning
the persistent spot

curse it's existence
imagine life
without it
even though
it has become
a safety net for you
the only thing
you can count on
being there for you
when you arrive home

still,
your efforts
never cease

you will never discover
it was a fault
of the painters
a careless flaw
ignored
as they completed
the top coat

it does not matter
how much I try
to heal this
loneliness
or how many
different ways
I try to fill my
emptiness-
it is a bottomless
hole

swallows
everything thrown in
the hunger
is never satisfied
I do not think
it will ever
be full
do not think
I am able to feel whole

but
that doesn't stop me
from trying