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450 · Mar 2014
Clarity
Rose Amberlyn Mar 2014
Things could be so easy,
if we would let them be.

We could be much happier,
if we just let go.

Instead of saying,

no
no
know.

Just know.
447 · Mar 2016
Exit
Rose Amberlyn Mar 2016
People walk into your life.
They share their stories, they fight with you, they make love to you -

People walk out of your life.

Their entrance as unexpected as their exit.
But how different and miserable life would have been without them.

I just can't explain how much I want you to stay.
447 · May 2014
What Connects Us
Rose Amberlyn May 2014
Gripping our bodies and warming our blood.
This beating drum pulsing in mud.
Wipe away the dirt and clean our worried minds.
This pain that we must leave behind.

Because what connects us may destroy us.
Love.
And yet we cling to hope.
This beautifully tormented humanity,
will make its grand escape.

Because what connects us will save us.
446 · Sep 2017
Let him be
Rose Amberlyn Sep 2017
if you love him, let him be.
Do not over analyze his words
Or his message.
Do not grow sour in a silence,
Do not fall cold in stories past.
Accept him for who he is,
Human.

There is no perfect man.
There is your man.
Let him say what he wants,
Let him think how he does.
If you love him, let him be.

He may not be an open book,
Or a romantic poem,
But when he shares his mind,
I could listen forever.

Those eyes that lock with mine,
In every movement,
In the quiet,
Or in between the covers.
Those are the eyes I see,
Even when mine are closed.

So I love him. And I let him be.
If he treats you with love and shows only loyalty.
Then please just love him. And let him be.
A reminder to girls that not all guys are bad news. And if you have a good one, treat him like one.
441 · Feb 2013
You Were My Only Sunshine
Rose Amberlyn Feb 2013
A heavy cloud filled with disbelief hovers over my small being,
seeping sadness,
raining false hopes and secret lies.
The sun I held on to so tightly,
was merely a rain cloud in a brightly lit mask.
You were my only sunshine.
And now you'll rain on me,
*forever.
I don't understand why some things in life happen. But even if they end badly, I'm very glad they did happen.
435 · Nov 2017
Again
Rose Amberlyn Nov 2017
White smudges like maps line the walls.
Crinkled bills sit on the counter.
The shades have wiped away the sun.
And humming drifts through the room,
Without a greeting.

Air sits thick upon the chest.
A pencil skipping skillfully to the tune,
Of Rosemary Clooney.
A single bead of moisture glides towards the desk.

One single tear of a paper takes us from Monday to Tuesday.
And it's here we find ourselves.
Again and again and again.

Until everything changes once again.
433 · Mar 2016
Memory
Rose Amberlyn Mar 2016
Sometimes I wonder if I'm just a memory.
How many people remember me,
in past tense?
All the lives I've entered and spoken, and laughed and seen.
The people I've dreamt of, and who have dreamt of me.

And now I'm in the present.
And I can't help but see, all the lives I've exited.
Just a face in a memory.
433 · Jan 2013
A Dollar for my Heart
Rose Amberlyn Jan 2013
My heart is like a dollar bill.
It is something of worth that passes,
from one person to the next.

Will I be spent,
or will I be saved?
And if I am saved,
how long will my stay be?

I cannot hold onto one
person.
Because in such a short time,
I could be passed down the line,
to the next.

But over time,
I will be spent.
No one wants to save a dollar,
forever.
Rose Amberlyn Dec 2016
The sweetest nectar,
The most sour twist.
The warmest hope,
The ice left behind to thaw.

Why is it we have to lose it all,
to gain so much more.

I don't recognize this face in the mirror.
This freshly polished complexion.
I picture the 6 year old me at my side.
Looking up at me.  

My suitcase in hand.

I hope she would smile.
This adventure is for you, kid.

xoxo
429 · Nov 2017
Untitled
Rose Amberlyn Nov 2017
Close those eyes,
That sting and drip.
Slow the breath,
That shakes and quivers.
Calm the heart,
That yells and groans.

This body is only skin and bones.

