Me and you could never be us
If we had been different people, maybe
But I am still me and you are still you
But then again the attraction was between me and you not him and her
And I know it was my fault
That makes sense
There is no I in us, after all
But I still think about if you weren’t you and I wasn’t me.

I would stop hating myself if you asked
My body would stop being a crime if you kissed it
My thoughts kind thinking about your eyes
My heart not a burden if you filled it
My brain not toxic when filled with your memories
My skin healed if you touched it
My soul repaired with your love
Your voice is a melody
Your very presence is my remedy

I can't breathe
This darkness is consuming me
I can't breathe
I am drowning in my misery
I can't breathe
I am blind in this void
I can't breathe
I am being pulled under by something
I cannot avoid

I hate the phrase
“You are only given what you can handle”
It negates everyone who has drowned in their pain
Everyone who is told they will burn for who they are
Everyone who was traumatized as a child
Everyone who has lost people to their demons
Everyone who has burned bridges to protect others
Everyone who goes through hell to keep fighting
You may be “only given what you can handle”
But you shouldn’t have to handle that

I can’t date men now
You took
I am scared of them touching me
And took
Their anger terrifies me
And took
What if they don’t listen
And took
What if they don’t ask
And took
What if they haunt me
And took
As your hands do

Do you ever feel like all you are is the sum of everything that ever happened to you?
All that I am is
My mother’s anger multiplied
My father’s pain cubed
My sister’s sadness squared
My grandpa’s emptiness added to my grandma’s spite
My grandmother’s love has to have my grandfather’s hate subtracted.
My happiness is divided by everyone who has left.

Tick tick
Life’s moving so fast
It’s making me motion sick
Tock tock
Why does my heart feel like a rock
Tick tick
I’m home
but homesick
Tock tock
Why can’t I turn back the clock

I mourn the person that is lost
The young mind i will never be again
But I know she is best
Encased in the coffin of time
No longer exposed to the harsh light of reality
Forever happy
Kept in the memories of the past

I am a liar
I lie everyday with the makeup I put on my face
With the prescription pills I take
I lie with the smile I keep in place
with my coping mechanisms that I use till I break
And with every turn
I feel my heart burn
Because all of this
Is a lie