the new year has already begun for me.
*what have you done to start helping yourself?
working out, seeing someone new, and the best grades I've ever had :)
family life is actually pretty amazing right now and iTS CHRISTMAS!
I'm just really happy, life is so good. i can't wait for what's in store for 2016.
your stories are getting sloppy like the smudged lipstick on your face, oh honey, don't you realize that intelligent people have better taste?
of course the first song that comes on is the one with a million memories...me singing to you in your car on the interstate as I hold your hand is such a lovely memory. oh well. it was nice knowing ya.
This isn't about anyone (the poem I mean). This is just something that came to me a second ago.
her kiss is like fire, and I want to **burn.
L<3 10 words
Inspired by MF
I saw what I wanted to see instead of what was right in front of me.
my heart aches for the pieces it has lost but
i simply cannot allow them to come back.
i still wouldn't be the same girl from
before even if they did.
tell me my heart is not broken and maybe ill be able to withstand these shards of glass being thrown at me from all directions.
she bought a star and named it after me
just so she could keep what
was rightfully hers in the
L<3 inspired by "Buy the Stars" by Marina and the Diamonds
I remember you
I'll always remember you
God only know what you think of me
But I remember you
And I am still me.
But are you still you?
and in the little time i have,
i write and write and write
and i fill up these notebooks with
apologies and old love letters
and mistakes and regrets and
wishes for the past,
the present, and
i should probably stop wasting that
little bit of time, i suppose.
or i could do something with it
"You're not going to change, huh?"
"You said a few months ago that people are born this way...why would it change when it comes to me?"
"I guess I didn't see this coming."
*"I've told you enough times, but you never listened."
Things are looking up
“Nothing, Everything, Anything, Something: If you have nothing, then you have everything, because you have the freedom to do anything, without the fear of losing something.”
you'll sneak in through my window once again and
you'll help me find myself,
or maybe someone
you acknowledged me again today,
but only momentarily.
and as I took out my math work I could
see you looking at me in the
corner of my eye.
as quick as you look at me,
you look away just as fast.
what are you thinking?
please just say something.
I called you after it had happened and while I was sitting in the bathtub in ice cold water watching the water drip from the faucet and as I let tears fall down my cheeks and as I scrubbed away what you did I tried my best to sound composed but I couldn't and that's why when you answered I hung up because I wasn't sure I could tell you of my shame and how scared I was and I was so afraid to let you in, because then you'd see a part of me you had yet to see and what if you wouldn't want me anymore because who wants a used and so severely broken little girl like me? I wouldn't be your little girl anymore and you wouldn't see me as a beautiful flower, but as a bunch of broken and dried up rose petals and there's so much more in the world besides someone like me and how could you stay with someone so repulsive I don't know I don't know I don't---
two different "you"'s in here (separate)
the "you" I tired calling is my rock, but I'm having a hard time opening up. it's so hard.
a relationship could be a place to hide too
Letting go sounds so
Easy in my dreams but
In real life it's
Harder than it
I've never had so much joy in my heart.
i feel so blessed
You know those movies where
when the girl walks in and she is
incredibly beautiful and
the boy she likes sees her
and he does something dramatic like
dropping whatever is in his hands or
stuttering on his words?
That just happened,
But to me.
Enjoying life without me,
Seems like you'd be just fine.
Come look for me in the bathroom,
I plan on getting something sharp baby.
Let my blood run dry and
My heart stop beating.
I didn't fall in love of coarse
It's never up to you
But she was walking back and forth
And I was passing through.
I noticed atfterward after I searched my poem on the Internet after I wrote it that it's already a poem... So um, I guess cheers to the guy who really made this? By Leonard Cohen
Sorry Leonard, didn't mean to steal it. :P
Being around him takes away the feeling of loneliness that I have known for quite some time now.
I am not lonely around him, not like how I have been around most people lately.
would art help me tame this beast or only add fuel to the fury in my fire?
im exhausted, does this make sense?
where do you go when those colors and that safe place isn't
i can't breathe
i do not have a home anymore
wait, what changed?
I can't keep up anymore.
I haven't cut in so long that
I miss the feeling of
something other then
the sadness I feel
isn't any reaction better than no reaction at all?
isn't feeling something better than feeling nothing at all?
maybe i shouldn't have, but at least you know now
how many times will i have to tell you that you can't have it both ways?
you wanted too much
and here i am
thinking of his hands.
i know what this means.
i only take what i can
his tongue moves
i can feel him in my
its been hours
and I'm still here
wondering if he is my
you said some days it'd hurt more than others and I guess that makes sense because looking into your eyes burned a hole in whatever is left of my heart.
Flashes of you go round and round in my mind--
Wisps of hair and the shine of the moonlight on your skin--
the sounds that escaped your mouth and
the way your back arched in the dark--
Words that you've said, or even lack thereof--
The love that held us together, even when things hurt too much--
And the end... the end where I shook with
sadness and fear of the oblivion that
you threw me into.
Will you remember the tears that ran down my face
and the words, *"Just one day more, please?"
i wont see you all summer.
i have your number but
i wont use it.
i miss you already.
It's funny how they all say they hate you behind your back, and the next thing you know, they want to be your friend.
It's hilarious, isn't it?
I'd laugh if I could
Where would you go for the end of the world?
say what's on your mind
you say you want us to be together but
I just say I want another hit.
Just let me keep my eyes closed
I keep saying no
because if I said yes,
then you'd end up like
lots of opportunities
just not willing to take them
no point in dreaming about the past
i have quite the future ahead of me
i want to inspire people
and i can't do that by being depressed
for the rest of my life
How can I miss you
when I barely even know
I'm content with being alone...
Maybe because I know it won't be forever.
Loneliness isn't fun but
That's not so bad.
Why do I want you so much but
I'm constantly hating myself for it?
My mind keeps running
Round and round
And it never stops
To take a rest
And think of you
In a good way.
you held my cold hand in yours and
I knew, I knew, I knew.
*(now I don't know)
lack of circulation or just a cold, hardened heart?
my muscles continue to ache
and my bones go on to break
but i am stronger than ever before
knowing my God is helping me soar.
i am in awe of you, i adore you, my love, my love, my love
And somehow through all of this chaos, I still think you're worth it.
Every single **** second of it.
and I've been talking about you like you're still the same
oh baby please let me tell you that I'm not the only one to blame
we're just two halves on this incredibly broken planet
just come home already, god ******
i have no idea what this is
God can change anyone and everything.
He already has.
Cause You're a Good, Good Father
and this too will end soon enough...
I just wonder when?
I'll always fall
we're not infinite, baby
none of us are
and I've always been drawn to you, but the timing has always been wrong.
it still is.
I found this in my notes from May 2015.
I wish I could remember who it was about, ugh
"He gives me the shakes, you know, and I want to see the world with him... I've never wanted that before."*
Oh boy, do I understand.
He makes me quiver with just his smile, and I've only just started becoming hopeful for my future again. No, not because of him. But, maybe the thought of him in my future makes things just slightly bearable. I have such a bright one, after all. Why shouldn't I be hopefully for the road ahead of me?
i want to know him and the way the summer sun shines on his skin
I'm just rambling and I'm absolutely exhausted, but insomnia calls and i answer, sadly.
I've quite mastered the art of unrequited love, can't you tell?
More from my drafts
“Pay attention to your enemies, for they are the first to discover your mistakes.”