these past two years have been empty
bottomless, like nothing will ever see light
a canyon of separation, so much space in-between us I've lost you
now I'm frantically searching for my missing parent
just. like. joe. dirt.
Instead of looking at the moon, wonderin' if you're looking at the same thing in the exact moment
I wonder if you are the moon, the stars, the outer-space filling the void of everything else in-between.
where are you?
The hardest thing about losing a parent due to death, is not knowing where their soul has ended up.
I stare at his urn, hoping that he's not trapped
hoping he's not witnessing the struggle it is to live without him
these years have been empty
bottomless, like nothing will ever see light
that one chair when we all occasionally eat around the dinner table
empty
one side of my mothers bed.
empty
the other half of meaningful conversations
silence
"I love you dad" I say it aloud
**silence

always be grateful and and live to the fullest


never take things for granted and always be humble

spend a lot of time with loved ones especially your mom and dad......

*** one day they'll  be gone..

then youll wish you had.

Birth. Life. Death.
Everything comes to an end.
Seasons change, people go.
Gone will be the days of breathing.

Before this time shall come
What have you sown?
What will you leave
When it's time to go?

the first time you have
mistaken me for her
i knew it wasn't
just a freudian slip
i mean i was aware
of it for a while now
i just chose not
to comment on it
but if i said
i didn't mind at all
i would be lying
but i guess
pretending i don't
know anything
is still sort of —
kind of —
lying.
like that time you
made me breakfast
in bed and i was
surprised you knew
how i liked my
coffee when you
didn't even like
caffeine — but
i realized that it
was the only
thing you knew
how to brew
because she was
the one who
taught you.
and that time
i was so sure
i caught the first
syllable of her name
trapped between
the intersection of
your lips and my skin
and throughout
that whole night
i wondered if you
were closing your
eyes because of
pleasure, or because
of the pleasure of
imagining her.
but the last straw
was on the day of
our wedding, and
we were saying
our vows, and i said
i (my name)
take thee (your name)
as my lawfully wedded
husband and you
were supposed to
say i (your name)
take thee (my name)
but instead of my
name you said hers
while we were at
the altar and you
were holding my
hands and
i knew —
and i have
always known
that it wasn't just
a slip of the
tongue.

{g.c.q}

Time
It stops
When I'm with you

The clock
It slows
As I miss you

Forever
Too short
Now I know you

Sometimes, looking at you in the light of the kitchen  I want
to run a finger
Down the length of your nose but
I know you'd wrinkle it, and shake your head citing a tickle, but kiss behind my shoulder as soon
As I turn away

When my feet make ice pools in the bed
Toes accidentally brushing your ankle and you **** abruptly, but upon hearing
My sigh, trap them back with your ankles til, martyr that you are, I'm engulfed in
Warmth at your
Expense.

Sometimes the last trickle of milk is mine, for the coffee,
Silent with your eyes smiling fondly, you look on as I sip, resolutely stirring powdered
Dead baby souls into mug as substitute.

Even damp smelly socks
Greasy hair
Neurotic tears and
Intellectual rambling epiphanies

Even childish blunders, fudging the
Budget or burning the toast

You still call me fond Things.

And love Me.
The most.

There’s never been much to hold on to,
much to care about.
Like a stray dog,
you’ve wandered through life
with glassy eyes and no expectations.
Now you dare dream,
you dare believe
and hope all burdens will be lifted.
You turn your eyes to the sky,
like you might once again fly,
like you were never banished,
like you never fell.

But here you are,
alone on christmas,
singing to yourself
not carols,
but songs of mourning.
No words,
only desperate cries.

The savior never meant to save you.