“I messed up.”
I only wish it didn’t
take you this long
to realize.
“Can we talk?”
My whole body aches,
yearning to say yes.
“Are you there?”
Yes, I am here.
“Please answer.”
I surely don’t think
I have that strength.
“I still love you.”
My heart beats,
my stomach churns.
“You were the best
thing that ever
happened to me.”
Funny,
I used to think the same
about you.
“Why aren't you answering?”
“Because for 7 months;
I waited.
You tore me apart,
it felt like I was drowning.
You didn't even look back.
Not once.
How can I just forget that?”
I hit send.
“I’m sorry…”
“I’m sorry too.”*
Except this time,
I don’t hit send.

You promised to love me
and forever we would be.
I fell for your lustful lies
and got lost in your green eyes.
I was just another body to touch
and of me you didn't think much.
Now you're kissing someone new
and I'm still stuck missing you.
I drink to numb the pain
of falling victim to your game.
A hangover after drinking cannot heal,
yet hurts less than the heartbreak I feel.

His love an ocean,
and I was willing to *drown.

"Our song came on the radio yesterday and for the first time, I didn't roll down my windows or turn it all the way up or sing along. I forced myself to turn it off."
"I washed your sweatshirt after sleeping in it for so many nights so it wouldn't smell like you anymore and I boxed it up to put in the top of my closet, out of sight."
"Remember when we went to the beach and kept snapping photos? I finally burned them yesterday. I watched as the flames burned out, just like we did."
"Our anniversary passed, and I didn't feel empty like I did the month before. It only took me four months."
"I'm deleting your contact out of my phone so I won't feel tempted to text you when I lie awake at night thinking about what we used to be. I guess I'll be doing you a favor, seeing as you don't care about the past us like I do."
"I hope you're happy with her, because after all this time I'm finally happier without you."

It's scary how your mind
can play tricks on you.
It's not until 1 am,
after the day has passed
and I have showered
and slipped into my pjs
and snuggled up into my bed,
that I start to feel alone.
I toss and turn and
imagine your arms around me
stroking my back
and you whispering
in my ear how you'd
rather be nowhere but here.
This is what keeps me up
at night but I know you sleep
sound without a single
thought of me.
It's scary how your mind
can play tricks on you.
Just when I think
I'm finally moving on,
the stillness of my
room at night reminds me
just how alone I am.

I find it beautiful
all the ways you can
express how much
you love someone.
1. "Put your seatbelt on."
2. "Get some sleep."
3. 3 am text: are you awake?
4. "Did you get home safe?"
5. "Watch your step."
6. "How are you feeling?"
7. "I listened to your favorite song."
8. "Let me drive you home."
9. "Please be safe."
10. "Do you need company?"
Open your ears,
and pay close attention.
Because my dear I'm sure,
that somebody out there
loves you.

I loved an arsonist
who didn't love me.
Seeing him love her
was the match that ignited
my gasoline heart.
It combusted into
the flames of pure envious
friction, the flames
licking all cavities.
Each beat of my
slowly burning heart
pumped lighter fluid
through the arteries
only to create a wildfire
inside my chest,
ablaze with no hope of
containment, and no
source to extinguish.
My unjustified love for you
is nothing more
than the firewood that feeds
the malicious venom
in this inferno of jealousy.
I loved an arsonist
who didn't love me,
and for that,
my heart will smolder.

He undressed me with his eyes,
but I clothed him in my love,
and that is where we failed.