The two brothers wait for me arrive home,
They call themselves Anxiety and Fear,
Fear with his grimace smile,
Welcomes me in with his rigid glare,
He takes one look at me,
Reminds me I am vulnerable and fragile,
Anxiety plays along,
With his insolent tone,
Tells me I am an ignorant fool,
Mocking me of my wisdom,
Fear reminds me I am blind,
I know deep down they are right,

Fear is talking with a big smile to Anxiety,
The two brothers begin to laugh as I sit and calculate,
My heart begins to ache,
Anxiety points out the truth,
I can’t deny how I went wrong,
Fear places his hands on my shoulders,
I start to cry as I am unable to conceal these thoughts,
He whispers in my ear he will always be there,
Anxiety places his hands in mine
He always said one day I will suffer
No one to save you,
Like vultures they begin to circulate,
I must stay calm,

I rise firm to my feet,
So you want to mess with me?
Fear retreats to the corner and hisses,
It doesn’t matter what you have to say,
How long you keep these thoughts at bay,
Anxiety continues to linger around,
Analysing every inch and sound,

I was naïve and innocent to follow to your dark psyche,
Fear attempts to shut me up,
Yelling nonsense in my ear,
Anxiety joins in playfully,
Twisting and turning my stomach,

I take a deep breathe,
I will not follow blindly to the devil in disguise,
I will not tolerate these fears and let them ride me,
I will not let anxiety take over my strive,
My devotion will be dedicated to creativity and insanity,
You are just made believed.

The two brothers wince at my capability to be brave,
Anxiety recoils and hallows a piercing shriek,
Fear grimaces and spits venom at me,
I catch the venom and throw it back at Fear,
I owe you nothing

she asked me,
“why do people think of suicide?
or why do they think it’s their only option?”
i could not compose myself,
i could not construct any words to answer.

mostly, i could not be mad.
maybe, i envy her.
i lost my innocence way too young,
that drives me to do things
she was asking me.

Anorexia
She's the most cowardly death
There can be.
So much effort
Many lies
And also a lot of courage
Just to be consumed
And see you die
More and more
Everyday.
But never
I felt more cowardly than now.
Never.
Anorexia
Like self-harm
Are the scariest monsters
I could meet
Because even when
I think I'm out of it
I know it's not like that
And I suffer
And I try to do everything possible
For not to swallow anything
But it's late now
I just have to stay
Waiting for that flow of acidic liquid
Get out of my mouth
And free me
Free me
From that feeling of disgust that I feel
Throwing down a single bite.
So
I would like
To take me to cuts
Cut that crap of fat
Everywhere
And be light
And free.