DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO MEET YOUR GAZE WHEN IT MAKES ME SO VULNERABLE? DO YOU KNOW HOW INTIMATE YOUR EYES FEEL EVEN FROM ACROSS THE ROOM? DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY TIMES I'VE AVOIDED YOUR GLANCE IN FEAR OF THEIR INTRUSIVE WALTZ IN MY THOUGHTS? DO YOU KNOW HOW DIFFICULT IT IS WITHOUT TRULY KNOWING THEM?
DO YOU KNOW
DO YOU KNOW
DO YOU KNOW
you must know
you must know the ache in my skin that your stare leaves
you must know

dear God,
I know you get tired of the way I make these promises to change..
but God, I swear my sins are the only things that numb my pain..
sometimes I feel like you don't hear me though..
I mean, I be calling you and you don't even say 'hello'.
so reaching out seems futile to me.
cause at the end of it all, I still feel like nobody.
so I end up with some ***** that's not worth it in my draws.
or I end up throwing liquor back to hear people's applause.
I know you hear me some nights, sobbing uncontrollably.
because I wish.. I wish I didn't let the devil get a hold of me.
so hard to do good, so easy to do evil.
tryna right my wrongs before the chance is all gone..
all my life in church and Satan still got in.
and to be honest, I'M SCARED I CAN'T STOP HIM.
my momma always told me not to play with demons..
somebody wake me up PLEASE, I swear I'm dreaming.
blade to my wrist, I won't stop the bleeding..
but God, I know you hear me.. I know you see me pleading.
at this point, i just need something to believe in.

You are only my dad by blood not by association

Lust misted upon me.
It blinded my vision.
Affecting my 20/20 vision for you.

Secrets drenched my attire;
Weighing down my mind and body.
Making it difficult to keep up.

Lies rained down between us;
Creating a moat; separating us
Farther and farther apart.

A whirlwind of pleasure disguised
The destruction that was
Ultimately laying waste.

A tornado of guilt captures
Me up in its volatile tunnel;
Thrashing me about.

Truth floods us, dragging us
under; drowning the little life
Our relationship has left.

The drought of forgiveness
Results in the death
Of the future between us two.

I'm the misinterpreted bathroom decor, that you keep bumping into but dont bother to take down. Because I fill the cracks in your walls, even though I'm not a conversation piece. They still talk, and the faucets stay on and I drown and rust. While you pack up and leave. A permanent fixture, still hung up on you.

for every thought of you
i stole a kindling star
from the night sky
to keep the thought warm

until the moon
shattered shivering
from the starless cold

i saw my thieving hands
glittered with the heavens

they were not a galaxy of you
but a constellation of me

I've been searching
For the right words to say
My heart's aching
For you to stay
Since the day you walked away

I will internalize the words you say
I will memorize your lips and the way they fell perfectly in line with mine
I will hold you hand as an imprint on my heart
I will love you furiously and wildly like a melody grasped in music
I will do all of these things in outrageous outbursts
with honesty
With hope
And with the charitable idea of love
I will love you
Openly, honestly and heavily
I will open my mind and my ironic thoughts
I will
But in a twist of empty faith
You resigned from the will and charitable outburst found in music
The melody halted
As did our will
I will forever remember you
I will embrace the words you once said
I will remember the way your lips touched mine
I will remember your hand on my heart
I will endlessly and sadly remember the love
I will remember the song that always played in the back of your empty room
I will remember the thoughts that fired through my soul
I will always remember you-- *and I'll always remember our unexpected goodbye

Lonely, what is it? A feeling an emotion a trait in my DNA? Is this what life has planned for me? A full life of loneliness?
Is it an embarrassing feeling? or is it something we were all born to feel? But was the plan a day, a night or a life of loneliness?