A lot of poets are smithing words
in the middle of the night.
A new tunnel of memories and feelings
are being made every second.
And as a poem written in blank letters.
I will soon be forgotten. Drowned.
In the ocean of  poetry.

I wish I had you here, but it turns out I’m writing another sad love poem
year after year it’s all the same
except this time i take the blame
for letting myself get hurt
i knew all along this would be my fate
i still don’t know you although
time went by
and i no longer have you by my side
you never knew me either
although you thought you did
i figured you weren’t that interested
in learning of my life, my story
and you were the one i wanted to share it all with
but all things must come to an end
just like you and your pretend
to this day i don’t know if your love was real
coming from how you made me feel
i’m sad but also liberated
that i don’t have to handle more chains
but as the months go by we’ll both eventually change
it’s not like we knew each other anyways

It was never easy,
To love and maybe find somebody
Who would love
The whole.

What was unique?
You may ask with small verses
And even with rhymes.
But it was never easy
To fall, to tilt or to even glance
Right at the person you knew was enough.


It was never easy,
To stand up, look up and even breathe,
Because maybe you think that
Someday in this dark world,
There would someone
Enough for you.
And who would be
Satisfied with who you are.

But, for me, it was never easy,
thinking that someday, he would love someone more than I could.
And maybe in that someday, we are both in each other's arms, wishing that was never today.

And it was never easy,
to heal your wounds, scratch the old skin, form a new life..
But all of that pain and suffering,
Offers a brighter tomorrow.


And maybe in that someday,
*You'll find the love that was always yours.

There once was a girl.
Full and free.
There once was a girl.
That girl was me.

She was happy and loved.
Her heart was content.
Her one wish in life
Was a life well spent.

She succeeded and soared
Climbed to new heights.
A bright future ahead
For which she set her sights.

Gradually things slowed.
For time passes by.
She grew and grew
Unsure how or even why.

Suddenly she felt lost,
Without purpose or meaning.
And although, things were good
Only sadness she was feeling

She was a broken girl
At a mere 22
She was a broken girl
And so very lost too.

Unhappy in her job,
searching for her place.
It's not what she had planned
Looking for her space.

She was lonely in every sense.
Even with family and friends.
She had a broken heart
For no one could ever mend.

She longed for love
And in 22 years,
She hadn't found anyone,
She only found tears.

This girl felt guilty
For feeling this so
She had a great life
Why did she feel so low?

This girl didn't give up
And this girl never will
She will always keep searching
For her happy ending still.

I am the queen of what ifs
Sitting on a throne of could've beens

My fears are my loyal subjects
Escorting my dreams to the gallows

My ambitions are now prisoners
To my court of procrastination

I, the queen
Reign over all of this regret

I want to be inspiring,
I want to love and let go of the past,
But I can never do that if I keep a grudge the size of a mountain burried deep in my chest,
Waiting to come out,
I act like it doesn't bother me now,
But in reality,
The sad truth about myself is that,
I want them to feel what its like,
To wanna rip their own hearts out,
Like they do to me,
And I am ashamed of myself for that reason,
I tell myself I'll never be like them,
But sometimes I think I'm worse,
It's that grudge that I hold in my heart,
Waiting to envelope me in pain and bitterness,
Like shivering in fear of the dark as a child,
Laying in bed waiting for that monster to eat you alive the moment you fall asleep,
And sometimes I think I want them to feel that,
But,
I can’t be that cruel,
I can’t put anyone through,
What I’ve gone through,
'Cause,
I know how it wears on a person,
I know the fake smile,
Over gritted teeth,
I know the demon screaming behind their eyes,
Because I’ve felt that,
I’ve walked that walk,
It’s a hole,
You crawl your way out,
Than they push you back in,
Every time you take a step up the hole just get bigger,
And they continue to throw more dirt over you,
And bury you deeper,
And deeper,
A battle of oppression and lonliness,
Keeping quiet,
But wanting to scream,
Wanting to release the way you feel without the risk of standing out,
So you find ways to get that release,
Singing,
Drawing,
Running,
Me?
I write,
I write to hold back that real release,
To hurt them,
Like they hurt me,
So I sit back,
And in detail,
Write it out,
Grammatical sentences,
Spilled out onto blue lines,
Letting out,
Pent in Anger,
Regret,
Sorrow,
Whatever it may be,
But it keeps me sane,
If I even have that,
Sanity,
My conscious is wearing thin,
I'm getting to where,
I  don’t care anymore,
So if I let out a last breath,
Staring at the moon,
Would it matter to anyone?
Will it make an impact?
Or will my last words be a forgotten melody with time,
Crashing into crescendos,
Lost in the moment we realize,
Is any of this worth the risk?
I don’t know the answer,
And that's why I still try,
I wanna meet a boy,
And change his life,
I wanna meet a girl,
And help her see another day,
And if that’s what keeps me from letting go,
Then God help me hold onto it,
With my tightest grip,
I refuse to go,
As another helpless person,
Staring into the sky,
I wanna go as someone who,
Gave their all,
But just fell a lil short