today I looked in the mirror,
and I really looked,
and I didnt like
what I saw.
because I saw
a girl with hollowed out eyes,
a slight beer belly,
and thunder thighs.
I saw
the demon on my shoulder,
the angel to my right,
and black in my mouth.
even worse, I saw
charred lips from the cigs,
smudged mascara from a boy,
and grayed skin from the depression.
and I wanted so badly,
to fix what I saw
but I,
I was too weak.

I should be out of tears by now
have cultivated the strength of a warrior

I wish I knew why I keep waking up
in the morning
                           (despite the night)

again, again, again