i wish the memory
of you would go.
you need to leave my head.
there are no vacancies here.
did you hear me?
we're full.
get out of
my head.
nobody asked
you to be here.

I am the bad                                                                           you are the good
the sad                                                                                                 the happy
the angry                                                                                            the mellow
I see half-empty                                                                        you see half-full
                                      but we get along because
I have a piece of good                                                   you have a piece of bad
a piece of happy                                                                              a piece of sad
a piece of mellow                                                                        a piece of angry
a sight of half-full                                                               a sight of half-empty
a little of you                                                                                      a little of me

we can play house all that you want
but things won't be that perfect
we can pretend to forget
but i can't
we can play nice
but we're angry
we could be in the same room
and i'd wonder where you'd rather be
you could kiss me
but i wonder who you'd rather be kissing
and i'll say goodbye
because there's nothing i'd rather do.

Your selfish ways
My violent days
Your whispers in the dark
My shouts from the heart
Your mindless thoughts
My thoughtless mind
Have brought the end
Of us.
Stop pretending its the end of the world
I assure you, it isn't,
It isn't even close.

i hate to say it
but sitting in
Room A110
feels so empty
without you
next to me
or two tables in front of me.
i can’t see your smile or stare at the back of your head
you aren’t here anymore.
but the last time you were
you let me sleep on your shoulder
and listen to your music with you
and you kept an arm around me
it’s amazing how quickly
things fell apart and how quick you were
to leave.

the room is spinning
or maybe its just my head
things are pulling themselves apart
or maybe I'm just looking through a kaledascope
my mind is screaming
or maybe its just my mouth
my hands are searching
maybe looking for you.

i didn't want to be your ***** little secret

we shared one kiss and suddenly that's what i was.

a small smile in the crowded hallway

a secret meeting during class

a hope no one noticed you kiss my cheek

a hope no one saw us kissing on the stairs

a note in my binder

a secret no one needed to know.

me                                                                                                                    you
I trust too easily                                                           you trust slowly, deeply
I am broken                                                       you have not yet been touched
I throw myself into "love"                 you throw yourself into what you love
I believe what people say to me      you take everything with a grain of salt

my smile is a lie                                                                           you laugh truly
      but I love you                                                         and I hope you love me
                                         because i'd do anything you ask
                                         because you are more than a friend
                                             you are my sister
                                         and sisters stay.

do you remember the first time you saw me cry?

we were outside

when we should have been inside with our friends

you were on top of me

hurting me

i told you to stop

pushed your shoulders

and when i pushed you off

i walked away

zipped up my jeans

fixed my shirt

and started crying hard

you came up behind me and i wiped the tears quickly

hoping you wouldn't notice

the way my body shook

and i could barely walk in a straight line

all i wanted to do was scream

but you put your jacket around me

and promised not to hurt me again.

you whispered my name in the dark

i heard you over the sounds of the bonfire

over the football team being obnoxious

i didn't want to answer you

but you sounded scared

as i laid under the stars

in the cool grass

with my eyes closed

my body shaking

my mind remembering too many things.

If I had died..
you would have to live with the guilt
the guilt of knowing
you killed me.
maybe you’d eventually
forget me
replace me
let go of that guilt.
but maybe,
when you look at her
in just the right lighting
you see my face
instead of hers
or you look at your daughter
and remember that you helped me pick
what ours would have been named
or maybe when you see roses or the moon
you’ll remember my tattoos and how badly I wanted them and how I always wanted more of them
and maybe you’d feel guilty again.

please, i'll beg you

don't go

don't leave me

don't throw me away

even if i tell you to

don't listen to me

I'm wrong

i need you

more then you know.

if you could read my mind

you wouldn't hear anything

my thoughts have been missing

all i have and stupid memories

on a good day you'd catch me thinking about the first time we kissed

on a bad day you'd have to deal with the nightmare of my memories.

broken bottles, broken doors, broken dreams

hole in the wall, hole in my heart

the way she abandoned me, the way i abandoned everyone

and i'm sorry if you see this

i wish you couldn't.

you make me want to scream

loud, unrecognizable words

escaping my throat

but I could never scream loud enough

for you to hear

so instead I write

letting the paper catch my thoughts

before they reach you.

it has been weeks since we have spoken

but I'm just discovering that we're broken




you didn't listen to my cries

and planned my demise




said goodbye to me

locked the door, threw the key.




put me on a shelf

so I could forget about myself




and watch a baby with her innocence

while I commit my sins.




and you can watch in fear while

I go the mile




to be there for Lacey

they way you used to be there for me.

do you know the feeling
when people do not believe you?
they do not believe you could ever be
so sad
that you wanted to die
and they laugh in your face
and blame you
and tell you to stop being so dramatic?
well, i'm not being dramatic.
i just want to disappear off the face of the earth
and have no memories remain.
so that my mother would never mourn the daughter she longed for
and my brothers would learn to protect their daughters when the time comes and not a second earlier
and my sisters wouldn't have had to grow up so quickly to raise me
and you would not be in love with someone as careless as me.

what we had was not love
what we had was insanity
it was rough kisses
hair pulling
pushing and pulling
taking what you wanted
and giving what I needed
it was obsession
calling and texting
checking in
finding me when I wasn’t lost
making sure I wasn’t getting over you
it was heartbreak
you leaving in the hardest time of my life
leaving me alone to mourn the loss of two people

that night

when i pushed you back

and i got up

and walked away

crying

you ran up to me

mistaking my shaking

for being cold

and wrapped your jacket

around my shoulders

which made me cry harder

because i didn't understand

how you could hurt me

and then be so sweet.

some nights i just wanted to scream

you robbed me of feeling

and i let you

night after night

you took my hope,

turned it to pain

and made sure it never ended

but before i fell asleep

i would remind myself that you loved me

and i loved you too

i tried to be what you wanted

and what you needed

but i'm just the opposite of both.

every day, i warned you

about me.

about how I'd fight with you

how I'd keep quiet when i hurt

how I'd lose myself and hide.

but you never warned me about you.

about how you'd hurt me

in more ways than i could imagine.

how you could slap me in the face

and fight back

and blame everything on me

and leave me feeling empty and useless.

but you always had me crawling back, didn't you?

