I'm a lesbian
You're being a **** to me
This is irony

pretty little mind
gone and never found

found but never spoken
make me a promise

remain unbroken

you removed me
from your public profile
wiped it clean
like i never
existed

i wished you’d do this for so long
i’ve been an *** to you for years
playing a
stupid
game.

but now i wonder
did you remove me from your life too
from your memories
is there no hurt
where once love used to
be?

i hope you succeeded
to forget me
like i never did forget
you

why do i only remember
the bad things i did
but not
the things you said
that made me
angry

why do i
care
when we’ve been nobodies for
years

why do i feel guilty
when it takes two to play this game

i don’t know

i don’t know,

but i want to.

when i am dead,
bury me someplace vast,
full of knowledge
bury me in a library
no, better yet
bury me under a shelf
full of books
no, better yet
bury me under a pile of books,
no, get me closer,
cremate me,
bury me between the sun-yellowed pages,
stuff me in
compress me into paragraphs, sentences,
words even
press me into the holes of letters
until i can see the pigment of the ink
and then i shall learn
to read between the lines

I was petrified in fear of consequences that came from acts not yet played out.

And i wept for a life i have not yet lived
I felt remorse for hurts i have not yet caused

And i mourned the joys i may never see

My eyes wide open gazing to a future
That might never come.

I'm yet to comprehend the present.

i sometimes wish there was a war coming
it is selfish
it is foolish
but that's what i long for

i wish there was a war coming
so i wouldn't have to study
i wouldn't have to work
i wouldn't have to love

i wish there was a war coming
so there would only be worry
so there would only be hushed voices
silent stares in the night
and death and selfless sacrifice

i wish there was a war coming
so i could flee or fight
i could be a hero, a coward
i could be honest at last

i wish there was a war coming
so peace could settle to my heart.

I don't have daddy issues
I have issues with daddy.

i owe you a confession
i'll never be yours again

as to why, i'm sure you know, but we keep lulling ourselves with the lies of a perfect utopia, where we can continue to frolic in the endless meadows, not a care to the problems of the world

i owe you a confession
i love you
but you disgust me

so deeply i keep on denying, i keep on telling myself that it's just the guilt of not being with you
the guilt of what could have been
but when we are pressed against each other in a tight embrace, and i pull back, and look into your eyes
there is no perfection
there is no shameless love

there's only sorry

you're sorry for what you did, sorry you still feel for me
i'm sorry that i can't just move on, that i can't just make myself feel

sorry that i like toying with you
sorry that you let me do it without even noticing

and you are probably too nervous for words
and i'm probably too nervous for actions
because we both know we should just kiss and deal with it
let the world perish around us as the flames of our romance burn up the place
let our eyes flutter shut, let our heartbeats drum against each other in a frenzy like no other

but you are too afraid to ask
and i'm too afraid to do

not because it would be right
not because it would be wrong
but because it would shout a truth we both don't want to hear
that however perfect we are for each other
we are uncapable of loving without fear, loving without hoping for change, for something else, for something better

and we can't look away

once i was yours
but you were drunk with my trust, blindly staggering in the sea of possibilities, getting dragged away from shore
but i looked on and let you drift away
that's when i knew we weren't meant to be

i let myself be fooled

i let myself be told that i am loved, to the face, while i knew about the knife behind your back
and oh it came down with sweet slow agony, slicing, ripping me apart like nothing before

but we kept on smiling
we keep on smiling still
and in our smiles there's the truth shouting that we don't want to listen to

that my smile hides pity
while yours hides hope
and i'm disgusted by myself for making you believe i only flinch in surprise when you touch me
that i let myself relax when you embrace me
that i feel a kindling in my hear when you go down on one knee and offer your soul to me

but there's only horror inside

because i realise now that we are equals