Dear lover,
have you met me?
i'm your man,
i'm your fantasy,

Oh lover,
where have you been?
please don't go,
i'll miss you again,

my friend,
my baby,
my sweet little pea,
my half,
my light,
my compass at sea,

Please lover,
stay with me,
don't wander the world
alone and unhappy,

My lover,
my muse,
my creature of lust,
my drug,
my dream,
my angel of trust,

And so I am lost in the innumerable pleasure of lust and passion. Two bodies, steaming and melding one another into a single being. Experiencing each other in the highest form of ecstasy, the likes of which cannot possibly be replicated in any other way. It is an ensemble of energy exploding in all directions in a colorful blaze. Our minds reduced to our baser instincts of ****** attraction and animalistic nature. Ending in an explosion of pleasure that softly carries you on a cloud into the land of dreams.

I lay on the floor in my room
and stare up at the ceiling fan,
I try to figure out who I am,
Who is this lost young man?

I live a life with no direction or conviction,
Only the demons of my own affliction,

My own self-loathing married my self-doubt
And let loose my darker half,
Dragging my mind into the darkness,
Imprisoning me in the mistakes of my past,

And so I don't know what to do
To escape my prison and move on,
How do I move forward
When everything I do is wrong?

Purpose has eluded me,
Confidence has fled,
My will deminishes,
My heart almost dead.

In all the ways I can imagine
In all the ways I can see
I'm lost inside the darkness
A place of nihility,

A void,
An emptiness,
A lethe within me,
My oblivion sea.

Is this when it starts?
or has it already begun?
does it take one more?
or just this one?

One isn't so bad,
its the only one I've ever had,
another shouldn't do any harm,
so there really is no cause for alarm,

Well now that I've had two,
What's one more going to do?

People say don't give in,
it'll **** you in,
It'll tear apart your life limb from limb,


But I feel fine,
I'm completely okay,
I can just quit any day,

I can control myself,
I don't need to quit,
I'm not like the other people
who lose their life to this ****,

But now that I'm already in so deep,
without it I just cant sleep,
I've run out and I need more,
so in the middle of the night I go to the store,
I spend what little money I have left
just so I can get a decent nights rest,
I wake up and I do it again,
Is this how my life will be til the end?

Scrapping for change to buy another pack,
hack at my skin because I just need another,
my brother telling me I need to change,
but I'm deranged by this demon of ash and charcoal,
burning a hole inside of my soul,
and now I meet death in the face of my affliction,
my demon.
my addiction.

Here I sit,
Pondering deep thoughts and ideas about life and the universe.

What is reality?
What is consciousness?
What is our purpose in life? If there is one.
When did it all really begin?
When will it all really end?

Here I sit
with such thoughts weighing on my mind with every day.
I know I can't answer them yet still I try.
Does that make me a philosopher?
Or a fool?

So here I sit,
Engulfed in my mind,
Searching for answers I can't hope to find.
Sometimes I wonder if it's worth the time.
Probably not, but who really knows?
What else am I to do?
So here I sit.

I dream of walking in the forest on a beautiful spring morning to smell the fresh air,
The trickling river flows,
the grass tickles my toes,
and the wind gently combs my hair,

The rocks still hold last nights cold,
and the plants are still covered in the morning dew,
bathing in the suns radiant hue as it rises from its rest,
I feel its radiant warmth blanketing my chest,

Time slows down in this moment of bliss
where nature has given me a warm loving kiss,
I feel as though i'm floating in the air,
I wish I could share such a feeling as this,

Serenity takes me into the night in my eyes,
On this morning I dream of the star lit skies,
I am in complete peace under the sun,
I have become whole,
I have become one.

Dad.
I want to tell you how much I love you,
So here is my way to express,
how much I appreciate you,
I will do my best.

I know it may sometimes seem like I forget you're there,
Or like sometimes you are just talking to air,
Or that you haven't influenced my life whatsoever,
But Dad that will never be true, NEVER.

You will never leave my heart,
You will never leave my head,
You will always be a part of me,
Even after You're dead,

You won't leave me alone now,
You've never left me alone before,
It's the reason I'm the man I am today,
So I hope to hear from you even more,

I don't mean to take you for granted,
I don't mean to ignore your calls,
I'm sorry if it seems that way,
That's not what I want at all,

I love you so much dad,
I hope that you're with me forever,
I want you there at my worst,
and I want you there at my better,

I'm one of your children,
and we all love you so much,
I hope one day we can take care of you
Just as you have taken care of us.

I love you dad.        Marky

Life can be so hard,
It can be such a heavy burden to bear,
It can wrap around your throat
and make you desperately beg for air,

Its like a weight that I just can't hold,
I'm trying to be bold, but I feel so weak,
and I start think there was never any hope,

So how am I supposed to cope with this sadness in my heart?
With this intangible disease tearing me apart?
Rooting deep inside of my brain,
heightening my sense of weakness and pain,

Forcing me to hate who I see in my reflection,
Believing I am just a rejection,
Sending a ripple through my mind,
Stirring feelings I didn't want to find,

Depressing thoughts start to form by storm,
& I hate myself for being who I am,
This weak pathetic excuse for a man,

& so the stigma of depression inside of my mind
begins to claw and grind at my soul,
Digging a deep dark hole that nothing can fill,
I don't think I have the will to keep on fighting,
I don't think I can cope,
I don't think I have what it takes
to keep searching for hope.