Everyone deserves a person that makes them want to write poems about the way they feel despite illiteracy.
Everyone deserves a person that makes them want to sing to the heavens about their wonderful voice as tone deaf as they may be.
Everyone deserves a person that makes them want to fill canvases with the colors of their beautiful body despite being colorblind.
Everyone deserves a person that make them want to dance despite the self-diagnosis of two left feet.
Everyone deserves their person.
Everyone deserves a person that defines falling in love before falling cause knowing where you're going to land before you trip is always a beautiful comfort.
Everyone deserves their soulmate who can pick them up when they fall.

I found mine.

I've always wondered what drives the hate felt towards each other.
How man discovered love and then hate all in an instant.
I wonder what happened.
How we lost our way.
How we decided one color was more beautiful than another.
How we decided some beliefs were wrong and some were right when the only way of knowing was visiting the after life but that's just it.
We can't.
Yet we waste our lives away hating.
Instead of living.
From the time of Romeo and Juliet to the Bloods and the Crips.
From the Holocaust to the Middle East.
And it's still ongoing.
Generation after generation undergoing the aftermath of the previous and it's shrugged off in textbooks.
History.
I don't want to believe that as the conclusion, that there is no hope for a better ending.
Each and every person on this planet has a beating heart and working lungs.
We are all in this together.
There's not enough time to count the stars in the sky, or the fish in the sea, but there is enough time to love each other.

Why is it we fight for only that which affects us?
You see, we are all in this grand scheme singing a grand chorus.
I can't begin to fathom the depths of the hatred in some souls.
To hate somebody with every fiber of your being without actually knowing them, as if you've walked a day in their soles.

1 in 12 trans humans are killed in a violent fashion.
1 in 8 if their skin color is of the colored version.
You don't know a single thing about the fight these strong beings undergo.
And you know even less about the thoughts they can't show.

It's embedded in us to root for the underdog in a contest.
But imagine an empty corner even though they're the best.
Imagine the feelings felt from former friends.
Imagine their bitter ends.
"It's just morally wrong..."
Can't you understand they've felt this way all along?

I think it's beautiful to embrace the inner workings of our mind.
It is not weakness to be one of a kind.
Never feel you are alone.
There are 7 billion people on this planet and we all have a light that's meant to be shown.
Our looks do not define us.
We are celestial beings formed from scattered stardust.
If you don't think that's beautiful, then I feel sorry for you.
I feel sorry that your perspective of beauty is so detrimentally blue.

Look at the world and its colors in full.
Never believe you are not beautiful.

I'm disappointed
In the way you just gave up.
You're stronger than that.

I'm disappointed
In your ever selfish thoughts.
You cannot leave us.

I'm disappointed
In the way the birds don't sing.
Do you get it now?

I'm disappointed
That you didn't understand
How important you were.

My words don't always have a meaning behind them.
But the words I project are my heart's solemn anthem.

My poetry is imperfect; a mess of paint spilled on a canvas.
Through the colors though, I was able to see a purpose.
Putting my thoughts into a stanza keeps me sane.
Putting my thoughts onto paper is the rainbow after the rain.

My ideas range from puppies to the way I was left alone.
From the time my first dog died in my lap to the thought of college loans.
You see, I'm not the slightest bit okay;
However, my internal struggles will lose to my positivity day after day.

I can't tell you my origins in writing.
I can't tell you why it is I can't ever control my thinking.
My thought process is so god-awfully in disrepair,
And maybe all it needs is a breath of fresh air.

I miss my first dog Boy.
I hate the thought of student loans drowning me in debt and having to deploy.
I hate that I can't put an intermission in my concert of agony.
I miss the many days of my boyhood when I didn't have to worry.

I realized my flawed poetry in the many times I reread my past works.
However, don't you dare tell me they aren't of any worth.

You let me down easy.
In a way I couldn't process correctly.
Made it seem like everything I'd done was just cheesy,
And crushed my innards so completely.

Like a magician, you pulled my heart out of a hat,
And made it disappear.
Fed it to the rabbit, then fed him to a cat,
Abandoning all compassion with the words, "I'm sorry, dear."

You told me that I was great and deserved better,
But never once considered that maybe that's not what I wanted.
That maybe all I wanted was to feel like I mattered,
Like my cells weren't just meant to be wasting away underground infested;
With your false hope.

The many times we locked eyes,
The many times you made my heart leap,
Felt like nothing more than lies,
And made my love feel less than cheap.

It takes me back to the sugar,
When I felt like I could conquer the world.
And didn't need you as a supporter.
You sent me into a whirl.

You took the little sanity I had stowed away,
Stowed away for a rainy day,
Days like this where my one instinct was one more line,
Feeling like there was no more time.

I couldn't go back,
Yet I couldn't move forward.
You threw me, the mouse, on my back,
Tossed me into the maze and said, "sorry you just can't be my world."

I'm sorry I was so imperfect.
I'm sorry I couldn't give you reasons why I deserved you.
I'm sorry I was different.
I'm sorry my love was so impromptu.

The lines are getting longer.
They're starting to burn now.
The drip is getting stronger.
And the jump is getting fowl.

I'm tired of feeling worthless.
And I'm tired of feeling low.
I'm even more tired of these feelings seeming endless.
But the truth is, I never felt this way with the snow.

The white made me feel transparent,
Like nobody could see my heart on my sleeve.
The rock made me feel existent,
Like the jitters, and the way they made me feel,
"At ease."

I never once felt that I needed the powder when I was with you,
Nor did I feel like it would help.
I didn't feel that I needed the feeling amplified and anew.
I felt that what you gave me was enough, like I was top shelf.

So don't you dare make me feel like I wasted my time.
Don't you dare make me think that the time I spent with you was meaningless.
I cannot begin to fathom the audacity of this crime.
Don't make me feel like a broken Christmas.

I can't go back.
There is nothing for me there with the white.
I want to feel like you were my black,
Like I would be alright,
The palette had only two colors,
And I couldn't describe the light,
So you left me with locked doors,
And said "find your way though the night."

But that was just it.
I couldn't.
I needed to feel like I was a candle being lit.
But ****, you wouldn't.

I'm laying here alone,
Wishing I could still hold your hand.
Gravity pushing me down like a drowning stone.
I'll gently sink now; become one with the land.

I can't stop thinking about all the nights you called
and asked if I really loved you.
I'm sure I said yes
every time.

The pictures I take
Are Polaroids meant for you.
You're so beautiful.

You became my night and day,
my only source of happiness.
It took me so long to realize,
That's not okay.

I'm so tired of this type of pain.