Not often, but
there are times
when the noise in my head
turns way up
and the dial breaks off,
and all I want is quiet,
when I feel the pull
of something terminal,
feel the dark, velvety lure
of swallowed pills or gun barrel,
the stealthy seduction of carbon monoxide,
the skull-exploding swan dive
onto shocked concrete,
the warm bath with low light and sharp blades.
I can covet that big, simple answer, too, sometimes.
I can long for that complete, forever silence.
But I know I'm only window shopping.

She was young and slim and beautiful,
my first love,
with skin like licked caramel, and
always smelling, always tasting
like peach candy.  But still,
I sort of envy Bukowski his
300lb *****, the painted leviathan that
swallowed whole his virginity and
broke his bed, before falling snoring asleep
on her wide, sea-creature back, because he
probably learned more from that ugliness
than I ever learned from
beauty.

That said, I envy him more the night
the old dog buried his bone
in six separate gardens,
the dark-haired woman who
sent him a photo of  her
self
reading his book
in the  bath, and the two perfect
blonde Dutch girls his editor found on the great man's lawn
when he called by one evening,
the both of them waiting for Hank to
come home from the track
so they could **** him.

Study. . .stud. . .stu. . .st. . .s. . .sl. . .sle. . .slee. . .Sleep

When I was young,
My ma would say:
"Beware the Sidhe
And Faerie Rings."

When I was young?

When I was young,
My ma would say:
"Bring tea and cakes
So they'll be gay."

When was I young?

When I was young,
My ma would say:
"They'll keep you safe,
Or take you 'way."

Am I human?

     "Alabaster!
     I am Leannán.
     This one whispered
     To you, sweet boy."
Alabaster?
     "Your name! Your name!
     Your spirit i claimed.
     A vow you made,
     And now you've paid."
With you I'll stay!
     "Among my folk?
     Keep fast your yoke,
     Or flesh will fade
     And farewells bade."
A song! A song!
     "Your song, my love,
      You've sang it well,
     And flowers laid
     For our parade."

When I was young,
My ma would say:
"Beware the Sidhe
And Faerie Rings."

When I was young,
My ma would say:
"Bring tea and cakes
So they'll be gay."

When i was young,
My ma would say:
"They'll keep you safe,
Or take you 'way."

     *A Faerie Friend
     Forever more.

Merry f*cking Christmas
And everyone's drunk.
All spirits are dim
And my heart has near sunk.

Old people were a baby
Babies will be old people
World is like a bus stop
Life is patiently waiting...