and nowadays i am exhausted. as if, in my youthful years, my body has given up. a sickly, ghastly pain keeps me awake 'til daylight. and now i forget those dreaded nights just to replace them with sweat-filled frights, for when i lay to rest there is no more escape from the ghost in my gaze...

And here i sit again,
in my cluttered, darkening room
clean clothes hang off my bed,
falling rather soon

it hasn't been cleant in months now
as I live out of a bag
that hasnt been set out since
I went back to live at my dad's

and I look at a list that's longer than a symphany
of things I have to do
at an assignment I haven't yet started
that tomorrow it is due

I sit in a chair that's hardly comfy,
and sink down to the floor
in an attempt to get myself going,
to think, which i abhor

but i then drift back to the carpet,
staring at a blank poem document
wanting such valued words to flow
but i just run into hard cement

and just as the days go by
through school, appointments, and houses,
nothing changes with my mood
and clear thoughts become ever clouded

so i stay up until the sun starts to rise
and get ready for school
and less than three hours later
I'm back to the rules

And, i tell myslef each morning,
just as i did at night
that i need to stop doing these things
just need to turn off the light

then my jaw clenches so tightly
that I'm afraid my teeth may split
and my stomach feels so knotted
caused from something deep within
and they tell me to just keep waiting
'til things go from thick to thin,
but, I tell you, they just don't get it,
this is nothing that transmits

it's anger
a burning wave of fury
spreading like wildfire through my blood
the sheer stupidity and irrationality of people these days
the hypocritical religious
the self-justifiers
decency is no more
and i would never say it aloud
but these people's self-absorbed *******
is justifying my reasons
to see their heads split

its 4 o'clock on a thursday morning
i never went to bed
i suppose, maybe, because i was pouring
this tar all out of my head

splashing and splintering that white, stainless floor
that beautiful, cryptic roar
then subsides with the fire
as i wait to expire

for my memories are fleeting
and there never was a cure
that magical fix i've been seeking
was only a dreamy lure

and i think my brain might've followed
that tar's gentle roar
and my heart, it left me there hollowed
as it lept right out the front door

I know I've said it a hundred times and I know you've heard it even more, but I'm tired. and the funny thing is, i can't even sleep, let alone eat, and i lose all focus despite what all I've seen:

with heavy hearts and heavy minds, we lift our sleepy eyes. towards a sky above all dim and grey festering wounds to our decay. weighted down by the things not seen and thoughts we never spoke. barren land, all sleight of hand damming us to our bones.

but we wish, one day, something will come and cast away these clouds. unshackling to this weight. only then the ground will quake so we may be cast down