Like twinkling lights,
The soul will show,
unto the room.
428 · Aug 2013
We are Saved
Rose Amberlyn Aug 2013
A warm hand holds the world in all of its sadness.
Sins, hypocrisy and deceit come alive as the night falls like a curtain in a theater.
Leaving only darkness.
And yet every new dawn the everlasting light endures.
We wake up and greet the day knowing that we are protected.
We are loved eternally.
We are saved.
And the darkness that surrounds us is not really our home.
424 · Jun 2014
The Forest
Rose Amberlyn Jun 2014
The rustle of the forest stirs me in the middle of the night.
I awake to moonlight glowing through the tent.
A quiet falls over everything in a dark velvet wave.
"Wake up," I whisper into the gray light.
No reply.
"Please wake up!" I yell out.
Nothing.
"WAKE UP," I try one last time.
I suddenly hear a muffled laughter.
"Unbelievable!"

"You have a bad dream?"
"No, I just can't sleep. It's too quiet."
No reply.
"STOP THAT."
More laughing.
421 · May 2014
Wandering Secrets
Rose Amberlyn May 2014
Golden grains of sand gliding along the bottom of the sea.
They understand the depths of the earth.
But we cannot.
Ladybugs perched on idle blades of grass.
They see the world in its vast height.
But we cannot.
These eyes that see, deceive us.
We see what we want.
We cannot comprehend with our vision so blurred.
The wandering secrets of the world.
Curled up in corners, unfolding in meadows.
But can we see them?
415 · Dec 2019
Fresh piece of gum
Rose Amberlyn Dec 2019
A foggy brain,
And stale breath.
Sticky cups cover the coffee table.
A snapshot of past events.
A long list of goals for the days to come.
Wishes, wants.
Not this year.

The suburban checklist I never wanted,
Has been checked off.
But I'm grateful.

A new year really just symbolizes healing,
From all the hurt,
From the year before.

A new piece of gum.
Fresh.
411 · Jun 2017
life
Rose Amberlyn Jun 2017
It's in the dirt smudged into the lobby rug,
And hidden in cobwebs under the stairs.

It's drizzling down the side of tall buildings,
It's wafting towards us in the air.

It's in calloused hands and drying mouths,
It's in every grimace and every pout.

It's life.

You may not like it.
You may turn from it in disgust.
But it's in you.

The same specs of sunlight you crave,
Crawl in the night.

It's the stuff of life.
And it's in you.
410 · Mar 2016
Ghost
Rose Amberlyn Mar 2016
Imaginary pillow talk.
Do you talk to me when I'm not there?
I picture your mood.
The weight of your day washing over your face.

These trees are changing colors.
The sea is moody and unforgiving.
This constant stream of thumping.
In its strong persistence.

Imagine ten years from now.
The trees still change, the sea still stings
And the pillow talk still whispers,
Silently.

But everything's changed, and you never would have guessed.
Our imaginary dreams are only second best.
404 · Sep 2019
Silk of Night
Rose Amberlyn Sep 2019
I love the orange glow,
That falls before the night.
The warm and golden hue,
That blows out all the light.

So you and I can lay,
And feel each other close.

Each breath you exhale,
A whisper on my lips.
Each sigh that escapes,
Your grip tightens on my hips.

Covered in the silk of night.
And hidden out of sight.
403 · Nov 2013
I let go
Rose Amberlyn Nov 2013
He invited me to come see his play tonight. It should have been lovely.
Instead I pulled over on the side of the highway afterwards to sob.
His parents were all there. All four of them.
One waved sheepishly, one looked on disapproving and another was surprised.
The last didn't look at all.
I cannot say I blame them. I did break up with him for a second time two months ago.
I don't know why I am so fickle.
Something must be wrong with me.
This was a mistake though. I will not go anymore. I will not show anymore.
I subject myself to sadness like this because due to my guilt I feel...
I deserve it.
He messaged me after the show to find me and say hello.
I had already hidden behind the crowd and ran out the back door to my car.
After holding everything in for a while,
tonight on pacific coast highway under the glimmering street lights,
with the ocean lapping up the tide,
in my car on the side of the road,
I let go.
400 · Mar 2016
From the shore
Rose Amberlyn Mar 2016
Salt kissed lips,
Sun spanked hips,
The waving ocean hits and hits,

The shore.

And the sand sitting bodies crave more.
394 · May 2017
I think of you.
Rose Amberlyn May 2017
It's in the quiet.
Surrounded by buildings,
or in the midst of high rising trees.
The absolute silence.
I think of you.

Do you think of me?

My thoughts are haunting me.
No amount of time can take it away.
It's when I'm alone.
And I think of all that happened.
All that went wrong.

It's been a while.
But I can still feel the tears coming in hot.
Before I stop them.
It's in the quiet.

