You will not look at me.

Not even look at the brave face I practiced
Not look at the smile I painted
Not at the dry eyes I skillfully mastered

This mask I made for you to see
But still, you will not look at me
As if my fakeness, will mutilate the image you have of me

*I can tell you, it will.

charcoal.

yes

a soft substance

easily crushed,

manipulated.

must ensure,

i am not

sbm.

The walk to school this morning
was an interesting affair
we talked of life and jellybeans
as laughter filled the air.
Your cape it started flapping
In the sea shore breeze
You shouted you were flying
higher than the tallest trees.
You kicked a hundred pebbles up
to orbit round the moon
and on your head you placed a wig
of finest seaweed green.
Then as we approached the gates
you ran inside to play
your cape gone south
your wig askew
that's how you start your day.
The children all dressed neatly
hair parted, brushed and combed
but you my boy, in cape and wig
the finest of them all.

I call you for dinner
at the roast beef you glare
you sulk at the table
and kick at my chair
"I don't want it" you cry
"I hate veggies" you moan
but a young boy can't live on Mcnuggets alone!

You call me a meanie
you say it's not fair
to make you eat green stuff
"I won't eat it, so there!"

You hunch up your shoulders
arms crossed, lips shut tight
your stare is defiant
as you fight for your right
to eat what you want to
and do as you please
my 5 year old rebel
with scabs on both knees

You'll eat it eventually
and I'll secretly laugh
'cause round two is coming
I'm running your bath!

You're are red wine stains on my white linen sheets
You are the cavaties on my once clean teeth

You are the thread that I pull on my favorite sweater
A broken record promising to make this better

I've always been someone who knew when to walk away
But you are etched in my brain begging stay stay stay

I wish you never said hello and convinced me to dance
I wish i didn't ignore my sense and give you a chance

I love you,
no, she did
and the saddest thing is,
that you will never now
how perfect you were to her

You stepped in as an iridescent being
One impossible to compare
the one to whom she would have gave it all
even the things you're not supposed to give

because you touched parts of her
that didn't belong to her body
and she loved you
and she did it with madness
and she wanted to be happy
even though she knew you weren't completely real

because you wanted her
even more that how she wanted you
and these days
even when you do not speak anymore
she wonders how you are
and where you are

Because she remembers clearly
the last time you both spoke
it all was as flawless
as the golden number

and she didn't understand
until now
the reason why
when she told you "goodnight"
you repplied "goodbye"

and she looked for the photographs
of the old you
and she wept while she saw them
and since she still loved you
she was paralyzed by your memories

later she recalled
in the midst of her laugh
that she wanted to tell you all of these
and she was sad again

and even when the sun was up for you
she hoped you would remember her
she hoped that you would remember that you once wanted to stay
that you learned how to love her
and that you desired her

and she used to miss you so bad
so bad it hurted her

but she never felt that you missed her back
and after a while
she stopped missing you too

But I sincerely loved you
Sorry, she did.