Sister

not so long ago

i trusted you

and i looked up to you

believed everything you told me.

i knew you weren't perfect.

but you were perfect for me

you laughed with me

sometimes at me

but i laughed along with you.

i tried to do the best i could

i tried to be what you needed

i thought i was doing well

but not well enough i guess.

and you left me out on the corner in the pouring rain

and we both know i’ll stay there

until you come back.

that night in the dewy grass is long gone

but i remember how the cold nipped at us

the wind pushed my hair in every direction

you held my cold hands in yours

you laughed with me at my lame jokes

and you kissed me

it wasn't the first time

but it was different

and i liked it.

but all it took was

one push,

a shove, really,

that made it all

come crashing

down. and when i found the strength to

push you,

you snapped.

you might wonder why

i never write poetry

about you.

maybe you don't.

but i'll tell you anyways.

i can only explain pain,

my own stories of suffering.

you make me happy and i can't explain that.

i can't explain how i get butterflies when you grab my hand

or kiss me

or when you put your hand in my hair while you're kissing me.

i can't explain why you make me smile so much.

you do something idiotic and it's adorable to me.

i can't explain why i trusted you so quickly,

i feel pretty stupid for doing it

but i don't regret it.

you make me happy

and i just can't explain that.

every night you'd leave me

and I'd feel useless and forgotten.

you wanted me for one thing and

you hadn't even gotten it in the end

so i guess i win

even though sometimes it feels a lot


more like i'm losing.

laying in the cold wet grass

with you on top of me

whispering things i didn't want to hear

telling you to stop

and trying to push you away

and i started crying

it was the first time you saw me cry

and you just watched.

i tried hard to explain myself to you.


but i could never find the right words.

    and you never wanted to listen to me anyways.

remember when I left?

you said ‘okay’

didn’t question

why

or ask what had changed between us

but I want to tell you anyways

it was not you

and it was not me

it was him

he pulled me out of you

so that I could fall into him

and although sometimes I hate him

I have to thank him

for taking me away

from you.

the first time you left me

i knew i should have let you

but i thought i needed you

and who could love someone like me?

so, i crawled back,

apologizing, crying and taking all the blame

and you let me

and you took me back

i might have been happy

if i could have remembered what happy was.

remember the morning

you shouted

"i’m done"

and I cried?

I cried and

whispered that

i’d be okay with it

if that was what

you really wanted

and you yelled

"yes! yes, this is what I want!"

and I hung up on you.

but I still can’t

get your voice out of my head

those two words

over and over

"i’m done"

whatever you do,

don't fall in love with me

i'm broken

bruised and scarred

too familiar with pain

i'm lost in a nightmare

a world of my own creation


and it seems an though i can't be found.

do you know how you took me from myself?

i lost myself in you and your words

your words were drugs and i became so addicted

and you mistook it as love

but we both know how you can't handle love from a broken girl

so you ran

right into

her arms.

before you were in my life

i wasn't a person who cared very much

about anything

i didn't care about myself

and i didn't care about anyone else

but then you came along

and made me realize

that not everything was bad

and if you could love me despite the things I've done

i have a live worth living

without you i would have hurt

my best friend, who shares everything with me

my mother, who tries her hardest for me

my brothers, who can't take anymore pain

my sister, who left, but came back for me.

if you hadn't came along

i wouldn't have met the people i love

it never fails

to amaze me

at how quickly

things change.

one minute,

someone’s there

then they’re gone.

one minute,

they care

the next they don’t give a ****.

one minute,

they’re screaming they love you

the next they’re whispering in the dark

telling you to leave

and i’ve learned a lesson here,

don’t trust anyone

because no one

can put up with

my endless ****.

I wish you could just figure it out

but instead

you’d rather make me suffer

though this pain

and, I know

you’re hurting too

but don’t you know

if you just fixed this

you would stop

hurting yourself

and me.

i used to look forward

to the one class i had with you

but now i dread it only wishing for it to come

so it can go.

my legs start shaking and my heart and mind

start racing

competing to see who can

go faster.

i can hardly breathe

and i feel like i might

die

and if i did

i wouldn’t mind

maybe i could find some peace

and i wouldn’t have to go to

Room A110

to spend an hour

staring at the back of

your head

wishing you would turn around and see me, staring

and realize that you shouldn’t

have left me.

i see the way you've hurt me

used me when you needed me

and forgot me when you didn't

now that i'm no use to you

because of distance

you're trying to throw me away

but i still try to win you back

because i love you

whether you hurt me

or not.

"stop"
"no you *****"
"i said stop! get off!"
"you deserve this"
"get off of me!"
"you're a tease"
"you said you loved me"
"i do love you"
'then get off of me!"
"no this is what you wanted"
"no it isn't this isn't what i wanted get off of me!"