I think of you.
391 · Sep 2015
Best When Bare
Rose Amberlyn Sep 2015
Sometimes it hurts too much to care,
To trust all things on which they swear.
But melting wick still needs it's flare,
And kindled heart is best when bare.
I will not blow out
389 · May 2017
grab a ticket, get in line
Rose Amberlyn May 2017
Hundreds of people in one single line.
I find myself at the end.
Standing on tippy toes to see above the crowd.
Some don't even know what they're waiting for.
Others know far too well.

This isn't my first time in line.
I see a sea of one hundred faces.
One becoming more blurry than the next.
But eventually, my turn will come.

And I can only order.
With no control at all,
over what you serve.
388 · Jun 2017
goosebumps.
Rose Amberlyn Jun 2017
Small little bumps rise with the hair,
on my skin.

With each soft breath,
with each cool breeze,
you leave me shivering.

Barely any light to see them there,
only moving skin and tangled hair.

But in the still of it all,
you give me goosebumps.
387 · Nov 2013
Play Ball
Rose Amberlyn Nov 2013
Everyone I touch ends up hurting.
My aim is high, but my throw is low.
Right in his stomach, actually.
Knocking the wind out of him.
Again.
384 · Sep 2017
Doubt.
Rose Amberlyn Sep 2017
To become so self aware that you can feel everything.
I can see myself from outside my body.
Except it's all a lie.

The shape of my body,
The curve of my hips,
The palor of my skin,
The frown paste to my mouth.

This walking lie.

The way people stare at me with disgust.
The faces they make when I look away.
All the awful things they've got to say.
All imagined.
All lies.

Why do you hurt yourself?
Who told you these things happened?

When you've lost trust in every person you will find only sorrow.
There is beauty in pain.
And trust is pain.
But you are not shattered glass.
So you will not act like it.

This paranoia will eat you alive.
This unhappiness will swallow you whole.
This beautiful girl you stole.
From me.

I haven't forgotten her.
I will find her.
383 · Feb 2017
an invisible theory
Rose Amberlyn Feb 2017
Some refer to love as pure magic.
This invisible hold on your heart,
that mends and burns and quenches.
Some refer to it mindlessly -
others with deep and meticulous thought.

May I dare to say, that it does not exist?
This harmonious bond between two people.
In so many forms, and so many ways,
our idea of love will fall apart.

It is nothing but a symbol, nothing but a great hope,
nothing but a promise, nothing but a commitment,
nothing but a feeling, nothing but a word.

And without it, where would you be?
Without it, who would you have?

You.

So if this thing called love did exist,
who decides what it means?

An individual, or the collective?

Or you?

So the definition of two people,
bonded by the soul, by the heart, by the body, by the mind -

is defined by one.

And we wonder why it doesn't last.
381 · Jan 2016
Thank you
Rose Amberlyn Jan 2016
Calloused hands grip the golden shine of pride.
A dull green barrell, and three shining plugs.

Thank you.

White hair receding back to yester years.
Memories standing strong on the front line.
No tears.

Thank you for your service.

Sitting in a rocking chair,
watching the birds flutter past the glass.

A long life lived,
a short life passed.
381 · Sep 2013
Garden
Rose Amberlyn Sep 2013
It all started in a garden,
the grievances show no favor in time.
Amongst beautiful flowers and tall grasses.
There is pain in beauty,
there is trouble in love,
and yet there is hope.
It will end in a garden.
Where the red roses grow.
What I do in class...
379 · Mar 2013
Little Darling
Rose Amberlyn Mar 2013
Little darling sit and take a look at your world
The greens, blues, reds, oranges, yellows and the swirls
Can you believe you know me out of all of those on Earth?
Can you see through the lies and realize what you're worth?
The crystal clear, the bright and light and the diamonds here you find
That all those flaws and wrongs you hear are only in your mind
So smile, raise your head
Forget the things they said
Don't look down, just watch the trees and buildings overhead.
I wrote this in 2011. Some things don't change.
379 · May 2016
Apology
Rose Amberlyn May 2016
I'm sorry I threw us away.
I'm sorry I forgot our love so quickly.
I'm sorry I never called.
I'm sorry I'm not sad.

You never listened to me.
You heard me, through closed ears.
I fell out of us in April of last year.
And you listened for the first time in April.
Of this year.

