Do you know what it's like?
To be imprisoned
In the past?

I am
Locked up in a cell
Of unforgiving memories
And mental stains I tried to hide
And blood underneath
My fingernails
And I just can't
Scrub it all away
I just want it all to end

This *******,
Nonexistent road of endless
Turmoil and boiling hatred
And emotional leakage
I am so
******* lately
And I just don't give a ****
About the things
I used to give a **** about

Have you ever just
Not cared
Awakened by hostility
And sedated with
"It'll be alright"
No, *******
It won't be alright, okay
Because it's not worth my time of day
To pretend
Like the little things don't matter
Because they do

They really do

What do you do when someone has your whole soul wrapped around their finger?
Love is such a sweet yet scary word.
In the blink of an eye they could be gone, and there you'll be, right back where you started,
The only difference being your heart is ruptured, and your eyes are constantly damp from your thoughts about the past.
Love can be oh so sweet,
it can bring you to the highest places.
But it can also be oh so brutal,
creating your own little personal hell.
Yet when you find that sweet, fearless love, you forget about all of that and jump right in, ready to try again.
Wrapped around their finger.

Hearts of lovers, lover of hearts
Enter backspace enter comma delete return
Always return return return
To you
eyes settle in middle space and I think of you
Masses of color and memory and heavy breathing
Solidify like precipitates in the forms of hard words
Crudely drawn consonants that yawn to swallow you whole
please don't go please don't go I'll eat you whole
I love you so

I told the empty pan of brownies and the wrinkled sheets and the messy hair I don't love you
It's not a lie
Love is what splits married couples and buries dying animals.
My love is too selfish to even be love
Thoughts like mine fit better on the train track of hate
Because I want to hate you for being so persuasive to my emotions
Why can't I convince them to change?