I'm sorry.
But I can't apologize.
375 · Feb 2020
At home in the grass
Rose Amberlyn Feb 2020
I feel the grass between my toes,
Beneath my feet.
I feel the air flow,
Through my lungs.
Into my soul.
I smell the sweet,
Calming scent of nature.

I am made of dirt and water.
I am no different from the grass.
We may try to seem,
Sophisticated,
Superior,
But we are nothing,
Without this earth.

So I stand on the grass.
And I feel comforted.
I feel at home.
374 · Jan 2019
Straight line
Rose Amberlyn Jan 2019
There’s no such thing as triangles,
Or circles,
Or squares.
It’s a straight line,
Straight ahead you can stare.

There’s no backwards or sideways,
There’s no sudden curves.
There’s only then and now,
And heart and nerves.

So take a step. Then take two.
And watch as the line moves forward.
370 · May 2017
close your eyes and wish
Rose Amberlyn May 2017
She was leaning against the white stucco wall with a cigarette between her teeth.
Her long black skirt kissed the concrete as she fidgeted.
No one would ever call her innocent.
No one called her sweet.
She blew a thin cloud of smoke into the air.
It swayed in the wind and curled around her hair.
She closed her eyes and waited.
16 long years had gone by since her beginning.
If she wished hard enough, maybe another 16 would go by in a blink.

The photograph of her sits on the rickety table in her very first apartment.
A freshly burned cigarette stews in the ash tray on the table.
She smiles, looking at herself. Knowing what she thought then.
Knowing what she knows now.
She closes her eyes and waits. For another 16 years to pass her by.
369 · Jul 2014
Restless
Rose Amberlyn Jul 2014
Everything remains the same,
and in the old I begin to fidget.
I yearn for new smells and visions.
I need new places,
new faces.

Being in the doldrums washes me out,
like a tide rising by the moon.
I feel wrung out to dry,
my shoulders dangling from clothes pin lines.

I can't sit still,
as if I sit upon pins and needles.
I can't breathe out,
only in.
I need to move,
to begin again.

I am restless.
I need an adventure.
And yet, here I wait.
Hanging from a fish hook,
I am merely bait.

But what I will pull in I do not know.
366 · May 2016
16
Rose Amberlyn May 2016
16
Jean skirts torn from wear,
Lipstick smudged, tangled hair.
Where have you been all night?

A smile left over from the fall.
Glasses clutter countertops.
No idea where tomorrow is.

And I'm 22.
And I'm not with you.
But I'm going to be.

And I'm listening to Ingrid,
sipping black coffee,
daydreaming,
And I'm 16.
365 · Dec 2018
you can't hear me in here
Rose Amberlyn Dec 2018
you can't hear me
i've grown so small,
it's hard to see.

the feelings have tripled,
they swim around me,
mouths opened wide,
gulping me whole.

i'll sit here in the dark,
thinking about my heart,
and wait for my breath to escape me.
364 · May 2014
Whole Hole
Rose Amberlyn May 2014
The people that know you don't really know you.
                    Unless you want them to.
Why let in that groggy blur to the clearness in your mind?
Why seep down in grimy mud and force yourself to bind?
That dull ache and restless shake that ponders in your soul,
will only cut you, marr you, rattle you and leave you with a
                                    hole.
363 · Apr 2015
Set Me Free
Rose Amberlyn Apr 2015
Oh, I'm keen of heart,
not sound of mind.
I'm a ticking clock,
running out of time.

To trust my gut or trust his possible lies,
where does too much work,
cross the line?

Shouldn't I be happy,
Should it feel so wrong,
when alone I stumble,
and together I'm blind.

Longing to be happy,
to ignore all signs,
wanting his love so badly,
leaving doubts behind.

Paranoia takes over,
washed in dreary thoughts,
Anxious kneeding of my stomach,
and my love the greatest cost.
361 · Mar 2015
Untitled
Rose Amberlyn Mar 2015
I long to get lost under the setting sun,
it's golden glow filling me whole,
making me full,
warming my spirit.

Shared sunlit kisses in a soft summer wind,
not even knowing where to begin.

The birds circling above,
the sand brushing by below.

My heart's been filled,
and we've no where better to go.
359 · Jun 2021
Gatekeeper
Rose Amberlyn Jun 2021
I'll always give my all for you.
I'll always protect you.

A wavering candle trying to stay lit.
Darkness trying to swallow me whole.
To set my smokey haze upon the room.

Even in the darkness I'd see you.
Even in the quiet I'll hear you.
Even in my deepest fears, I'll hold you.

I know not how to be a stone wall.
To keep all monsters out.
Aren't guardians supposed to?
To know the fear that those before must have faced,
Is heart sickening.
The fortress we thought we were sheltered in,
Was just a picket fence.
And now I stand.
Wood shaking in the wind.
Guarding.
I cry, I scream, I bellow into the storm.
You cannot have my little girl.

I will not let you.




Anxiety is mourning every possibilty.
I wear all black.
I walk in the sun, and see nothing but shade.
1 in, 1 out
354 · Jan 2019
Story
Rose Amberlyn Jan 2019
Floral sheets spread tight over the bed.
Raindrops singing, falling on your head.
Tall shady trees breaking up the light.
Small crystals falling, such a pretty sight.

And it’s just you and me,
And the breeze from the sea.

And it’s just books and tea,
And serendipity.

And it’s all making sense.
Rose Amberlyn Nov 2016
I don't like to write about you,
And wear my heart out on my sleeve.
Because no matter how I want you,
It never could be.

I've never been yours.
And yet I feel I have.

I don't like to get my hopes up,
I don't like to be that girl.
Who is blinded by her hope and lost within her heart.

But you make me want more.
You won't let me settle.
And I ignore it for the most part.
Until I can't.

You create a storm in the smallest of words.
You change my whole mood with one look.

And even when I wonder,
If the chase is what you're after,
I find it doesn't matter either way.

There's something wild about not knowing.
352 · Aug 2015
Only Reflection
Rose Amberlyn Aug 2015
She saw her rosey figure, looking back
through the reflective glass.
Five small fingers waving.
And no one else.

She walks through the crowd.
In her prettiest sundress.
And her hair freshly brushed.
For no one to see.

And when she cries.
Sitting on her bed in the crinkled sheets.
Who will see?

Every small tear that falls, whispers
"notice me"

The girl in the mirror wipes away her tear,
That's alright, dear
I'm still here.
348 · Oct 2015
Blushing Waters
Rose Amberlyn Oct 2015
Blushing water stirs,
underneath the willow,
floating, floating
flying.

gone.
344 · Nov 2012
I Can't.
Rose Amberlyn Nov 2012
I can't breath.
I push him away and he pushes back 5 times harder.
He is wonderful.
I am so afraid.
I am not strong.
I am an emotional wreck.
I don't want him to see.
I can't let him know.
He got me.
I can't think.
341 · Mar 2018
Reminder
Rose Amberlyn Mar 2018
My mistakes are tattooed into my skin,
Reflected when your eyes meet mine,
And there's no turning back.

I hear it in your voice,
Your cologne hanging in the air,
The way you talk to me,
The way I nervously rustle my hair.

What we did won't go away.
And I still want you.

The memory hitting my heart,
Like a hard smack.
The picture in my head,
Of you laying on your back.
341 · Dec 2018
fear
Rose Amberlyn Dec 2018
I realize what the problem is now.
Underneath all of my layers lies a cloud of fear.
In less than a year, I've been hit
heartbreak, death, guilt, shame,
people's disappointment with me.

My disappointment with me.

it's the fear of the next blow,
about falling further down the rabbit hole,
about not seeing my way out,
about making my life shrink further away,
from beauty, love, happiness.

it's fear.

when I was 6, that little girl had no fear.
I was fearless, I was brave.
Now I stand digging my own grave.

how do I shut out the fear?
339 · Jul 2017
Unexplained
Rose Amberlyn Jul 2017
I just can't see why.
She whispers her unhappiness to me before she falls asleep.
But you have a beautiful life, I say.
To which she replies,
Why do I feel this way?

And I can't give her a good reason.

She is mopey and moody,
Unpleasant most times.
And I cannot console her,
Or waken her smile.

But some days she leaves and doesn't return.

This silent shadow that's haunting me,
Is really no person but lives within me.
339 · Oct 2015
e l o q u e n c e
Rose Amberlyn Oct 2015
reverberated eloquence

like a floor length gown

unrequited love

like an echoing sound

unwashed feelings

like a root within the ground

unpleasant after taste

that you can't wash *down
336 · Jan 2016
Hidden Among the Weeds
Rose Amberlyn Jan 2016
Somewhere across the vast field she found her soul,
hidden among the weeds, forgotten amongst the soil;

it glowed anyway.

As if a year was just a moment, and winter never yielded snow.
and in her solace she did know, it would always be this way.  

she would glow anyway.
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